What to do next after father's death?

[MaxPowers]

My father died this week, we will have the funeral monday. I am lost on what to do next. I want to help my mom who doesn't know what to do either. I live in another state, my mom and my brother live in the house, and my oldest brother lives in an apartment in the area.
The house that my mom is living in is huge. One of my brothers is living there too until he can find a job, but the house is huge. It must be sold so she can move to a smaller more manageable place. She is old and has trouble moving around.
My dad did everything. Bills, finances, you name it. There is very little continuity. He has paperwork and computer files (we don't know the pass to his keepass database) but we are trying to figure out his organization. We are trying to make notes on stuff we need to do, but we need some direction. Anyone have websites or have advice on how to deal with something like this?

[disneysteve]

I'm very sorry for your loss. My dad died about 18 years ago and also managed most of the household finances. Of course, that was pre-computers so it was much easier to sort through bills and statements. First thing you need to do is find all of the accounts. Go through all of the papers to find as much as you can. Another good place to look is at the checkbook register to see where payments have been sent and any investment firms that have had checks written to them. Pull his credit report at annualcreditreport.com to locate any open credit accounts.

Once you find all of the accounts, you will need to notify each of them of his death. They will probably need a copy of his death certificate so make sure you have plenty of those. Most assets will pass to your mother unless he had someone else designated as beneficiary (like on insurance policies or retirement accounts).

I don't know of any specific websites but I'm sure there are some out there. Just Google settling an estate and you'll probably find some good sources. Also, speak to the family attorney who will be handling the estate and he/she can guide you through the process.

[rob62521]

I am sorry for your loss. I agree with DisneySteve, speak to a family attorney about the estate. State laws will mandate whether it has to enter probate.

Finances aside, do not be afraid to truly mourn. Making snap decisions in grief could hurt you down the road.

Hopefully your mom's name was on accounts -- usually the bank will help with the accounts.

God bless as you deal with this.

[Broken Arrow]

I'm sorry for your loss, Max.

[jIM_Ohio]

sorry for your loss

a quick snapshot would be to run a credit report on father- will tell you any accounts which are open and carrying balances (at minimum). Will tell you if accounts are current as well. Wonb't help with the passwords, but should give 800 numbers to call and help organize as well.

[scfr]

I'm very sorry for your loss. A few suggestions are:

1. Have your mom set up an individual checking account, if she doesn't have one already. Move some of the money that is in joint accounts in to the solo checking account. DO NOT tell anyone at any of the banks that your dad died yet. Wait until after her account is funded (any checks used to fund the account have cleared). By law they may be required to freeze the accounts. Make sure she has enough cash on hand in her individual account to cover her expenses for several months.*

2. Same thing with a safe deposit box, if there is one. If she has a key, have her go the bank and remove anything she may need in case the box is frozen. If your dad's will is in the safe deposit box, it's critical that she get that out of the box before anyone at the bank knows he has died.*

*Whether or not these steps are necessary depend on your state's law. If you have an account with a bank in the same state, you could call and ask them a few "hypothetical questions" to see what they do with assets when a spouse dies. As crazy as these suggestions may sound, believe me, the last thing your mom needs to worry about right now is not being able to get her hands on her cash so that she can pay her bills.

3. If your dad had an attorney, call him/her. Check to see if there is a will. Many attorneys will have clients make a list of assets, which while it may be outdated will be a good place to start.


4. Do a Posthumous Letter of Instructions: Download it for free at
JonathanPond.com - Letter of Instruction
Talk through it with your mom, and fill it our for her. She may know more than she thinks; she just may need some questions to jog her memory. As you find information in you dad's files, add it to the LofI.
This form will help you pull together information on accounts, and will walk you through things you need to do like ordering copies of Death Certificates and notifying Social Security.

5. Get a copy of their 2009 Federal Tax Return. Look at the Schedule B. That should give you a good idea of where assets (bank accounts, mutual funds, etc) were as of 12/31/09. If the 1099's are with the tax return, you'll have the account numbers. If you can't find the tax return quickly, call the IRS. Your mom as co-signer should be able to order a copy.

Good luck with this all of this.

[skylog]

sorry for your loss max

[snafu]

I am sorry for your loss Max. It is very difficult to need to take practical steps during an time of emotional upheaval.

If the house must be sold due to your mom's mobility issues, there is a lot of work that must be done preparing the house. Living in a house day-to-day is different than 'staging' a house for a stranger to imagine themselves living there.