What to do About my Job...

**Ima saver** · 05-26-2006, 02:09 PM

Re: What to do About my Job...

If you love your job, I think the commute would be worth it!

**shengmei** · 05-26-2006, 02:26 PM

Re: What to do About my Job...

Same here!!! Love for the job is very important.

Also, after just getting married.....I realized that marriage is really good for health insurance benefits. The savings are incredible to me ($200 a month).

**34saving** · 05-26-2006, 02:43 PM

Re: What to do About my Job...

Love of job is important, but it sounds like a big reason you love your job is that it allows you to do other things. Spending 1.5 hours on the road (on a good day) might change your view of your job. I think I'd be more agressive and see if you can do 4 days from home, with one day for meetings. Of course that might just be me because I pretty much hate commuting.

Regardless of whether they let you work from home or not you can try your job for awhile and see how you feel about it. (I suppose you'll also get a chance to see how you feel about marriage in that time . . .)

**Thrifty Ray** · 05-26-2006, 04:16 PM

Re: What to do About my Job...

I am probably the odd man out. I believe that things happen for a reason. If you are meant to have a job closer to SO, you'll know it when you see it.

I think you need to see what happens. In any case, I think the tele-commute is a great way to stay at your current job without incurring the time and trouble of getting there two days per week.

You have several months before the winter weather hits, so there is time to see what plays out.

You are making so many changes to your life, maybe holding on to one 'known' (for at least a short time) is not a bad idea.

In any case, enjoy this new journey. It sounds like an exciting one!

**Thrifty Ray** · 05-26-2006, 04:18 PM

Re: What to do About my Job...

ps....It is normal and quite ok to have the jitters. This is a big change in your life.

**markio26** · 05-26-2006, 09:32 PM

Re: What to do About my Job...

do the ben franklin close:
write down on a piece of paper the pros and the cons
the one with the most reasons will be the answer.

**Tree0164** · 05-27-2006, 04:32 AM

Re: What to do About my Job...

Fern
Good luck! I think proposing to your boss to telecommute a few days a week is a good option. You love the job which always is a plus and may outweigh the hassle of having a longer commute.

How to write a telecommute proposal letter to your boss

Sample Telecommuting Proposal Letter

**lynclarke** · 05-29-2006, 03:23 AM

Re: What to do About my Job...

Fern- Call me old fashion but did I miss the word marriage? Let's face it, if your SO has anger management problems those characteristics will pop up from time to time...especially under periods of stress (like moving). Do not think he is cured. It is like alcoholism. It is something you have to live with for life. Have you read a good anger management book? Have you lived with him before? If he is making 6 figures, then why doesn't he pay for your health insurance so you have the freedom to pick and choose what you want to do after you move? You will be eligible for COBRA if you leave your present job. What kind of situation are you moving into? If this relationship falls apart can you afford to live in the new area? What is your fall back position? Being roomies does not offer long term benefits. lynclarke

**abowers** · 05-29-2006, 09:43 AM

Re: What to do About my Job...

Just a note about COBRA - I am switching jobs right now. Well, I am quitting my job as a preschool teacher as I will be starting graduate school. I have been offered an assistantship (working full time over the summer and 20 hours during the semesters for the University; getting paid hourly and having half of my tuition reimbursed). However, I am not eligible for the student health insurance until I am a full time student -- which will be after labor day.

To continue my health care (which I currently pay $54.xx every other week) on COBRA -- my health care will cost $318.xx/month. I am whining about that figure, but of course that is cheaper than being uninsured and having a serious medical problem. My boyfriend says he will not let me be uninsured for the 2.5 months in between insurance companies, but he has offered to pay for the ridiculous rate instead of going without.

Just keep in mind how much your company subsidizes the cost of your health insurance, look into how much extra it will cost you to go with this option.

**markio26** · 05-29-2006, 11:30 AM

Re: What to do About my Job...

i just wanted to share a story with you.... my friend mary lou, her first husband left her for another woman and married her.. he did not support their two kids.. he divorced his new wife, married another woman, adopted her son.. they divorced.. the point here is mary lou had to raise her two kids as a single mother.. she said she would never break up anyone's marriage..
then she met Joe, he was married to her best friend/neighbor.. well, she started going out with joe behind her friends back.. then after 4 yrs of sneaking, they were caught and joe divorced his wife and lived with mary lou for 2 yrs.. then they got married quietly.
well now, joe took a job transfer to another state and left mary lou behind.. she has a good job, she thought after 30 yrs at the local phone company, she was demoted and lucky to keep a job there, she works out in the field everyday, another city each week.. she earns $9 less an hr. now.. she has lymphoma and is receiving chemo... joe meets her once a month at her friends home. which is located 1/2 way from where each one resides. she is stuck at her job.. joe bought her a new fomoco vehicle and helps with the house payment.. but, that is it...
so, make up your mind, good fortune ends, either road that you take, you will pay a consequence for your decision... hth...

