Santa can’t afford it?

[Butterscotch]

Depends I guess what is the toy for $180 for a 4 year old? I've got a 5 year old and I'm curious what it is. I don't even know what to get my kids. My DK1 asked for a dream tent for $20 to read in. My DK2 (5 year old) hasn't asked other than when is santa coming. Might be due to not having Cable and not really watching tv, and we don't go to shopping. So their extent of toys is Costco and what other kids show them or if we happen to go out and see something. But seriously my kids are pretty clueless and so am I. Which is why I'm stuck as to what the heck santa is bringing.

He wants the Hotwheels Ultimate Garage. He saw a commercial around his birthday but I had already planned his birthday so I said something along the lines of “Maybe you should ask Santa for it.” I had no idea how much it cost at the time. Then last week at Target we passed a huge display of it and he stopped and drooled over it. That’s when I saw it is $178.

As for several other people’s suggestions that I “stop lying” to my child, I really don’t appreciate your negative and judgmental tones. I really enjoyed Christmas as a child and remember things like writing letters to Santa and sitting on his lap and telling him what I wanted. I’m sorry if your childhoods were different or you didn’t enjoy them for some reason, but as I’ve said I’ve not looking to tell him this year.

[kork13]

As for several other people’s suggestions that I “stop lying” to my child, I really don’t appreciate your negative and judgmental tones. I really enjoyed Christmas as a child and remember things like writing letters to Santa and sitting on his lap and telling him what I wanted. I’m sorry if your childhoods were different or you didn’t enjoy them for some reason, but as I’ve said I’ve not looking to tell him this year.

I completely understand that you want to maintain the fantasy for your son, and I'm sorry if I came across as accusatory or negative... I don't mean to offend, merely explain my opinions & how we handle the Santa issue.

I just see it as a matter of fact -- it's a fantasy, and a somewhat selfish one at that (by and large, kids ask Santa for what they want for themselves), which IMO only leads to a poor conception of the holiday (unless you don't accept the religious side of the holiday... Then so be it, use it as yet another Hallmark holiday excuse to blow $100s-$1000s on gifts, travel, decorations, etc).

I figured out the truth around age 8-9, and my parents used it as an opportunity to teach my siblings & I about what Christmas was really about. I actually enjoyed Christmas a alot more once I understood that Santa was a farce that has been warped over time, and that the holiday is about alot more than receiving gifts from people (and a fantasy man in a red suit).

[msomnipotent]

You mean the Super Ultimate Garage or just the Ultimate, because the Ultimate was just on sale at Walmart for $69 online. Maybe your local Walmart might have some in stock at that price. The SUG was on sale for $127 at TRU recently. You can sign up for an account at slickdeals.net and start an alert for it. You will get a message and/or email every time someone posts that it is on sale. Don't forget your shopping portals. Your credit cards probably have portals or you can do something like Ebates to bring down the price. I just read in today's newspaper that the last two weeks of December are the best time to buy toys, so you might get a good sale closer to Christmas. You might even want to buy the 10% off Target gift cards deal that scfr posted, then wait for Target to have it on sale, go through a shopping portal for cash back, and pay with the gift cards. That would probably be your best bet as long as Target as a competitive price. Good luck.

[MonkeyMama]

As for several other people’s suggestions that I “stop lying” to my child, I really don’t appreciate your negative and judgmental tones. I really enjoyed Christmas as a child and remember things like writing letters to Santa and sitting on his lap and telling him what I wanted. I’m sorry if your childhoods were different or you didn’t enjoy them for some reason, but as I’ve said I’ve not looking to tell him this year.

You asked for two cents, we gave our two cents. *shrugs*

I don't think anyone said you should tell him about Santa this year. I think you are reading way too much into it. I personally wouldn't tell a 4yo there was no Santa. There's plenty of middle ground. You can keep the magic of Santa alive without having to go overboard on the lies.

Keep in mind this a public message board. I can't speak for kork. But was kork really suggesting that you drop all of your traditions and suddenly tell your 4yo "nevermind there is no Santa?" Or is he thinking more that lots of people will read this message and that he is just sharing what has worked well for his family? Maybe he can help someone who is just starting out with a family and figuring out how to deal with all this. I took it to be the latter. Less directed to you specifically, but it's a public forum discussion. (I guess speaking for me, that is usually more what I am thinking when I am posting on a more public forum).

