Planning group dinner for GF

**disneysteve** · 12-07-2010, 12:45 PM

This is really not a question that we can answer for you as we know nothing of your situation.

Can you afford to spend $250-300 for dinner?
Are all of the friends expecting a free meal or have they offered to pay their own way?

Are you in debt? Do you have an emergency fund?

**nycdebt** · 12-07-2010, 12:56 PM

Money is not an issue. I have very little debt from school at a fixed rate (should have it paid off within the next 3 years)

No CC debt and a good paying job in NYC.

I guess i'm just asking to see if it's "required" that I pay if I set this up and invited everyone.

I've have dinner with this bunch before and we've just always split the bill.

**bjl584** · 12-07-2010, 12:58 PM

You pay for your meal and the gf's meal. Everyone else kicks in.

**disneysteve** · 12-07-2010, 01:09 PM

Originally posted by nycdebt View Post

Money is not an issue.

I guess i'm just asking to see if it's "required" that I pay if I set this up and invited everyone.

Originally posted by bjl584 View Post

You pay for your meal and the gf's meal. Everyone else kicks in.

I think it really depends on how you go about it. If a friend called me and invited me to a surprise party for his fiance, I would not expect to be paying for my own dinner.

If, however, my friend called and said he wanted to get a bunch of friends together and all go out to dinner for his fiance's birthday, I would expect to be paying my way.

So I don't think you are required to pay. If you choose to pay, that's great. However, wouldn't you rather spend your money on your fiance rather than on buying dinner for your friends?

**Ima saver** · 12-07-2010, 01:09 PM

I think you should pay for everyone's meal since you invited them.

**wincrasher** · 12-07-2010, 01:57 PM

Steve's advice sounds reasonable. But there is nothing wrong with being direct.

Sounds to me like you'd rather not pay. So I'd just tell them you are all getting together to celebrate her birthday. I'd mention if gifts are expected or not. Or if you are giving her something special or extravagant, you let them know.

You could split the difference - you could say you are picking up drinks and desert, but they are on their own for meals.

But if you are not paying - then keep the venue reasonable for the guests - don't ask people to come that you know are in a tough place financially.

I just re-read your post - are you popping the question at this thing? You said "soon to be fiancee" - that changes the equation considerably. You don't ask people to pay to come to what is essentially an engagement party.

**snafu** · 12-07-2010, 02:01 PM

We've been guests at restaurant based surprise parties many times and expect to pay our share of the bill and drinks. The host often brings a special ordered Birthday cake and more often than not, we all chip in on a memorable gift [$20. x 20 people = $400.].

If this group is accustomed to paying for their own dinner when they get together, I suggest the sum you considered spending on dinner be used for a really spectacular gift that can be enjoyed for a long time.

**disneysteve** · 12-07-2010, 02:11 PM

Originally posted by snafu View Post

We've been guests at restaurant based surprise parties many times and expect to pay our share of the bill and drinks.

I have also been a guest at numerous restaurant-based parties and have never paid to attend. I've also hosted a few and always picked up the tab. We just did it for my mother's 80th in August and we did a joint party 5 years ago when she turned 75 and two other relatives had milestone birthdays. My wife and I split the tab with their kids so 4 couples paid for a party for about 25 guests.

**nycdebt** · 12-07-2010, 02:43 PM

Thank you for all your advice/opinions.

This is definitely not the engagement party, I won't be proposing until early next year. And I definitely wouldn't expect anyone to pay at my engagement party.

I just wanted to hear some opinions and what was the typical protocal in cases like this but as many of you mentioned, it all depends on the situation.

I will certainly bring a cake for the end and at this point, I have no problem paying for food while the rest of the gang just splits the alcohol bill.

I think it would be a great gesture and it would really make my GF happy.

She's not big on extravagant gifts but a night out with her best friends would mean a lot to her

**disneysteve** · 12-07-2010, 02:45 PM

Originally posted by nycdebt View Post

I will certainly bring a cake for the end and at this point, I have no problem paying for food while the rest of the gang just splits the alcohol bill.

I think it would be a great gesture and it would really make my GF happy

Make sure the restaurant is okay with you bringing in a cake. Some won't allow you to bring in outside food.

Make sure your guests know that they are responsible for their own bar tabs.

Have a great party.

**nycdebt** · 12-07-2010, 02:46 PM

Originally posted by disneysteve View Post

Make sure the restaurant is okay with you bringing in a cake. Some won't allow you to bring in outside food.

Make sure your guests know that they are responsible for their own bar tabs.

Have a great party.

Thanks Steve, appreciate the advice.

**Aleta** · 12-07-2010, 03:00 PM

For one of my milestone birthdays, my husband had a surprise birthday party for me at Tony Roma's. They had a very nice party room. He ordered a wide variety of appetizers, a couple round of drinks, the cake, and everyone was on their own after that to pay for any extra liquor. I think you can do something very nice and within reason without breaking the bank. I think it even icluded coffee.

**wincrasher** · 12-07-2010, 04:45 PM

Actually, these days it's a bad idea to buy of bunch of drinks for a group. If anything unfortunate were to happen, you could be held responsible, as could the restaurant/bar. They have insurance for such things and you do not.

**DebbieL** · 12-07-2010, 10:08 PM

In that situation I would expect to pay for my own meal. I'm just invited - I'm not the birthday girl. I never assume anyone else will pay. If they did, that would be a pleasant surprise, but I would attend expecting to pick up my own tab.

Planning group dinner for GF