Teens, chores, and allowance

**AggieLife** · 04-26-2014, 04:29 PM

I never recieved an allowance growing up, and yes I still love my parents. My parents paid for everything until I turned 16 years old, at which point I got a job. I paid for things like clothes, some food, car, insurance, etc.

For your situation, I would recommend having a list of chores that your daughter should do automatically with no payment (not a ton but some). I feel children are expected to help around the house with no expected return in payment (they live in the house, eat food, and are taken care of, so they can do some chores).

Then, have a secondary list with chores and price tags next to each, so she can choose how much she works and thus how much money she can make. I would buy clothes for her still and any essentials (food, school supplies).

However, for things such as going out with friends or paying for joining a sports team, have her do that. If she wants any extras then just have her head to the list of chores.

That's what I would suggest.

P.S. If your daughter is already taking AP classes that is fantastic. She must be very smart. Keep pushing her but don't burn her out. Academic scholarships are huge and it sounds like that is the track your daughter is headed.

**disneysteve** · 04-26-2014, 04:50 PM

I like AggieLife's answer. Most basic chores - clean your room, do the dishes, take out the trash, etc. - are part of belonging to the household and don't warrant payment. Otherwise you risk having the kid say, "I don't care about the money so I just won't do those things."

I feel that we, as parents, are responsible for necessities and the occasional nicety or want. So we never expected our daughter to buy her regular clothing or food. If we were on vacation, we would get her a souvenir or maybe two, but anything beyond that was on her. When she wanted some special t-shirt, like from a show she went to see, she paid for that. For bigger items (GameBoy, iPod), we usually split the cost with her.

We never did much around the house for her to earn money as she has had her own money for years first from gifts and later from work. She's 18 now and we stopped allowance at that point primarily because she now receives a monthly annuity check from a past legal settlement. Seems silly for us to give her $50/month when she's getting a check for $600/month from that.

She will be starting college in the fall and we've agreed that she will pay us $400/month toward college expenses and keep the other $200 for spending money.

**snafu** · 04-26-2014, 05:00 PM

Since DH and I both did chores for family when growing up, we required DSs to do age appropriate chores. There were specific chores they did as part of the family like make their beds as best they could, bring laundry to washer and take their laundry to closet & drawers, take their dishes to D/W and help clear the table. They didn't get paid for keeping their rooms tidy. If I had to clean or vacuum those 2 bdrms, they were fined.

DSs were encouraged to pick chores they were willing to do for a negotiated price. If they had to be reminded or nagged they forfeited pay. We wanted to teach working as a team so many tasks/chores had us working together although DS were paid mostly based on how long it took to do the work or how much it was despised.

We didn't give an allowance, money was a gift for birthdays, excellent marks, praise from non family and earnings. We paid for transportation, basic school supplies, fees, dues, lessons, sports equipment, and basic clothes. Nearly all entertainment was still family based at age 14. If they wanted branded supplies, clothes, trinkets, entertainment, or something we thought silly, they paid the differential with earnings. Summer jobs caring for neighbour's yards while they were on vacation was a part of a government program to have tweens understand entrepreneurial values started just as DS1 turned 14 y/o.

I've noticed that most parents no longer require chores and fear imposing demands. I have the impression, parents are so exhausted by all that is required by employers, they don't have the energy to stand firm making demands of their children.

**cooliemae** · 04-26-2014, 09:22 PM

My sisters and I were made to do chores around the house growing up...it was just expected of us. My parents gave us just enough money to whet our appetite so to speak. I think we got around $20 a month for most of our tweenie/teenage years and if I wanted to purchase items that were more than that I had to either save my money or earn more.

So besides the chores, I was out soliciting work from neighbors and houses around the community. I had a little lawn mowing business (very loose use of the word) and had several houses that I continued to mow throughout the spring/fall. Then I rake leaves, I worked for my grandparents. Heck I was working as a part-time dishwasher when I was 13 (for cash at a resort)....

