paying for your girl friend.

[SuzeOFan]

Re: paying for your girl friend.

I would only like to add that all women are insecure!

We need to hear every so often that we are beautiful, we are special, we are loved! Men prove this by words and deeds.

Dating should not be seen as a recreational thing - but a testing time.

If a woman suddenly gets demanding - it's probably because she feels neglected or not appreciated. She wants you to *pay* more attention to her.

It's great if both parties agree to an even split when it comes to paying for things! But that should only happen after the relationship has matured and you have been seeing each other for a length of time.

My husband and I did that when we were dating. But it was important in for him to prove his seriousness and love by paying for things in the beginning. We've been together now for 15 years. We are each other's better half. In a good healthy relationship, you are able to help each other to become the best person they can become. Isn't that worth the little investment it takes in the beginning?

[PrincessPerky]

Re: paying for your girl friend.

I would only like to add that all women are insecure!

If a woman suddenly gets demanding - it's probably because she feels neglected or not appreciated. She wants you to *pay* more attention to her.

you might be able to find out if your girl is more interested in money or you this way.

[lrjohnson]

Re: paying for your girl friend.

ILogically, it sounds reasonable (in this modern liberated world) to be tempted to say that both parties should pay equally. Sounds reasonable. But what that doesn't take into account is the fact that men need to be the pursuers (typically - at least 'think' they are) and the more importantly - the main providers. In a way, you are proving that....
But just remember guys, its the woman who always has more to lose than you...

More Freedom: whn you read these posts, it may become real clear that women have very different opinions. I don't agree at all with either of the above statements. Suze may agree with none of mine. So you'll need to weigh the opinions and go forth.

[katwoman]

Re: paying for your girl friend.

It's really not so complicated.
Ask yourself, "is she HOT?" If your girlfriend is a blue-chipper, money shouldn't really enter into the equation. If you really want that girlfriend to stay with you, I wouldn't even let on that money is a struggle for you. Women/girls will use your degree of financial ease as a surrogate marker for your general worth as a potential lifelong mate.

If your girlfriend is just a nice plain girl whom you're "playing around with" but would never consider getting married to, HELL YES, make her pay her share. Cruel, but that's reality folks.

Sad to say, but this really is the truth.

As a lifelong single woman, the minute I get the sense that I'm expected to cough up money, it's OVER. Not that I've never paid. Believe me, I can be very generous and fair when in a long term relationship but if it's just dating and the guy starts to bitch and moan about a few dollars, well......

[Ima saver]

Re: paying for your girl friend.

I have always wondered what it was like to be single. I know we have several single women on here. Are you lonely all the time? I got married at barely age 20, got divorced, met a new guy (the right one) and got married again in just a few months.
I would not know "how" to be single.
When I was dating, I was very considerate not to spend my date's money. If we went out to eat, I got the cheapest thing on the menu. Heck, I haven't changed much!!

[neatdesign]

Re: paying for your girl friend.

She is saying when I go out with you I expect you to pay for it.

So, I'm assuming this means that she pays for everything when YOU go out with HER?

~ Jenney

[kealina]

Re: paying for your girl friend.

i think it has to do with expectations and how you were raised... to be honest and blunt, i'm pretty and i never expected guys to spend money on me like that... when DH and i were dating we would do things like drive to the park or beach... we never spent a lot of money and it never came up... a couple of times he bought $5 worth of snacks for us to share or something like that but he only paid because i didn't have much money at all as he had a job and i didn't... if he had less money then i would have paid...
what was really important was our time together and his loving attention...

i can understand maybe someone may be making demands because they actually want your attention but i can say that, in general, any type of high maintenance behavior makes me want to go in the other direction... one time i was was talking to DH's friends wife and she told me that she was nagging him to buy her a designer purse just because she wanted to see if he would buy it for her... some type of test or something... i don't really believe in that... and no, i'm not saying i don't want things... just that i don't expect a guy to buy them for me...

i will, however, admit to feminine vanity.... girls like to know that you think they're beautiful and special and loved... i just don't think you have to spend to show that.... in fact, i'm one of those irritating females who doesn't jump up and down with joy to get flowers/chocolates/jewelry/etc... what i really want is DH to look at me and smile because i'm there.... ok, i know i'm a sap =)... still, i'm pretty happy and low-maintenance with my DH...

[Snoopy2645]

Re: paying for your girl friend.

When I was dating I always expected the guy to pay the first few times a few times I paid my own way & those dates never went anywhere as in we didnt go out again however now being married sometimes I think I should have married the guys who were tight with their money instead of ones who had to flaunt it I would probably be better off now!!

[markio26]

Re: paying for your girl friend.

if i do the inviting to my friends, i expect to treat them... i do have some heavy duty moochers that i cannot get rid of... they mooch other ppl. too. on the dating thing.. i think if you have more money and know the situation and you want to do the activity, ( dinner or a movie), then you should pay..
if you do not want to pay, then say so upfront and establish a dialogue.... you said she buys you something back... what is she thinking??? sounds childish...hth.

[Thrifty Ray]

Re: paying for your girl friend.

Its been a long time since I dated....so my advice would be pretty dated.

I feel it is a red flag in someones character when they 'expect' expensive 'things' from someone they are dating.

