people that envy the rich

[investingnoob]

So I'm struggling with an issue I have with my girlfriend, and this goes for people in general.
She has a tendency to say "it must be nice!" when she watches rich people on tv with their fancy lifestyles. Or my favorite, how her best friend is 22, lives at home free, never had a job, her parents gave her a new car, pay her bills, spending money whenever, and grandma pays her gas....
Or her friends that their husband's let their wives not work.

I'm a little annoyed now, I mean sure getting riches or hitting lottery would be great, but don't dwell on it.

I was raised to work hard and didn't get things handed to me. I feel like she needs to build her own wealth. How about work hard and get promoted?

I also feel she is feeling she has it rough with me and not lucky as her friends. It hurts, i work my ass off for the things I have, as well sacrificed to get them.
I'm 22 with a house, 2 paid off cars, 401k, roth ira, pretty good for my age. I'm not perfect nor am I some doctor. And I let her live with me...
I think people may think she has it pretty good.

Am I wrong here? Just really annoyed.

[disneysteve]

I know exactly what you mean. There are always folks who look at celebrities and think "it must be nice" but they seem to ignore all of the stories about the problems those folks have with drug addiction, relationship issues and such. Toni Braxton just filed for bankruptcy, for the 2nd time in 10 years. Is that who your girlfriend wants to emulate?

As for her friend who has zero independence, no motivation, no job and no future, what exactly appeals to her there?

Why do you allow this person to live with you? Is she paying rent? Utilities? If not, why?

Sounds like you need to cut this one loose.

[snafu]

I'm delighted that you know you and GF have really serious money issues and totally different value systems. If this gal is seeking a 'sugar daddy' will you ever make her happy? How can she make you happy if she want to emulate her friend...not accomplish much as a parasite. Can we be so rude to suggest you re-think this relationship?

[zakity]

Yeah, I would keep this one as a short-term girlfriend.

[asmom]

So I'm struggling with an issue I have with my girlfriend, and this goes for people in general.
She has a tendency to say "it must be nice!" when she watches rich people on tv with their fancy lifestyles. Or my favorite, how her best friend is 22, lives at home free, never had a job, her parents gave her a new car, pay her bills, spending money whenever, and grandma pays her gas....
Or her friends that their husband's let their wives not work.

I'm a little annoyed now, I mean sure getting riches or hitting lottery would be great, but don't dwell on it.

I was raised to work hard and didn't get things handed to me. I feel like she needs to build her own wealth. How about work hard and get promoted?

I also feel she is feeling she has it rough with me and not lucky as her friends. It hurts, i work my ass off for the things I have, as well sacrificed to get them.
I'm 22 with a house, 2 paid off cars, 401k, roth ira, pretty good for my age. I'm not perfect nor am I some doctor. And I let her live with me...
I think people may think she has it pretty good.

Am I wrong here? Just really annoyed.

"It must be nce" That annoys you that much, really? What is the real story here because I don't think that is such a big deal. It's just something people say.

I'm almost twice your age and I've dated and known many people with some serious character flaws. This doesn't even move the meter. Now what's really going on?

[disneysteve]

"It must be nce" That annoys you that much, really? What is the real story here because I don't think that is such a big deal.

I don't know. I think it is pretty significant that she is jealous of her friend who is mooching off her parents and not making her own way in life. I loved my parents but I couldn't wait to get my own place and start having my own life as an independent adult. I totally don't comprehend the trend today for adult children to stay with mom and dad well into their 20s and even their 30s. It certainly isn't something to be proud of or for others to envy.

[Seeker]

So I'm struggling with an issue I have with my girlfriend, and this goes for people in general.
She has a tendency to say "it must be nice!" when she watches rich people on tv with their fancy lifestyles. Or my favorite, how her best friend is 22, lives at home free, never had a job, her parents gave her a new car, pay her bills, spending money whenever, and grandma pays her gas....
Or her friends that their husband's let their wives not work.

I'm a little annoyed now, I mean sure getting riches or hitting lottery would be great, but don't dwell on it.

I was raised to work hard and didn't get things handed to me. I feel like she needs to build her own wealth. How about work hard and get promoted?

I also feel she is feeling she has it rough with me and not lucky as her friends. It hurts, i work my ass off for the things I have, as well sacrificed to get them.
I'm 22 with a house, 2 paid off cars, 401k, roth ira, pretty good for my age. I'm not perfect nor am I some doctor. And I let her live with me...
I think people may think she has it pretty good.

Am I wrong here? Just really annoyed.

I'm not seeing anything here except one person's annoyance for another.

investingnoob, what exactly do you say to her when she says this?

How about an honest approach? Have you indicated to her at all, that the comment really makes you feel disvalued?

If you have, and she still repeats this behaviour of comparison, then yes, your feeling will only get worse with time.