Once I got a full time job in the summers (at 15) my parents stopped paying me any type of allowance. I learned to budget my money over the year really quick.

I plan on doing a similar system with my son...of course $20 isn't what it use to be...

**hamchan** · 04-27-2014, 06:11 AM

Last summer she helped out around the house quite a bit, she just didn't have anything in particular that she was regularly responsible for. She often vacuumed, took the trash out, made dinner, set the table, fed the animals, but only when asked to do it. Chores weren't tied to her allowance in any way, and I think I'd like to keep it that way, but I think things would be a bit smoother if she had certain things she was responsible for and knew what the expectations were.

We currently live two blocks from downtown Seattle. I'll be honest, the idea of her finding things to do to earn money from neighbors make me very very nervous. We live in an area with very few children, so babysitting gigs might be pretty hard to find as well. Her dad lives in a small town outside of Fairbanks, Alaska. She may have opportunities to earn money when she is with him during the summers, but I don't know. He is a broke filmmaker living in poverty with a bunch of broke filmmaker friends, and from the sounds of it he has her doing a lot of acting which she is not paid for, but she does enjoy it.

Because of where we live she is able to be very independant though. She walks places or takes the bus by herself. She is not generally a big spender, and she always has at least 25$ in her checking account. It's a very different environment and world from when I grew up. One reason I feel like it may be easier to have her just have her own money is that I rarely have cash on me, and say she needed a poster board or something for a school project. It would be much simpler for her to be able to stop at the drug store on the way home from school than for me to have to deal with it at 7:30 after I leave work.

**LendingWire** · 04-27-2014, 03:29 PM

I think it would be best if you gave your daughter fairly large sums of money, but expected her to cover most everything she buys. That way she could truly begin to learn the value of a dollar, how to save, etc. Letting kids choose what the will spend their money on and making them save for the things they need teaches them how to live in the real world, where they will be doing that with everything they own and have less of a safety net. I think your daughter would come to appreciate it later if you began to teach her how to use money right now. But she's your daughter, so do what you feel is best.

**breathemusic** · 04-27-2014, 04:12 PM

When I was growing up (for reference, I'm 28 now) I got $10 a week. The allowance wasn't specifically tied to particular chores, but the expectation was that if I did all the chores I was asked to do, did my homework, behaved, etc. then I got my allowance. I got a job as soon as I was old enough to and then the allowance stopped, but I was expected to use my own money for certain wants like buying a new CD or getting a friend's birthday gift, etc.

I would usually have a few various chores most days, and then on weekends I would often wake up to a fairly lengthy chore list. The fact that the allowance wasn't so specifically tied to chores made it so that when I wasn't getting allowance later on, it was clear that I was still expected to do the chores. Then again, I was old enough by then to realize that it was also just my responsibility to pitch in.

I think an allowance works as long as you can make sure your kids understand that it's more about learning responsibility and managing their own money rather than just saying "no chores, no money."

**marvholly** · 04-29-2014, 04:31 AM

I have to admit my 'kids' are LONG grown & gone (35 & 38 now). However:

Chores were assigned and done because they were a part of a family & EVERONE had to pitch in.
Allowance was based on estimated expenses (scout dues, school supplies after fall stock up, a bit of fun $, some money to buy lunch 2x/week.......)

As they got older (and started driving) we added a clothing allowance and put them on them a credit card we were NOT using. They were responsible for the bill for anything over the allowed clothing allowence and emergency use (car broke down). We wanted to teach responsible use of $ & credit cards while we still had oversight & control.

As a result they were the ONLY ones of their friends who graduated college without a BUNCH of credit card debt.

I would do exactly the same thing today but adjusting for current costs.

**aukxsona** · 04-29-2014, 10:15 PM

I have 3 teenage daughters

You are lucky you only have one at a time.

My eldest does the dishes.

My second eldest the laundry.

The third eldest the bedroom.

The fourth eldest (11) the bathroom.

