dads going into a nursing home tomorrow

[97guns]

i just got back from signing the papers. $2800/month for a studio apt., $1700/month for the care and $500/month for medications. even though its not my money it was pretty tough cutting them a check for $7500 for a month and a half, his income is only $2200/month derived from SS, dividends and a small pension, he will need to dig out $3K a month out of savings. my plan is to rent his house out if he is comfortable in his new environment, $2200-$2500 is the market rate so he would almost be there under this scenario. moral of the story, there are many

[Blessed]

That has to be tough. I'm glad you can almost make it work with the potential rent. I hope he finds it very comfy. I cried my eyes out when I had to sign those papers for my Gram. She was in assisted living 7 years and an Alzheimer's unit for 6. I'm glad she didn't know she ran out of money that last year.

[QuarterMillionMan]

Try contacting one of the LTC insurance companies to see if your dad can still be covered;



Genworth
John Hancock
United of Omaha
Transamerica Care
Prudential

[marvholly]

Actually $5000/month is CHEAP for the services you are describing. It is nearly 3 years since I was checking into this for my Dad. Here in the burbs of Chicago this would have cost $7-8000 ten and MUCH more now. The level of care my Dad needed brought the cost up to $10,000/month.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

My dad and his brothers set the bar really high when they found a nursing home for their father. It was not a particularly expensive one. What set the bar high was that between the three of them, there was one child with Grandpa from morning to evening, 7 days a week! When I went to visit my Dad in those years, if it was his day to be with Grandpa, we spent the day at the nursing home. Of course Grandpa's children were all retired by then themselves and lived in the same city--though the nursing home was about 50 miles away.

Now my own Dad lives with my sister in a town where none of his other children live. I'm in the Midwest, they are on the southeast coast. I could not be there very often for him if he goes to a nursing home. I imagine that if Dad will be as mentally astute as my Grandfather was in his last years, he would like daily company, too. Sadly that cannot happen. His children are all still working, except me, basically....Maybe some of the grandchildren and great-grandchildren can fill in a bit.

Anyway, money will be an issue, but so will family life.

[coffee]

Being Greek American, it is not cool in our culture with the nursing home thing until absolutely needed. We did put my grandmother in one in late 1996 when she was 97 and she passed away at 100. My dad would go there twice a week (40 miles away) and 2 other aunts were there almost daily. My asshole cousin on my mom's side put her parents in one which is not that great because her mother in law was at that one and they live 5 miles away and visit once every two weeks at most. If you have loved ones in a place, the best things you can do is show up frequently and bring them real food.

[disneysteve]

i just got back from signing the papers. $2800/month for a studio apt., $1700/month for the care and $500/month for medications. even though its not my money it was pretty tough cutting them a check for $7500 for a month and a half, his income is only $2200/month derived from SS, dividends and a small pension, he will need to dig out $3K a month out of savings. my plan is to rent his house out if he is comfortable in his new environment, $2200-$2500 is the market rate so he would almost be there under this scenario. moral of the story, there are many

Sounds like he is in good shape and he's lucky to have you around to take care of business.

Being Greek American, it is not cool in our culture with the nursing home thing until absolutely needed.

Certainly, I don't think anyone should be in a nursing home unless absolutely needed. What I see far more commonly, though, is people who need to be in a nursing home and family won't do it. Either they feel guilty or they don't want to give up the money. The result is that many elderly folks are at home getting inadequate care, or possibly acceptable care by family members who are totally stressed and overwhelmed trying to provide that care. It can be very hard to convince them that putting their loved one somewhere where they will be well cared for isn't a bad thing - it is leaving them at home that is the bad thing.

[bjl584]

My family is currently dealing with an issue with my Grandmother. They are trying to get her into a nursing home, but her Social Security won't cover it. And, she doesn't have many other assets. We are trying to get assistance from the veterans since my grandfather was in the army, but the amount of red tape is overwhelming. And there are no guarantees with that anyway. We have explored the idea of having people come to the house, but again, the red tape and waiting period are so long. We've also looked at cheaper nursing homes, but there are no openings in the area. Every place we contacted had a waiting list.

[LizfromtheBronx]

I'm trying to help my mom figure a similar situation out for her parents...

Grandpa is 83, mentally sharp as a tack but physically starting to break down (hips, heart issues). Grandma is 81, and in good physical shape, but has dementia (not officially diagnosed, but it's very clear that we have a big problem).

The complication is that they live independently in Las Vegas. They retired to Vegas almost 20 years ago, but no one else in the family lives remotely nearby. One of my aunts lives in Louisville, KY...another aunt and my mom live here in NYC (in the outer boroughs). Grandparents have no interest in living with any of them....

Grandpa is talking about moving back to NYC (Manhattan), getting an apartment and putting Grandma in a facility that is equipped to handle Alzheimer's/Dementia, etc. No one is really sure what to do.

It's not a financial issue - they have very low expenses (if they're $1k a month, I'd be shocked), good pensions from the City of NY, Social Security, he is a veteran, and they have assets of almost $1mm. Just more of a....how does this all work? I don't think they'd want to be separated, but CAN they live together?

[Baby_nurse]

Vegas has a booming business in assisted living facilities, if that's where they would like to stay. I have no doubt that they could find a facility that would be more than capable of allowing them to stay together and meeting both their needs.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

97guns, I also want to wish you wisdom and all kinds of good judgement and whatever you will need for your relationship with your Dad in the coming years. I think this is a milestone event not just in your Dad's life, but in yours.

[greenskeeper]

I work in the retirement housing industry (building maintenance). Our company provides all 3 levels of care at the same campus (independent, assisted, and medical). Buy in and monthly fee varies depending on what size apartment you want (1, 2 or 3 bedroom). Monthly fees never change reguardless of the level of care you required. Our samaritain fund allows residents who run out of money to stay.

There are couples who stay together through all 3 levels of care as well as some that get "split" into seperate apartments due to different care needs but are at the same campus and all areas are accessable without going outside.