secret spending

[feh]

Saw this on CNN this morning. I find it very troubling for a couple reasons: 1) people are being dishonest with their significant other and 2) the excuses/attitude that people have toward buying things they clearly don't need.

I'm a secret spender - Hannah Shaner: Hides her shoes (1) - CNNMoney.com

[EEinNJ]

I saw this also, it was revolting. The piece had a real sexist bias, too- mostly about "Frilly Millies" who bought shoes to feel good, or going to get their hair done.Of course, the justification was that they DO need it and felt entitled. That they have to keep it secret should be the big clue that it's not OK.

[wincrasher]

Hey, it wasn't totally gold-diggin trophy wives and their shoes.

There was the poor tale about a man and his meat.

Women never understand a man's connection with his meat....

[PennySqueezer]

Funny enough, the two or three personal secret spenders stories I've heard were about men. I do not think this is a man / woman problem. This is a human problem. And fundamentally, I think it's about weakness. If you cannot understand that hiding something makes it wrong to you subconsciously, you need to spend your shoe money on a good therapist.

[nick__45]

Saw the same article and was going to start a thread about it. These people are somewhat better off so if they are not behind on their mortgage and not collecting welfare, I don't see an issue with it. I can relate to the shoe things though and it is part inferiority complex for me because I grew up with one pair every 3 years and they're always cheap until I went to college. For other people, I think it's a 'spoil brat' mentality.

[DebbieL]

I didn't see where it said they weren't in financial trouble or behind on their mortgages, but even so it's the lying that's the issue. For some of the couples it was kind of "jokey" which I think is fine (the husband knows that the clothes are new and they both kind of understand that she's going to say she's had them for ages). When it is truly deception, then I think it is a problem. Most of what I saw was more of the "fun" type in the article. It didn't seem to be anything too serious IMO. I'm sure their partner probably has a pretty good idea.

[Seeker]

Yeah, I agree with DebbieL.

What I'd like to know is where these men come from?

Frankly, I'd probably have to leave new shoes in the hallway for him to trip over before he'd notice anything like my purchasing things like that. But I'm not a person who'd purchase "just because" anyway.

[Seeker]

One other thought: it's very likely that none of those people have a clear-cut defined budget... Where each person has "mad money" to spend as they will without question.

Thus, I'd also add that the secrecy is indicative of communication issues or where one of the party is not bending/understanding/flexible to the others needs. Assuming that this CNN article is not "play."

[SimplySaving]

To me it's more of a marriage problem than a financial problem. And the marriage problem is much more serious in my book.

[cjscully]

To me it's more of a marriage problem than a financial problem. And the marriage problem is much more serious in my book.

I tend to agree with you here. Assuming these couples can afford these purchases, I don't see why they can't communicate about them. Heck, if I can't talk to my wife about wanting to buy this or that or she can't talk to me, that's much more serious than the purchases themselves by a long shot.

[snafu]

If a spouse/SO lies about small things like shoes they likely tell whoopers about Big, important things. If it's ok to lie, I guess it's ok to prevaricate, falsify, deceive...like so many of the power brokers on Wall Street.

[Sissta2009]

I saw this also, it was revolting. The piece had a real sexist bias, too- mostly about "Frilly Millies" who bought shoes to feel good, or going to get their hair done.Of course, the justification was that they DO need it and felt entitled. That they have to keep it secret should be the big clue that it's not OK.

Very good point - if they "need" it, then why are they ashamed (hiding it)

[krantcents]

I find this very sad! There is a deeper problem if you have to hide something from your spouse. What else is the person hiding? Is it only with money? It begs more and more questions.