**Fern** · 05-30-2006, 08:16 AM

Re: What to do About my Job...

Originally posted by 34saving

Love of job is important, but it sounds like a big reason you love your job is that it allows you to do other things. Spending 1.5 hours on the road (on a good day) might change your view of your job. I think I'd be more agressive and see if you can do 4 days from home, with one day for meetings. Of course that might just be me because I pretty much hate commuting.

Regardless of whether they let you work from home or not you can try your job for awhile and see how you feel about it. (I suppose you'll also get a chance to see how you feel about marriage in that time . . .)

34 hit it on the head. I never said i LOVE my job, just that it's "comfortable." And yes, 34, i mostly like it becus of the lifestyle it affords me. Good advice, & thanks.

**Fern** · 05-30-2006, 08:16 AM

Re: What to do About my Job...

Originally posted by Thrifty Ray

You are making so many changes to your life, maybe holding on to one 'known' (for at least a short time) is not a bad idea.

In any case, enjoy this new journey. It sounds like an exciting one!

Yes, that really resonates with me. You're right, lots of changes and having one thing still familiar would be good.

**Fern** · 05-30-2006, 08:50 AM

Re: What to do About my Job...

Originally posted by lynclarke

Fern- Call me old fashion but did I miss the word marriage? Let's face it, if your SO has anger management problems those characteristics will pop up from time to time...especially under periods of stress (like moving). Do not think he is cured. It is like alcoholism. It is something you have to live with for life. Have you read a good anger management book? Have you lived with him before? If he is making 6 figures, then why doesn't he pay for your health insurance so you have the freedom to pick and choose what you want to do after you move? You will be eligible for COBRA if you leave your present job. What kind of situation are you moving into? If this relationship falls apart can you afford to live in the new area? What is your fall back position? Being roomies does not offer long term benefits. lynclarke

First, i want to thank you for being so honest. That's what i love about online forums; becus often, your friends are too afraid to say the things that need to be said..

As for COBRA, I'm familiar with it, have used it before, cost me $500 a month a few years back, so it's a pricey option. I am not in this relationship for material benefits, by the way.

We are both very very familiar with SO's anger management problems and are now dealing with it through therapy. I am not going to pretend it's insgnifcant, becus in fact it is our #1 problem in my opinion. I have read the books. We have discussed it frequently. There is no violence involved, he gets angry with himself most of the time when he gets frustrated or impatient; it stems back to his perfectionist, critical and demanding father. He does not belittle, name call, abuse, get physical or do any of those things you read about in a book on abusive men so please don't use that as a frame of reference.

I know what many people think when you say "anger management." My eyes are wide open. We were at a point in the relationship where we both felt ready to take things 'to the next level,' feeling stymied becus of the distance (45 minutes) between us. It's not huge, but enough to restrict our time together to mostly weekends.

I, being 46 and never married, have my own issues with more conventional commitments, like marriage. My parents divorced when i was 6 and all told I've had 3 step parents and several step-siblings. We moved 4 times in the 5 years between the time I was 6 and 10, each time, a new school and trying to make new friends. It was very hard being as shy as i was. At one point, my father kidnapped my sister and i and enrolled us in yet another school, until my mother got us back. Anyway, there was a lot of **** going on when i was growing up, and none of it really contributed to a stable environment. Many years have gone by since that time, but somehow, among all the relationships I've had, some shorter, some much longer, I always managed to avoid the M thing. The ambivalence aobut marriage also extended to having kids, I might add.

But getting back to your really sensible feedback....My fall back position, if things didn't work out, would be to buy a condo (yes i can afford it) back near the area where i am living now. If i gave up my current job after moving in with him, that would mean i would have to find a new place to live AND a new job. I would be paying all cash for the condo and could swing it financially without a job for a while, if i needed to, tho that's really not the way i'd prefer it. I have my freelance income, that is something. This, i might add, is one reason why i have not pushed for marriage with SO. I want to see how things work out first. Baby steps.

I am very much aware of the risks. I realize it is hard to communicate in this forum the essence of this relationship, its pros and cons, etc. But I also believe that one can become paralyzed by indecision, and also that if I waited for every problem to be ironed out in this relationship, I would be 99.

**markio26** · 05-30-2006, 11:41 AM

Re: What to do About my Job...

fern:
i think you have solved the dilema.. very smart answers in your comments.. way to go!!

What to do About my Job...