I am obsessing!

[lynclarke]

Re: I am obsessing!

Kristen- Maybe everyone else knows the answer to this question but can you give a little synopsis about how you acquired $23,000 of debt? Maybe there is a clue in there to how to help you find a "good" obsession.

My ex was OCD-like. Back in the days of "Dallas"- the TV show- my husband REALLY liked the show therefore I told him he could only obsess during Dallas!! Boy, that was a struggle but Dallas won and his penchant for unrelenting forcusing abated a bit.

Another good technique was to list 10 things that REALLY bothered him. Start with the 10th and therefore smallest problem on the list and follow that problem to the ad nauseum end conclusion of what could possibly happen related to that problem. After 30 minutes, the problem seems ridiculous- and the obsessor will beg for mercy to switch to another problem. Well, after the 4th or 5 th problem - the rest of the list gets trashed!!

So, maybe we can help if we know just a tad more. lynclarke

[Kris10Leigh]

Re: I am obsessing!

Lyn, neat idea, but my debt story is rather boring. The dumbest thing that ever went onto the cards was our honeymoon cruise. If I could change anything, it would be that. (Not saying the honeymoon wasn't worth it....no not saying that(!!!!)....but we should have planned a bit better for it. From there it was carrying two house payments for 11 months, so we got to a point where our income could not pay the bills, student loans, grad school without loans, DH lost his job for 9 months and again we didn't have enough income to cover the bills. More recently it was a downpayment on a car and a new refridgerator because the old one broke.

Life just got in the way. But none of it was particulary spectacular....except the honeymoon of course.

[greedy4chips]

Re: I am obsessing!

I am a highly obsessive person and my wife hates that unless the current obsession is positive. I love online poker (not for cash usually just freerolls), card games, my poker website, or my current obsession, besides here, of trying to make a website that will make me lots of moola!

I can guarantee Jeffrey makes good money from this site and if he doesn't I am sorry, but he is missing the boat. Most likely that was not his priority when starting this website, but he could be making a ton of money and not by charging any of us a fee or anything negative like that.

I digress.

My obsessions consume my full attention for days, weeks, and even months and then it is gone and has no flair when I return to it.

I use to call my 401k everyday to listen to the new balance. Now I almost never call or even look at the balance the same way. I do look to see if my money is in good funds and what the current returns are, but I don't worry because I know it is properly allocated and is doing well.

I have read tons of posts on here in 3 days and have commented on those that hit a nerve (positively) with me. One day I will be gone and almost gtd will not be back.

I have learned alot about a few of you from your many posts and wish you all the best on your conquering money!!!

[LuxLiving]

Re: I am obsessing!

Well anyways the instructor had a sample calculation and handed it out to everyone in the room. The sample had a person with a $60,000 income. Well..... people started laughing when the instructor reminded us that this was an example only and yes that there is absolutely no way to afford a home on that income.

I knew that already but it made me feel bad inside because I don’t even earn that $60,000 dollar. I sat quietly in the class and learned as much as I can anyways but it sure did feel like I did not belong there!

Gruntina - Don't give up!! Do your profession and family connections allow you to transfer to another part of the country?? AARP has a neat section on cost of living in various parts of the country that tell you what median prices of homes in an area are. {my English teacher would tell me there is something?? wrong w/that sentence! Have you considered relocation?

There may not be a way to buy your preferential desired home the first time out of the gate, but maybe a home none the less! Start out in one that you aren't wild about at a low cost and then move up every couple of 5 or 6 years. There has to be a way! When presented w/obstacle my fighting gloves come out!! Don't yours?? This statement of the teachers would have made me furious enough to try to prove him/her wrong and go back and show them how it could be done!! We don't make near $60,000 a year and never have, but we own our home (us and the mortgage company - but not for long) They are soon to be out of the picture!!

Be prepared to shop long and hard for the right home that meets your criteria, and it'll happen. Be willing to look in neighborhoods that you might not want to consider long term, but for a starter, grit your teeth and give it a go!

What about shopping foreclosures, etc? Buying at a tax lien sales?

Come on guys, give Gruntina some betta examples of how to make a home a reality!!!

-LuxLivingFrugalis

[Ima saver]

Re: I am obsessing!

I have to agree with Kris, going in debt for a wedding and honeymoon is a very bad way to start a marriage. As for obsessing over money, I do a financial worth sheet on the last day of every month. I check mutual fund balances and get stock prices on that day. It makes it handy when I have to do a financial sheet to turn in. The state of North Carolina requires that once a year in order to renew your contractor's license.

[lrjohnson]

Re: I am obsessing!

I can guarantee Jeffrey makes good money from this site and if he doesn't I am sorry, but he is missing the boat.

When you posted this were you aware of it could be seen as condescending? And that if Jeffrey read it and isn't making "a ton of money", that he might be offended? Sometimes even if we think we are right, it's still best to not say anything unless we know it's not hurtful.

[Ima saver]

Re: I am obsessing!

I have a friend that runs a site similar to this (but not about saving) and he does not make much money from it yet. This topic is about being obsessed with money thoughts or something like that.

[lynclarke]

Re: I am obsessing!

Kristen- well it is good to see that you didn't amass a "I have to have that new outfit" kind of debt but you still have debt which is not going to go away this year. OK, so now we have to figure out that fine line between and obsessing and GREAT concern. I think of obsessing as "stewing"- just thinking constantly about one subject but not coming to any concrete end. Great concern adds an element of planning and plotting to alter the end product.

At first I was thinking about this issue as a "stop the obsessing" issue but now I am thinking along the lines of "start a new financial habit" issue. The only problem is habits are hard to start and hard to stop. In my case, I would love to lose a few (20) pounds. I need to develop a consistent habit of exercising every day. I exercised daily for 20+ years, but now I just can't find the motivation. According to past performance, I should be able to do it- but I am instead obsessing/worrying about how fat I look which is pretty useless. You and I both need to take useless obsessing and put it into a positive action. Any thoughts fellow board members? lynclarke

[Ima saver]

Re: I am obsessing!

I don't know. I have always been a worrier. I am worried right now because I have not gotten a check from someone we are building for, but my husband is out writing checks and paying all those bills. I think it we all built up a large emergeny fund, we would be ok. But what is considered large enough? I can't seem to reach that magic figure!

[Ima saver]

Re: I am obsessing!

I am still obsessing about saving money. Now that I have opened a money market that pays 5.25%, I really want to build it up. But I have to use a lot of it up to build up this darn house!!

[LuxLiving]

Re: I am obsessing!

Yes, adding more fortifying nutrients will help it grow faster Ima - just remember it is already growing faster than it was at the lower rate. Won't you be tickled when you check in at the end of the month and see the larger interest being paid in? Un-huh, you will!!

I'm sure you probably already have done this but have you talked with your banker as to how you can best make money on your money while at the same time being on the ready to pay out when a house needs an influx of cash???

[Ima saver]

Re: I am obsessing!

No, I really haven't talked to my banker. The funny thing is, I am very good friends with the president of the bank that I have no money. I also know the president of the bank where we just withdrew all the money, but I have no idea who is president of the bank where I have all my money now! I do check the account every day just to see how much interest has accrued.