Family Stealing Money?

[james.hendrickson]

Hi Guys,

I see this topic coming up a LOT on the web, so I thought I would put it out to the community: what should you do if your family is stealing money from you?

For example, what you are say, a teenager and your parents have access to your account and they keep withdrawing money even if you have asked them not to?

[GoodSteward]

Not sure there is a black and white answer to that. I mean, sure, obviously you would need to break all ties between them and your money, however, that isn't going to be easy if you are underage or have some obligation to them. It's obviously an overstepping of boundaries and you need to discuss it with them. If they are a teen, more than likely they are limited in what they can do since they need an adult to have the account. I guess I might would redirect my money into something else like just use cash and/or load up a prepaid credit card.

Interesting question, but a bit broad to really dig into like this.

[snafu]

There are a great many fall start up programs being advertised just now. I've seen ads from various senior's organizations inviting participants to seminars on various topics including protecting their assets from predators. I think this is getting to be a serious issue since people are living so much longer.

Perhaps like Advance Care Directives, we will need Living Trusts and operators who will have fiduciary duties to dispense our retirement funds to our creditors for a fee/percentage. Existing legal trust are very expensive.

[Tabs]

I may be biased, but I will start with my short answer: It depends.

That said, and being in the line of work that I am currently in, there are a lot of people in jail here who simply does not get that they have done anything wrong... or at least anything harmful. Their mind is constantly moving towards getting what they want, and never considering how it may harm others.

The thing is, it isn't just money one should be worried about. It's their basic mentality. They make all sorts of rationalizations as to why they should do it, and why they are right and you are wrong (even though they are the ones that are wrong). So, what I am saying is that it isn't just limited to stealing, because if they are willing to cross that moral line, then you have to be wary of what other moral lines they are willing to cross.

So, unless they express genuine regret and is willing to change their ways, I say hit them hard (legally). Have them arrested if necessary. Sometimes, the consequences doesn't sink in until they are finally behind bars.

[GoodSteward]

I may be biased, but I will start with my short answer: It depends.

That said, and being in the line of work that I am currently in, there are a lot of people in jail here who simply does not get that they have done anything wrong... or at least anything harmful. Their mind is constantly moving towards getting what they want, and never considering how it may harm others.

The thing is, it isn't just money one should be worried about. It's their basic mentality. They make all sorts of rationalizations as to why they should do it, and why they are right and you are wrong (even though they are the ones that are wrong). So, what I am saying is that it isn't just limited to stealing, because if they are willing to cross that moral line, then you have to be wary of what other moral lines they are willing to cross.

So, unless they express genuine regret and is willing to change their ways, I say hit them hard (legally). Have them arrested if necessary. Sometimes, the consequences doesn't sink in until they are finally behind bars.

This has to be the reason so many parents take from their kids and don't feel it was wrong or vice versa. I hear "they owed me anyway" or mess like that often on Dave Ramsey. Sometimes it comes in the form of the parents agreeing to pay for something and then they back out sticking it to the kids when it comes due. Someone called in once stating they had a large student loan the parents agreed to pay when they got it, but never paid on it, ever. The student had to pay it all.

In a less damaging form, I have faced an issue often where my mom goes out and buys my kids something and then comes to me telling me how much it was so I can pay for it. I didn't ask for it, nor agree to pay for it but now if I don't I'm seen as ungrateful and greedy.

[Tabs]

This has to be the reason so many parents take from their kids and don't feel it was wrong or vice versa. I hear "they owed me anyway" or mess like that often on Dave Ramsey. Sometimes it comes in the form of the parents agreeing to pay for something and then they back out sticking it to the kids when it comes due. Someone called in once stating they had a large student loan the parents agreed to pay when they got it, but never paid on it, ever. The student had to pay it all.

In a less damaging form, I have faced an issue often where my mom goes out and buys my kids something and then comes to me telling me how much it was so I can pay for it. I didn't ask for it, nor agree to pay for it but now if I don't I'm seen as a bad child or greedy. She also brings up everything she does for us when she wants us to do something or pay for something later on. If I don't take care of it I'm seen as ungrateful. It isn't that I don't want to help her out. It's that it makes everything she does for us feel like it's just to get something out of us later. Thankfully my mother in law is NOT like that.

That's some crazy stuff. Financially toxic and psychologically manipulative. I am glad my parents are not like that... but if they are, I may just have to be "the ungrateful kid".

[HundredK]

My parents did that to me. They not only took the money I earned working from the time I was 12 (and stole the money I managed to hide away in one of my dresser drawers), but they also ruined my credit before I could even graduate from high school. They opened phone lines and all sorts of other things using my ssn and never paid the bills.

So, I left home at 17 the very day I graduated high school with $30 in my pocket and my ****ty little car and went as far away as I physically could. Interestingly, for many years thereafter as I began to earn money, I sent them a lot of money whenever I could. A LOT. It seemed they always had a need that they convinced me was greater than mine. But very recently, I have stopped giving them anything at all. I stopped feeling guilty about their lack of things and realized I was only hurting myself financially to do that. They had a good ride, let them fend for themselves for a while.

Messed up relationship with parents? Sucky
Freedom of not going into more debt for them? Priceless

[Tabs]

HundredK, that's completely insane. I am glad you are out of that now.

[reimaru]

My parents did that to me. They not only took the money I earned working from the time I was 12 (and stole the money I managed to hide away in one of my dresser drawers), but they also ruined my credit before I could even graduate from high school. They opened phone lines and all sorts of other things using my ssn and never paid the bills.

So, I left home at 17 the very day I graduated high school with $30 in my pocket and my ****ty little car and went as far away as I physically could. Interestingly, for many years thereafter as I began to earn money, I sent them a lot of money whenever I could. A LOT. It seemed they always had a need that they convinced me was greater than mine. But very recently, I have stopped giving them anything at all. I stopped feeling guilty about their lack of things and realized I was only hurting myself financially to do that. They had a good ride, let them fend for themselves for a while.

Messed up relationship with parents? Sucky
Freedom of not going into more debt for them? Priceless

That's terrible. Glad you've gotten rid of that.

what should you do if your family is stealing money from you?

For example, what you are say, a teenager and your parents have access to your account and they keep withdrawing money even if you have asked them not to?

I'd personally take full security precautions, as if I'm the victim of identity theft. Not in the case that I'd sue my family members, but more of I'd create a new bank account they don't have access to, cancel credit cards they know/can use, and buy a locked safe/cashbox to store my stuff (note: I know a friend whose little brother steals/uses his credit card...to buy mobile game credits/packages. And that kid denies he did anything when confronted.).

I'd say best way to handle things is to let people learn to cope with their finances on their own (without needing to steal from you).