How to change family spending habit?

[John213]

I guess I just needed some advice. Here’s the situation. My mom lives with my younger sister. They are both working but their combined income is not that high. I live by my own and my income I would say is average. Their spending habits is really bad. They live paycheck by paycheck and don’t save money. Their rent is a little bit high compare to their income, my younger sister just bought a new car, and they go eat out and shopping often and they don’t have emergency fund. Me on the other hand is surviving and doing "okay".

My only concern is my mom is getting older, she doesn’t have any medical insurance since she’s not a legal resident. What if she got sick? or what if there is an emergency? Since I’m the one who earns a little more, and I’m the one with a little bit money, I will be the one who will be helping them. I know they are family, and I am willing to help, but my point is, they should start helping themselves and not rely on me to take the whole responsibility if something happened. They have nice apartment, they have nice car, etc. but if something happened, I will pay for it.

I already talked to them about saving but they are not gonna change. I even tried to help them by getting percentage of their income to save, but it didnt work in the end and they need it back to pay bills. It's just make me sad.

[Eagle]

There's a saying that goes something like this: "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink."

Unfortunately, we cannot live other people's lives. Even if is those we love.

[TheKayla]

Many of us have family and friends like this, and it's true: you can't change people. Perhaps something dire financially would need to happen for them to realize. All you can do is keep living by example -- when a bill come up and you have plenty, or an emergency comes up and you have a backup, they should be able to see how easily and stress-free you can deal with the situation, because you budget and live within your means. That's really all you can do, and perhaps eventually they'll come along.

[snafu]

To add to your problem, mom will eventually want to retire but there will not be money saved. It's time for mom and younger sister to get real and face facts. They can't continue to live beyond their income in an apartment that exceeds 28% of net income, drive a car which loses value faster than they are making payments leaving them 'underwater.' Eating out is not only expensive, it plays havoc with health because it is infused with vast quantities of unpronounceable chemicals, sugar, salt and fat. The restaurants use convenience foods like those available at Costco and boost their patrons likelihood of high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, and weight issues.

If credit cards are used to increase income there will be a shock later when interest rates return to more traditional numbers. Miss a payment and rates shift up, lose a credit score below700 and interest rates go wild even with savings collecting 1%.

It's wonderful that you're responsible with money but you'll need huge sums to support mom and sister if things go wrong. Is there anyone whose opinion they respect who could explain that they are putting themselves and you at risk with their immature behaviour about money?

[dojo]

I presume you are already helping them, otherwise they wouldn't live under the impression you should support your mother. I would start slowly cutting the cord and not show them I have more money than they have. If they think you're not doing that great, maybe they'll start trying to be more responsible. As long as they know you're there with your money, they'll probably not bother.

[UDRogue]

Their spending habits is really bad. They live paycheck by paycheck and don’t save money. Their rent is a little bit high compare to their income, my younger sister just bought a new car, and they go eat out and shopping often and they don’t have emergency fund.

.... but if something happened, I will pay for it.

I have a problem with you having the premise (assumption) that you are responsible for them. If your mother is not a legal resident, is your family from a culture where you are expected to care for them? You are male. They are female. Are you expected to give them financial support? If so, perhaps you are making this demand of yourself subconsciously but you realize on some level that this is not fair.

You are a young male. You will marry? Have a wife and family? This is where your support should go, to your own future. If you are now single, this will happen faster than you think and your future children will be deprived if you give your mother and sister support.

Your mother and sister seem to be one household and you talk about helping "them". I think you should separate them in your mind. You only owe your mother care in her old age, NOT your sister's lifestyle. And you cannot afford to care for your mother if she has no medical insurance and needs care in old age. You could spend yourself broke and STILL not be able to pay for her future bills. So do not put your money down that drain.

Protect your money for your own future. Put as much as you can into a 401K or an IRA every month. Do not even consider that money in any way available for any reason. Budget whatever you have left for your own bills and your own life, including planning for any future home purchase, etc.

To help your mother, you can find whatever community resources might be available if she needs medical care. Educate yourself on planning for long term care and old age. When you know more, talk with your mother about planning for her own old age, if you can, if she will listen to you, maybe help her see that you will NOT be able to afford to support her in sick old age, but you can help her plan for it herself.

[naturesenergies112]

We all know the feeling after booking a flight to the beach or downing a second glass of post-raise celebratory champagne—we’re ready to spend.