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I just need some perspective from the "outside" about what advice I should give my father. I will try to summarize the situation but it is a long story.
In 2006, my father and mother were both diagnosed with cancer. When my mother passed away, I took over for my mother the duty of keeping track of all of Dad's finances and paying all of his bills. I had to sort out everything, settle my mother's trust and maintain all of his records. Shortly after my mother's death, an old girlfriend from high school started calling him. He was lonely, scared and happy to have someone to talk to. This led to her divorcing her husband to be with my father. He loaned her (with a formal loan agreement drawn up by a lawyer) money to buy out her husband's half of her house. Her children are in their 40's and have careers and families of their own. Dad drew up a prenuptial agreement before they got married which she refused to sign. She broke off the engagement sending him into desperation mode. My brothers, my aunt (who is good friend's with the sister of the fiance) all told him that the prenup was a deal-breaker. My father has assets in the $3MM range mostly in property that he bought from his parents (a family farm) and from businesses he started and ran with my mother. Well, he married the fiance anyway without the prenup at the courthouse without telling anyone until they had done it. He kept his trust documents and Will the same and has never added her name to anything and they have kept all of their finances separate except for a small joint account with less than $1000 in it.
The marriage happened in July 2008.
In October 2009, the new wife moved everything she had at my Dad's house back to hers and said she wanted a divorce because he hadn't added her to his will. She has a pension and social security and her house is in a resort and pays for itself as she rents the lower level for income. Thus, she has no living expenses beyond food, gasoline, and clothing. Her health insurance is covered in her retirement plan. My father pays for all joint expenses when they are together including her gasoline (when she's at her house and he's at his, she may buy groceries for herself). She only pays him for the loan that he gave her to pay off her ex-husband. She has plenty of money to maintain her lifestyle if something happens to my father. She and her ex always had separate finances and she has refused to put mix any of her monthly income with my father. He knows what she makes (and so do I) because they file joint taxes. They managed to get back together by December of 2009.
In December of 2010, she leaves my father again and says that she wants a divorce and she is not changing her mind this time. The reason is again financial. She is still angry that my father is having her pay back the loan - although just the principle and no interest. She says that she wants him to forgive the loan and pay for the divorce. He says that he is not going to do either as he does not really want the divorce. At this point he is rather disgusted with her and has said that she "just wants my money" - something he has refused to believe in the past.
I would like for my father to just divorce her and get it over with. I worry that if something happens to him, that she is going to be a major problem for my brother and I and will fight the will and trust. Would you give your parent the same advice? I don't think anything will happen as she does not want to pay a lawyer for the divorce. I think they may stay separated forever as an alternative. My father's health is precarious: his cancer could return at any time, he's had blood clots recently, and he has poorly-controlled type 2 diabetes. She continues to string him along. Right now, he is at his warm-weather condo while she is at her house. When the winter ends and he returns to his house, I think she will continue to string him along.
This is an irritating and sticky situation for me. I love my father and want him to be happy but I also don't want him to be taken advantage of. I question her motives but have never voiced them in a negative way until now to my father. I know he wants his children to inherit the property and assets that he and my mother worked for together while they were married. He also wants to provide a little for his current wife to make sure that she is very comfortable if something happens to him. This he has done in a draft Will that he let me read and approve. It has not been finalized or signed. He has started paperwork to turn over the family farm to my brother and I now because he told me he was fearful that she would get it if something happened to him.
What comments or advice would you offer?
In 2006, my father and mother were both diagnosed with cancer. When my mother passed away, I took over for my mother the duty of keeping track of all of Dad's finances and paying all of his bills. I had to sort out everything, settle my mother's trust and maintain all of his records. Shortly after my mother's death, an old girlfriend from high school started calling him. He was lonely, scared and happy to have someone to talk to. This led to her divorcing her husband to be with my father. He loaned her (with a formal loan agreement drawn up by a lawyer) money to buy out her husband's half of her house. Her children are in their 40's and have careers and families of their own. Dad drew up a prenuptial agreement before they got married which she refused to sign. She broke off the engagement sending him into desperation mode. My brothers, my aunt (who is good friend's with the sister of the fiance) all told him that the prenup was a deal-breaker. My father has assets in the $3MM range mostly in property that he bought from his parents (a family farm) and from businesses he started and ran with my mother. Well, he married the fiance anyway without the prenup at the courthouse without telling anyone until they had done it. He kept his trust documents and Will the same and has never added her name to anything and they have kept all of their finances separate except for a small joint account with less than $1000 in it.
The marriage happened in July 2008.
In October 2009, the new wife moved everything she had at my Dad's house back to hers and said she wanted a divorce because he hadn't added her to his will. She has a pension and social security and her house is in a resort and pays for itself as she rents the lower level for income. Thus, she has no living expenses beyond food, gasoline, and clothing. Her health insurance is covered in her retirement plan. My father pays for all joint expenses when they are together including her gasoline (when she's at her house and he's at his, she may buy groceries for herself). She only pays him for the loan that he gave her to pay off her ex-husband. She has plenty of money to maintain her lifestyle if something happens to my father. She and her ex always had separate finances and she has refused to put mix any of her monthly income with my father. He knows what she makes (and so do I) because they file joint taxes. They managed to get back together by December of 2009.
In December of 2010, she leaves my father again and says that she wants a divorce and she is not changing her mind this time. The reason is again financial. She is still angry that my father is having her pay back the loan - although just the principle and no interest. She says that she wants him to forgive the loan and pay for the divorce. He says that he is not going to do either as he does not really want the divorce. At this point he is rather disgusted with her and has said that she "just wants my money" - something he has refused to believe in the past.
I would like for my father to just divorce her and get it over with. I worry that if something happens to him, that she is going to be a major problem for my brother and I and will fight the will and trust. Would you give your parent the same advice? I don't think anything will happen as she does not want to pay a lawyer for the divorce. I think they may stay separated forever as an alternative. My father's health is precarious: his cancer could return at any time, he's had blood clots recently, and he has poorly-controlled type 2 diabetes. She continues to string him along. Right now, he is at his warm-weather condo while she is at her house. When the winter ends and he returns to his house, I think she will continue to string him along.
This is an irritating and sticky situation for me. I love my father and want him to be happy but I also don't want him to be taken advantage of. I question her motives but have never voiced them in a negative way until now to my father. I know he wants his children to inherit the property and assets that he and my mother worked for together while they were married. He also wants to provide a little for his current wife to make sure that she is very comfortable if something happens to him. This he has done in a draft Will that he let me read and approve. It has not been finalized or signed. He has started paperwork to turn over the family farm to my brother and I now because he told me he was fearful that she would get it if something happened to him.
What comments or advice would you offer?
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