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

Four years old is by no means high time to tell your kid there is no Santa. It might well the first year that the child really even has a firm notion about what Santa is! He is not going to get beat up in kindergarten or teased about it. I don't recommend yanking a kid around like that. Let his natural rational development lead him to the sweet truth that it is his ordinary parents who provide the extraordinary happiness.

Just to be clear, we did not do Santa with our child. There were gifts, but exchanged among family. Though we did not do the Santa thing, I think it is totally okay if parents want to do the Santa tradition. Your kids can grow up just fine, with or without a yearly Santa Claus. But I do agree you are wise not to blow it up into as big a fantasy as possible.

And kork, Butterscotch's child might remember his presents. Last night when I read your doubt about kids' remembering, I jotted down a list of 18 Christmas presents I got as a child. I remember who gave them-- Santa/mother, my grandmother, my aunt, a kid at school who drew my name in the class exchange. I remember how I felt about the gifts (even though in two cases I felt a little sad because the gifts were somewhat representative of a poor, depressed parent who strained to be able to "do" Christmas at all). I even happily remember some of the gifts my siblings got. Perhaps because in those days kids were not usually flooded with toys, clothes, and stuff all year long, the memory could stand out as something emotional and exceptional.

[Butterscotch]

Your child being 4....it may be a good time to break it to them that santa isnt real. That the gifts come from mommy and daddy and somehow explain that that you do not have money right now to purchase that today.

They're going to be in kindergarten next year. If they start talking about santa they may get bullied or beat up.

Monkeymama “I don't think anyone said you should tell him about Santa this year. I think you are reading way too much into it.“

[MonkeyMama]

Monkeymama “I don't think anyone said you should tell him about Santa this year. I think you are reading way too much into it.“

Okay, beside from the one completely ridiculous comment!?

[disneysteve]

Any advice of how to explain why Santa can’t bring a toy to a 4yr old? I feel like I’ve shot myself in the foot with the “be a good boy all year and Santa will bring you something.”

Didi you tell your 4-year-old that Santa would bring him "something" or that Santa would bring him "anything he wanted"? Those are two entirely different things.

If you told him Santa would bring him "something", simply tell him that that toy is way too much to ask Santa for. Even Santa doesn't have unlimited resources.

Sometimes you just have to say no. It doesn't matter if you are speaking as the parent directly or speaking on behalf of Santa. You need to create realistic expectations.

[Mjenn]

We do the Santa thing with our 4&8 year old kids. The 8 year old knows the truth, figured it out, but loves to 'help' his brother believe and isn't quite ready to let go of the magic yet.

But when it comes to gifts, we are pretty strong with reminding them that a wish list is just a wish list, and no guarantee that they will get the thing/s that they want. We usually start telling them to write down stuff they see in the shop they start whining about wanting starting in October for Christmas potential so it is very rare that they get hung up on one thing. Maybe take him to a toy store? Or do an activity where he can cut out different pictures from a toy magazine about stuff he might want for Christmas so he can put it in a list for Santa?

We also leave out the 'good or bad' stuff, mostly because there is no chance they are not going to get Christmas presents given the 'bad' they can be at their ages. But then, we leave the religious element out as well, so we are pretty unconventional.

[Like2Plan]

What would you tell your child if he had asked for a baby sister or baby brother? Or, a private jet?

I bought into Santa completely and totally when I was little. I was given a complete briefing on the topic by a well meaning friend (which also encompassed the Easter Bunny) at Easter time. She helped dye Easter Eggs for the family the night before Easter -- something that came as a shock to me. �� I was totally devastated. It took several weeks to come to grips with that information, so for that reason I would not change strategies during the Christmas Season in regards to the Santa issue.

But, if what your child asks for is totally impossible for you to provide maybe you could do something to manage expectations? Such as-- ask your child to give Santa a list. (And Santa will pick one). That is what my parents did. My parents had it a little easier because we didn't have television and so the wishes we came up were a little more general.

(Edited to add: Also, another reason for more than one item on the Santa list is so there is an element of surprise. You never know what Santa will bring)

[msomnipotent]

Another option might be to have extended family pitch in to buy it, if you exchange gifts with them. I did that before, too. My family likes doing that because it cuts down on the amount of gifts, they don't have to guess at what to buy, and only one person has to go shopping. It just depends on the family dynamic. My daughter has 3 uncles, 6 aunts, 4 older cousins, and all of her grandparents. She can get overwhelmed with gifts, so my family would much rather pitch in to buy one expensive gift than a bunch of little things, especially if she really wanted it.

