Sibling Rivalry

[bjl584]

I've seen things like this with siblings and family in general.
One person is a high achiever, and another is not.
It can definitely drive a wedge in the family dynamic and cause a lot of problems



This has been an ongoing issue and I need some outside opinions with my oldest daughter. My oldest daughter is working as a waitress ever since she dropped out of college. She wasn’t going to classes and she GPA plummeted. The university kicked her out.

Due to this she doesn’t have much money to do anything. My other daughter is graduating and just got a job offer to a good company. I will call the oldest Madison and the younger, Becky. Fake names.

Becky is going to make good money starting her job and doesn’t have any loans ( she got a full ride to her college). Madison is in debt and strugggling and this is where the help is issues stem from.

She believes she should be going better than Becky since she is older. I have tried over and over to help her but she has turned bitter about anything that Becky achieves

Becky told us she planned on going to Iceland in the fall. It was a quick conversation but in the car ride home Madison went off. She was pissed that she gets to do all this cool stuff and that it wasn’t fair. She started to insult Becky and that is when I had enough.

I told her she needs to get over jelepusly and the reason her life is the way it is is her own fault. We got into an argument and she is pissed. My wife thinks I went too far but I think she need to hear it

[myrdale]

The youngest daughter just graduated and is about to start a new job. Presumably she graduated in December or May. In six months, she is going to drop a few thousand dollars presumably for a trip. I assume she is still living a home with Mom & Dad?

The oldest daughter didn't drop out, she was kicked out. She valued her time partying over studying. She is currently working as a waitress and is jealous of her younger sister because she said she wants to go on a trip.

This isn't sibling rivalry, this is one adult woman who is complaining about how another adult woman spends her money. Presumably they are both living at home to be riding around at the same time with Dad?

There is a lot missing because one single potential trip in six months isn't much to classify as "all this cool stuff". The oldest daughter could certainly take a foreign trip on a budget, or do any number of cool things.

What should Dad do? Mind your own business. They are adults. There is nothing you can say or do to change the situation.

What should oldest daughter do? Mind your own business, get a different job, go back to school, save.

What should youngest daughter do? Not go into debt was fancy trips straight out of college while you're still living with Mom & Dad.