No allowance.

Money is earned and living at home requires that they help out. My eldest is almost 18 and says she will never do dishes again, because she is moving out. (LOL) Wait until she is on her own a week. The rest of my kids either enjoy their jobs or get them done so quick it is almost painless.

**hamchan** · 04-30-2014, 12:40 AM

Luck has nothing to do with it. I closed up the factory then burned it to the ground while I was still in my twenties. ;-) I am lucky that the one kid who managed to escape from me is a nice one.

I've been trying to come up with a chore list that seems reasonable. Here's what I am thinking so far. Some of them may seem obvious, but are included because there have been issues in the past:

Daily:
-put all belongings back in bedroom and clean up any craft leavings before going to bed
-feed the fish
-make sure cats have food and water, and that water bowls are free from cat hair and/or disintigrated cat food. Sweep stray cat food up from around food bowl if necessary.
-put all dirty dishes used by her in the sink immediately after use, and dispose of any food related trash immediately after consumption
-put any leftovers away after dinner and clear table. Wipe table down.
-take out any cardboard boxes or full bags of recycling to the recycle bin (this really only needs to be done a couple times a week)

Weekly:
-sweep all hardwood and linoleum floors in apartment
-vacuum her bedroom (floor must be free from objects that do not belong there first)
-dust all shelves, objects on shelves, as well as the desk, the tv stand, and all electronics on the desk and tv stand
-clean bathroom fixtures
-cook dinner once per week. Must let me know at least 24 hours in advance if additional ingredients are needed. Must have at least two servings worth of fruit and/or vegetables.
-empty all small trash bins into large trash bag and take out to dumpster

Does this seem reasonable?

We are sort of leaning toward just giving her a larger sum of money and letting her budget it herself. My biggest concern is that she won't buy things she needs. When I tried to buy her a few new pairs of underwear last summer she kept telling me to pit them back and saying she didn't need them. I had to make her go through her underwear when we got home and throw away the really old worn out pairs. She dumpster dives for clothes. She wears my shoes and doesn't care if she has her own. She is really weird.

**marvholly** · 04-30-2014, 01:25 AM

Hamchan
I think that is WAAAY too much to expect of a hs freshman. She is going to have several hours of homework/night-probably near 1hr/class. She should be participating in some activities at school and/or church be it athletics, clubs or additional learning.

I can see the fish & animal feeding daily, also heling w/dinner cleanup. I can see making dinner 1x/week - good experience in budgeting, learning to cook, time management,,,,,
I think you are expecting WAAAY too much weekly housework above & beyond taking care of HER room & maybe the bath. Trash & recycle runs are ok too because they are quick. She should also learn to do laundry.

**hamchan** · 04-30-2014, 01:33 AM

Marv, our apartment is teeny tiny. I did the dusting and sweeping today, and it took me under 15 minutes for both. The weekly stuff, with the exception of making dinner, could easily be done in under an hour.

**Eagle** · 04-30-2014, 04:40 AM

In talking this over with my wife we're probably going to start money talks with our kids at age 3 or 4. We plan on teaching them to save, give, spend, and invest using the piggy bank below.

(click link to view piggy bank image)

Save: Put coins here for things you want to save up for.
Spend: This the money that you're planning to spend soon.
Donate: Pick your favorite charity and save for it here.
Invest: This is the money you plan to invest for the long-term.

As they get older we're going to have to determine what tasks are simply expected for being a part of the family and what can earn them commissions. We plan on opening a savings and checking account for them.

Attached Files

savingspiggybank.jpg (0, 4 views)

**Eagle** · 04-30-2014, 04:41 AM

Hamchan does your daughter have a savings account?

Have you taught her about investments (mutual funds, stocks, bonds, CD's, Roth IRA, etc.) ?

A good idea might be to help her open a mutual fund. Maybe even an index mutual fund through Vanguard (I think the teen one is called Vanguard Star)?

Teens, chores, and allowance