If you have not said anything to her about how this makes you feel, then you've lost an opportunity of communication. Your annoyance is misdirected toward her, when in reality, she may not even realize what you think.

[asmom]

I don't know. I think it is pretty significant that she is jealous of her friend who is mooching off her parents and not making her own way in life. I loved my parents but I couldn't wait to get my own place and start having my own life as an independent adult. I totally don't comprehend the trend today for adult children to stay with mom and dad well into their 20s and even their 30s. It certainly isn't something to be proud of or for others to envy.

I guess I just didn't read that much into it.

[Seeker]

Everyone has "trigger words" -- words that mean more to them than are obvious at the verbal, unthinking level. Usually it's because of emotions/experiences tied or linked to the not-so-obvious intent of the words alone.

Taken out of context, the sentence above is quite normal. We've all said it and meant it... but most people (the third person who hears that comment) usually do not take the words as a criticism on them, personally.

Usually when anyone says "it must be nice," they are rather in a daydream state... they are not really thinking.

But investingnoob is 22 and young. She is probaby younger. He's accomplished more at his young age than probably the vast majority of people at his age. Yet he's sensitive to this phrase.

So be it, tell her.

Once she understands that he feels criticised by those words.... then she should stop it.

She may still think it.

But I doubt that she would continue to say this in his presence if she understood his feelings.

[asmom]

Everyone has "trigger words" -- words that mean more to them than are obvious at the verbal, unthinking level. Usually it's because of emotions/experiences tied or linked to the not-so-obvious intent of the words alone.

Taken out of context, the sentence above is quite normal. We've all said it and meant it... but most people (the third person who hears that comment) usually do not take the words as a criticism on them, personally.

Usually when anyone says "it must be nice," they are rather in a daydream state... they are not really thinking.

Well yeah, that's pretty much my take on it. That is why I ask what more is there to this story?

But investingnoob is 22 and young. She is probaby younger. He's accomplished more at his young age than probably the vast majority of people at his age. Yet he's sensitive to this phrase.

So be it, tell her.

Exactly. With all due respect to investingnoob and his girlfriend, the early 20s is still quite young. People mature at different rates. He gets it. She's not there yet. I don't see this as an indication of some sort of deeper character flaw, not at her age.

[Seeker]

People mature at different rates. He gets it. She's not there yet. I don't see this as an indication of some sort of deeper character flaw, not at her age.

The age of these people is incidental.

There's no character "flaw" period, at least IMO. 50 year old's can do this.

This is just another communication "flaw" between two people.

A misunderstanding on her part, of what he thinks. A misunderstanding on his part, of what she is saying, and thinking.

In reality, they both agree about the common premise, it indeed "must be nice!", but one is taking it personally as a criticism, and it's most likely that the other does not intend for those words to be a criticism whatsoever.

But yeah, asmom, I understand you.

[PrincessPerky]

Generally folk who say 'it must be nice' are stuck in a grass is greener kind of thought. The grass ain't green here, but I am a stay at home mom and it is nice for me. If you really want to trade for my troubles then you could stay home too. And if you don't, then don't say 'it must be nice'. Because for you it prolly wouldn't be nice.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

Interesting that age has been brought up. I'm 50+ and my first thought about this was that "It must be nice could" be taken as a sincere observation. One could even say it a chipper manner, happy for the other person. However, then I remembered how I have more often heard the phrase in recent years: as a way of saying that the other person has had unfair benefits that the commenter feels bad or cheated for not having. Maybe the commenter feels hurt; maybe they feel themselves to be suffering an injustice; maybe they are even angry. Sometimes it is meant as a bit of a jab to say that the one person has gotten something unmerited that the second person deserves just as much, if not more.

I do think this is a phrase that can carry a bit of coded meaning nowadays. It has become a somewhat popular thing to say. In part, it probably _is_ a matter of age. I know I've heard it more and more said in a sullen, brooding way---and by people younger than me for the most part.

I do think "It must be nice" is a phrase whose meaning is sometimes intentionally, passive aggressively, ambiguous, so I cannot see it written and understand it the same way I might if hearing it in the actual context. So I think investingnoob has much better understanding of what is really being said than I do. If this were just someone grumping at work, it would probably would be something to just let slide. But being investingnoob's GF, with whom he lives, he probably should talk with her about it rather than let it slide.

[wincrasher]

I think he's insecure. He thinks the GF will leave him for a guy with money. She probably will.

You have to look at it from the other side, though. Being rich is such a burden!

All the women throwing themselves at you. The servants don't manage themselves you know!
All the decisions - take out the Mercedes or the Porsche tonite? It gives me a headache.

[feh]

How about an honest approach? Have you indicated to her at all, that the comment really makes you feel disvalued?

+1

Have you discussed this with her?