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My dad is 73 and diabetic, and my mom is 70 with stage-4 Parkinson disease. They were once rich, but several bad business and personal decisions have severely depleted their wealth. Now, they are living off of what they have left from their savings, and have no retirement income other than minimal social security benefits that is barely covering for the Medicare supplements. With the combination of their high egos and prides, accustomed to carefree spending, and love to do more “business”, they will completely deplete their financial resources within two years.
They have already sold their house to tap in the funds, so reverse mortgage is no longer an option. Both enjoy living in their old ways and are not willing to face the reality. Until their funds are fully depleted, they want to continue to maintain their expensive lifestyle.
I have tried to talk to them about financial planning, transparent with their financial status and understand future healthcare needs… nothing worked. All I got was major hostility from them. They have also refused to take advice from any friends and family.
I realize I cannot help them if they refuse to help themselves. And they are ultimately responsible for their own actions. But precedent suggests they will simply blame others for their “bad lucks”, and it is not their fault for wasting all their savings. So once they hit bottom in the next two-three years, they will have no problem showing up on my door steps asking me to take them in. They will be only 75 and 72… and with no savings, no income, and not mentioning by then they will require nursing care assistance, they will be imposing enormous amount of annual expenses on me. And to rub it in, it proofs to them that their irresponsible behaviors have no consequences. Meanwhile, I have been working hard and saving diligently so I can retire safely someday. I resent my parents selfishly imposing their retirement on me, setting my own retirement back 15+ years.
My parents have never been there for me. I grew up with a nanny and was a latchkey kid. My parents lived in another country so they can do their business, and I saw two to three times a year for one week each. They were never there – not on my birthdays, not on holidays, and not on my graduations. I never experienced warmth and love of a family like most people has, and they are like strangers to me. So it is frustrating to me that they continuously ask me to rescue them again and again.
The questions are: Do I have filial and/or fiduciary responsibility to deal with their recklessness with their finance? Do I have to open my door when they knock? Am I obligated to take them in? I am in California, does that mean I need to move to another state or I am definitely screwed by my parents? If no, with no money and no income, what are their options? What are my options?
I need help...
They have already sold their house to tap in the funds, so reverse mortgage is no longer an option. Both enjoy living in their old ways and are not willing to face the reality. Until their funds are fully depleted, they want to continue to maintain their expensive lifestyle.
I have tried to talk to them about financial planning, transparent with their financial status and understand future healthcare needs… nothing worked. All I got was major hostility from them. They have also refused to take advice from any friends and family.
I realize I cannot help them if they refuse to help themselves. And they are ultimately responsible for their own actions. But precedent suggests they will simply blame others for their “bad lucks”, and it is not their fault for wasting all their savings. So once they hit bottom in the next two-three years, they will have no problem showing up on my door steps asking me to take them in. They will be only 75 and 72… and with no savings, no income, and not mentioning by then they will require nursing care assistance, they will be imposing enormous amount of annual expenses on me. And to rub it in, it proofs to them that their irresponsible behaviors have no consequences. Meanwhile, I have been working hard and saving diligently so I can retire safely someday. I resent my parents selfishly imposing their retirement on me, setting my own retirement back 15+ years.
My parents have never been there for me. I grew up with a nanny and was a latchkey kid. My parents lived in another country so they can do their business, and I saw two to three times a year for one week each. They were never there – not on my birthdays, not on holidays, and not on my graduations. I never experienced warmth and love of a family like most people has, and they are like strangers to me. So it is frustrating to me that they continuously ask me to rescue them again and again.
The questions are: Do I have filial and/or fiduciary responsibility to deal with their recklessness with their finance? Do I have to open my door when they knock? Am I obligated to take them in? I am in California, does that mean I need to move to another state or I am definitely screwed by my parents? If no, with no money and no income, what are their options? What are my options?
I need help...
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