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I thought this story was interesting.
It speaks to the expectations that society in general expect people to follow.
People can't get past the fact that the person in this post is young and doesn't work.
My parents both passed and I’m the primary carer for my 96 year old Grandma. She doesn’t have complex medical needs (feeding, bathing) but she is limited mobility and needs help with her healthcare, groceries, cleaning and managing her portfolio of commercial properties.
Dad passed in 2011 and then Mum passed very suddenly in 2019. Long story incredibly short our family planning changed and I needed to care for my Grandma’s end of life. I’m happy to do this as I love my Grandma very dearly. The family is just her and I now.
Because both my parents died I was left with enough money to buy a beautiful house. My Grandma used some of her profits from her commercial property portfolio to support my late Mother during her life - she now gives that to me so that I can pay my bills while I care for her.
I’m not rolling in money but I’m able to pay my bills, pursue my hobbies and care for a person I love without financial stress. I’m aware of how lucky this makes me and I’m very grateful.
So, I have a beautiful home and I don’t work. People always ask me “What do you do for work?” when I’m in business small talk situations, or when I’m chatting on dating and friendship making apps. I have a Masters in Education and I did management in retail before my life got turned upside down.
I feel guilty lying and saying I still work casually in retail. I also don’t like “keeping track” of the lies. It doesn’t have much to do with the ethics of a white lie, more so I don’t like misrepresenting myself to people. I’ve tried “I care for my Grandma” and “I’m semi-retired” but this always leads to the same perplexed looks and awkward questions - “but you have a nice house? How do you pay for it? How do you afford to live?” Then I’m left to either explain rationally what my situation is, which makes people incredibly uncomfortable because it’s all about death and trauma, or they’re resentful of my situation and think it’s wonderful my parents are dead and that u should feel lucky for my economic windfall.
I find myself feeling extreme guilt over the fact that I don’t work. I also struggle with isolation and loneliness, as well as depression lingering from my Mum’s death. I’m in therapy and doing my best to work through the trauma but it’s a long term problem.
I’m trying to date (gay, if that makes a difference) and I’m trying to make friends, but this “get to know you” question comes up so soon in the process and leads to such a complicated answer it becomes a turn off for people. I’m not “trauma dumping”, I’m in control of my grief but in order to explain my situation I have to tell others about it.
People get this “look” in their eyes when I say I don’t work - they want to know why. How did I escape modern capitalism? (I didn’t) If I just say “I’m not working currently” they keep pressing. In dating situations I can understand but when I’m speaking with health care workers, bank tellers, shop assistants, tradespeople etc etc. Then I’m either set up to talk about my dead family (I don’t want to) or I’m forced to keep track of small lies. I don’t want to have to manage other people’s opinions of my unique situation. I’m obviously speaking about situations where the other person doesn’t “need to know” or isn’t trying to know me intimately.
I spend my spare time working on my hobbies but my depression isn’t helped by long stints alone when my Grandma doesn’t need my help. I’m trying to make connections but I’m feeling guilt and shame over being in my mid 30s, after holding a job since I was 16, and not working.
I’m aware of the complexities of inheritance of property in the modern housing crisis. It’s deeply unfair that I own a home when others don’t. I understand why people try and tell me that I’m “lucky” to have a home, but also my parents were both dead before I was 30. Both things can be true but I wish people were more empathetic about my grief just because it came with an economic windfall.
So, TL
R - I don’t work, but I’m financially solvent. I care for an elderly relative in place of work but it’s not a 24/7 job. I’m trying to make friends, find a partner and chat with strangers but I’m struggling to deal with the weird vibes when they find out I don’t work. How do I deal with the guilt, the awkwardness and all the rest?
It speaks to the expectations that society in general expect people to follow.
People can't get past the fact that the person in this post is young and doesn't work.
My parents both passed and I’m the primary carer for my 96 year old Grandma. She doesn’t have complex medical needs (feeding, bathing) but she is limited mobility and needs help with her healthcare, groceries, cleaning and managing her portfolio of commercial properties.
Dad passed in 2011 and then Mum passed very suddenly in 2019. Long story incredibly short our family planning changed and I needed to care for my Grandma’s end of life. I’m happy to do this as I love my Grandma very dearly. The family is just her and I now.
Because both my parents died I was left with enough money to buy a beautiful house. My Grandma used some of her profits from her commercial property portfolio to support my late Mother during her life - she now gives that to me so that I can pay my bills while I care for her.
I’m not rolling in money but I’m able to pay my bills, pursue my hobbies and care for a person I love without financial stress. I’m aware of how lucky this makes me and I’m very grateful.
So, I have a beautiful home and I don’t work. People always ask me “What do you do for work?” when I’m in business small talk situations, or when I’m chatting on dating and friendship making apps. I have a Masters in Education and I did management in retail before my life got turned upside down.
I feel guilty lying and saying I still work casually in retail. I also don’t like “keeping track” of the lies. It doesn’t have much to do with the ethics of a white lie, more so I don’t like misrepresenting myself to people. I’ve tried “I care for my Grandma” and “I’m semi-retired” but this always leads to the same perplexed looks and awkward questions - “but you have a nice house? How do you pay for it? How do you afford to live?” Then I’m left to either explain rationally what my situation is, which makes people incredibly uncomfortable because it’s all about death and trauma, or they’re resentful of my situation and think it’s wonderful my parents are dead and that u should feel lucky for my economic windfall.
I find myself feeling extreme guilt over the fact that I don’t work. I also struggle with isolation and loneliness, as well as depression lingering from my Mum’s death. I’m in therapy and doing my best to work through the trauma but it’s a long term problem.
I’m trying to date (gay, if that makes a difference) and I’m trying to make friends, but this “get to know you” question comes up so soon in the process and leads to such a complicated answer it becomes a turn off for people. I’m not “trauma dumping”, I’m in control of my grief but in order to explain my situation I have to tell others about it.
People get this “look” in their eyes when I say I don’t work - they want to know why. How did I escape modern capitalism? (I didn’t) If I just say “I’m not working currently” they keep pressing. In dating situations I can understand but when I’m speaking with health care workers, bank tellers, shop assistants, tradespeople etc etc. Then I’m either set up to talk about my dead family (I don’t want to) or I’m forced to keep track of small lies. I don’t want to have to manage other people’s opinions of my unique situation. I’m obviously speaking about situations where the other person doesn’t “need to know” or isn’t trying to know me intimately.
I spend my spare time working on my hobbies but my depression isn’t helped by long stints alone when my Grandma doesn’t need my help. I’m trying to make connections but I’m feeling guilt and shame over being in my mid 30s, after holding a job since I was 16, and not working.
I’m aware of the complexities of inheritance of property in the modern housing crisis. It’s deeply unfair that I own a home when others don’t. I understand why people try and tell me that I’m “lucky” to have a home, but also my parents were both dead before I was 30. Both things can be true but I wish people were more empathetic about my grief just because it came with an economic windfall.
So, TL
R - I don’t work, but I’m financially solvent. I care for an elderly relative in place of work but it’s not a 24/7 job. I’m trying to make friends, find a partner and chat with strangers but I’m struggling to deal with the weird vibes when they find out I don’t work. How do I deal with the guilt, the awkwardness and all the rest?
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