I feel that expenses should be the responsibility of the inviting party unless it is discussed and agreed otherwise...which is easier to do after people get to know each other (dating for a while).

I also agree that when someone 'expects' or 'flaunts' in a dating relationship...they are most likely going to continue that behavior into a marriage.

and 'Hot' or 'not'...those behaviors wear thin after a few years...

[marjorie]

Re: paying for your girl friend.

After paying far too much for too long in a relationship, I now expect a guy to pay for the first 2-3 dates he asks me on. I will generally have an activity to suggest that I have tickets for, or a new recipe that i "just have to" try shortly thereafter.

[more freedom]

Re: paying for your girl friend.

Its been a long time since I dated....so my advice would be pretty dated.

I feel it is a red flag in someones character when they 'expect' expensive 'things' from someone they are dating.

I feel that expenses should be the responsibility of the inviting party unless it is discussed and agreed otherwise...which is easier to do after people get to know each other (dating for a while).

I also agree that when someone 'expects' or 'flaunts' in a dating relationship...they are most likely going to continue that behavior into a marriage.

and 'Hot' or 'not'...those behaviors wear thin after a few years...

Very, very, very well said!

[amberfocus]

Re: paying for your girl friend.

Just on the principle of fairness, I'd say that both parties should shell out for dates.

However, the individual situation may not work as neatly, and may need to be tweaked based on personal circumstances.

For instance, I'm too cheap to be willing to eat at a restaurant or see a movie in a theater. But I would also never, ever expect or demand that a guy pay for me. This can be cause for awkward situations when it comes to going out, since I don't want to pay, but I don't want to be paid for, either.

So with my first boyfriend, we solved this by simply not going out. Neither one of us had to pay, and we were both happy. He bragged about how low maintenance I was all the time, and I didn't have to break the bank to date a boyfriend. It worked for us.

My second (and current) bf was different. When we started dating, I was still a (starving and broke) student, but he had already graduated and had a job. And I was/am still too cheap to go out. But because he *wants* to go/take me out, he does pay for everything. When this first started, I felt so uncomfortable, and I asked him time and time and time again if he minded. But he's completely willing to pay, and he actually uses me as an excuse to treat himself, because without me, he's also too cheap go out. So this works, too.

However, I do pay him back in my own way. For instance, I bought him all of his groceries with my spare meal points during the semester, because that didn't cost me "real" money. We both agreed that it was a fair exchange. But if we were to ever start living together, we'd split rent, utilities, and groceries 50/50, no question. There's no way I would live off someone (with the possible exception of parents in an emergency situation).

So the bottom line is: if your gf has the money and is willing to spend it (on herself or on people besides you), then I'd take it as a hint of selfishness if she always expects you to pay for dates. If you're in a serious, long-term relationship, contributions really should come from both parties, unless specifically agreed upon in advance. However, being too nitpicky about the exact way expenses are split can also be a source of discord. So it's a fine balance.

~mimi

[pearlieq]

Re: paying for your girl friend.

Well, this might be an unpopular opinion, but maybe I'm a little more old-fashioned than I thought.

Unless there are some extenuating circumstances, I expect the gentleman to pay for the first date, assuming he asked me out. I would be pretty turned off if the check came and he told me what my portion of the bill was! I honestly probably wouldn't see him again, or we'd go out just as friends.

First of all, I do believe that the person who did the inviting should pay. If a guy asks you out on a date, he's inviting you out. But more than that, I believe in traditional American-style courtship. By inviting a lady out and paying for the first date, a man is saying, "I enjoy your company and I'm willing to make an effort for you. I have enough resources to be an acceptable partner for a relationship"

And then, within the first few dates, the lady will pick up the check, provide event tickets, or cook a meal for the man. That's her way of saying, "I enjoy your company too. I'm not looking to take advantage of you, and I also have enough resources to be an acceptable partner for a relationship."

As the relationship progresses, the couple will work out a mutually agreeable way to fund dating. They may take turns paying, or maybe he'll pay for the meal, and she'll pay for the entertainment. In my case, I was a sophomore in college and DH had a good job, so he did most of the paying, but I tried to make up for it by paying when I could, cooking meals for him, and finding low cost entertainment I could take him to.

I certainly don't think a woman should just sit back and demand a man pay for everything, and she should absolutely not be accepting money from him for bills, clothes, etc. To me that seems like taking advantage and doesn't really make her look like a very attractive partner.

[pearlieq]

Re: paying for your girl friend.

It's really not so complicated.
Ask yourself, "is she HOT?" If your girlfriend is a blue-chipper, money shouldn't really enter into the equation. If you really want that girlfriend to stay with you, I wouldn't even let on that money is a struggle for you. Women/girls will use your degree of financial ease as a surrogate marker for your general worth as a potential lifelong mate.

If your girlfriend is just a nice plain girl whom you're "playing around with" but would never consider getting married to, HELL YES, make her pay her share. Cruel, but that's reality folks.

Oh ewwww!!! So every pretty woman is essentially a prostitute and/or a trophy???

The only positive I can see about this type of dating philosophy is that at least it tends to attract people who think like this to each other, keeping them out of the dating pool for the rest of the world!