accept credit bought christmas gifts?

[bethasaver]

Just wondering what everyone thinks about stuff like this. My mother in law who is financially irresponsible and is facing being homeless because she's been living in her father's house- he has a mortgage on the house and he just passed away.

Anyway, I told my husband to please let her know that we won't be accepting any store bought Christmas gifts from her to us or the kids this year and that we'd be perfectly happy if she made us some of her candy or something like that. She's insisting that she's buying the gifts. We know this will be put on a credit card with a very high interest rate. We hate to see her sabotaging herself financially over and over. As a side note, I've bought her a Dave Ramsey book on CD as a Christmas gift. Would would you all do? Short of yanking the gifts out of the kid's hands and making a scene refusing to take them- I'm not sure how to handle it but we don't feel comfortable accepting either.

[EarlyRetirementJoy]

This is a tough, tough one. So tough I went searching for suggestions online, and found this: When Someone Gives You a Gift They Cannot Afford | Three Thrifty Guys

The best suggestion I saw was that while you really can't stop your MIL from buying your family gifts, you might want to consider returning them for cash or store credit, and then keep any refund you receive on hand to "gift" back to your mother in law at the inevitable point she needs it all back.

[disneysteve]

I know a number of people who are lousy with money and part of that problem manifests itself as giving gifts they can't afford to give. I think it depends somewhat on the situation but in general, unless someone asks for my help, I don't get involved in how they choose to spend their money. If she wants to give you guys gifts, that's her business. If she wants to be homeless and buried in debt, that's also her business. As long as you and your husband make it crystal clear that you are not going to bail her out. She is not moving into your guest room. You aren't giving her money to pay her bills. She's an adult and she needs to manage her own affairs.

The suggestion to return the gifts and find a way to get the money back to her is a good one and I wouldn't have a problem with that. You could even do it anonymously - mail her a store gift card without identifying who sent it. Maybe just a holiday card with no signature.

If you do go that route, I probably wouldnt involve the kids in the process (depends on their ages). Let them have their gifts but return what she gives you and your husband.

[bethasaver]

Thanks EarlyR. Good article. I don't have the slightest idea where she buys this stuff though. Various Costcos, Marshall's, Outlet stores I'm guessing. She also keeps tabs on what she gives people and when she comes over she looks for the gifts and will ask where it is. After being bought some type of hideous fake fishtank light up picture frame thing that we donated to charity, my husband eventually told her that we didn't like it and gave it away. She was highly insulted. Anyway, it's sort of nice to get that re-assurance that this isn't our problem and I shouldn't worry about it.

disneysteve- that's exactly my worry. She'll be around 70 years old, unable to work any longer and turn to her kids. According to her this is why she has 4 children, because it is their duty to support her when she's old and can't support herself. My husband does need to make it crystal clear to her that we don't have supporting her in our long term financial plan- we'll be putting our own children through college at about that time anyhow.


Thanks!!

[thesimplemoneyblog]

Yeah, very tough scenario. As the others indicated though, it is her problem do deal with, and if you can be strong and resist supporting her after she is the one who made those decisions to gift irresponsibly, then great for you two. Some people no matter how much money they have never have enough because they aren't responsible enough to live within their means. One takeaway for you and your husband is to use this as an example of how NOT to live and what happens if you don't manage your finances responsibly.

I'm not sure how I feel about the anonymous gift card. It sounds like it would just end up being wasted anyways and wouldn't likely have an impact. Give her $30, she'll be so gracious she spends $40. In an ideal world, I like the concept of returning it and saving it for when she does need money, but then that would just reinforce that you are willing and able to bail her out in tough times. It's not like you would be able to say 'oh, we have been selling and returning your gifts to come up with the money' and you don't want her to think you are just gifting her the funds out of your savings either.

Despite the tough love involved, you seem to be handling it as best you can though.