[disneysteve]

Another option might be to have extended family pitch in to buy it

The problem is this just enables the issue rather than solving it. It reinforces in this kid's mind that Santa can bring anything he wants.

A 4-year-old simply doesn't need a $180 present. What happened to trucks, stuffed animals, simple board games, LEGO, etc? When did it become okay to even consider spending that kind of money for one gift for a preschooler? If you give in and figure out a way to make it happen this year, what happens next year or for his birthday?

[Gailete]

Another option might be to have extended family pitch in to buy it, if you exchange gifts with them. I did that before, too. My family likes doing that because it cuts down on the amount of gifts, they don't have to guess at what to buy, and only one person has to go shopping. It just depends on the family dynamic. My daughter has 3 uncles, 6 aunts, 4 older cousins, and all of her grandparents. She can get overwhelmed with gifts, so my family would much rather pitch in to buy one expensive gift than a bunch of little things, especially if she really wanted it.

Now that is a good idea but only if the child is aware that the gift came from all those aunts, uncles, etc. One of things my mom tried to get over to the grand children of which there were plenty and even though not as poor as when we were kids, 5 kids 4 spouses, 15 grandchildren is a lot to buy presents for, so one of the things that she taught them was that they needed to say thank you, especially for a gift that came in the mail. At gift giving occasions, she used the 'special abilities' of my autistic son to remind the rest of the kids that without thank you’s the gifts would/might stop. This is something permanently embedded in his brain. But then I also taught him that if you are invited to a wedding or a graduation party, etc. that you took a gift that was within your budget. He didn't get it at first, but I told him that it didn't matter if he didn't understand, this was just something that he did. As he got older this thing about thank you's he has learned on his own. He flew at his own expense to a cousin's wedding (on his dad's side of the family), when they took family photos, not one bothered to get him, and he never got a thank you for the gift he gave, and this was an expensive wedding - the couple was divorced in about 2 years. Not long ago another cousin got married that he was able to drive to. We knew it would be simple with a potluck reception. I sent food in one of the dishes of the set I got them for my gift. Exactly one week later, a thank you note was received in the mail! I was stunned. He called me to see if I had gotten a thank you note because he had, and he was impressed as well. It is very discouraging when giving a gift to not be thanked for it. Just a long example of why a child getting a group gift needs to find a way to thank the givers.

I was wondering what kids toy would run $180 until I walked into WM and saw the big Barbie Dream house! and the price!!!! If you want to have your child grow up to be giving as well as grateful, it has to start at a very young age, even if they can’t quite comprehend the reason why.

[disneysteve]

Now that is a good idea but only if the child is aware that the gift came from all those aunts, uncles, etc.

I like that idea. Make the big gift a group present from family/friends and have Santa bring something modest.

[msomnipotent]

A four year old doesn't know that it costs $180, or what $180 is. All he knows is that he wants one toy, and that toy is awesome. Everyone wants it. I think I would even play with it. And it doesn't cost $180. Everyone has it on sale for $165, and coupons and shopping sites lower the cost even more. Not to mention that it is a quality toy that will last a long time. I'm sure his little brother/sister/cousin will be playing with it years from now. I don't suppose you read the list of popular toys from (pick a date) and how much they would cost in today's dollars. Some were pretty substantial. The Atari 2600 would cost over $700 in today's dollars, yet a lot of kids got one. Same idea with new bikes back then, and how many kids got one?

I think people are reading WAY too into this. You can't give a 4 year old a gift and then tell him to be grateful because other kids don't have as much. I'm sure he would be as grateful as any other 4 year old without even bringing the subject up. You are not teaching him to want more and more, because he has very little knowledge of monetary value at this point. He gets the Hot Wheels garage and he thinks, "Great! I got a toy for Christmas!" not, "Well, if this is what I got this year and was only kind of good, I should ask for something more expensive next time.'. NO! It doesn't work like that unless he is a criminal mastermind at the four year old level.

There are ways to get him exactly what he wants. If she can't afford the super deluxe, she can get the much cheaper garage and maybe he won't notice. It won't damage his entire outlook on life.