In a tough spot ! Making $300K, gf has debt wants to marry !

[cooliemae]

I agree with most everything already posted.

I've tried to teach her my profession (which only requires her to read and practice from a book), but she doesnt have the confidence in herself and doesnt work at it.

What do we all have to read and practice from a book to make your type of money?

[PetMom]

Agree with Ima Saver - you should be where you just cannot wait to talk to her, for her to come home after work, enjoy being with her, calling her during the day, texting, etc...In other words really in love without any doubts to get married. Cold feet at times but not real doubts or perhaps red flags.

With your income and possibility of kids you could be making a divorce attorney well off in the future. If you feel like she might have too much baggage to be a single mom that would be a mess to sort out in the courts and costly custody battle. Misery for you and the kids and her.

If you are having doubts now - wait. You don't have to rush into marriage just yet. Maybe some couples counseling now. Sort it out now rather than later.

But I have to ask also: you got all this money from a program of reading a book and applying the methods. Can I guess, like a poster already said: day trader? or real estate investment, software development, a rare language expert, selling insurance. Congrats on making that kind of money. A financial prenup would not be a bad idea if you do go forward.

[secretlyrich]

Thanks for responses all ! Yes, I have talked to her about her financial woes. I even helped her track her expenses to see where she was spending all of her money.

I do care about her alot, so I'll the counseling route and try most of the advice given here.

[BlackDiamond]

"I'm not rich"

You make $300K a year. Um….You are rich. You are probably in the upper 5% of income in this country.

Your GF makes an average salary which is far more close to the average single person in this nation. She seems to have less than average debt, drives a normal-ish car and might just be bad with budgeting and saving. She seems like she is an all around normal person.

She is 30 and wants to get married and have kids. That is also pretty normal. She is probably nagging you because she doesn't want to waste her time with you if this is not what you want.

Seems like you are pretty hard on her for being "average" and not way above average like yourself. No wonder she has low self esteem.

I think you should really just end things with her. It seems like you just want different things in life.

I wasted 3 years of my life with a man who kept telling me that he just wanted to wait until I got my finances in order and we could be better off. Then he ended up leaving me because "he wanted a life of freedom" and went back to a prior gf who had less money than I did, because she didn't care if he saw other women. I despise him. Not because he wanted a life of freedom, or because he left me for another woman. I would not have despised him for that.

No, I despise him because he lied to me for years about why he didn't want to settle down with me.

Maybe you should find someone who lifestyle is more akin to your own. Might be hard though, as most people do not make $300K a year. Or even close to it. I'm in the Boston area and most of my friends are in their mid 30's and make between $35K & $50K a year. But perhaps that is what you should aim for.

I'm also baffled as to what $300K a year job exists that requires nothing more than self confidence and reading. If you honestly think anyone and their grandma could get that job, I think you are rather misguided.

[segmond]

getting married is the worst thing you could to yourself.

you say she doesn't care about money. do you think she will want half if divorce should happen? i bet she will even want more than half. women kill me with all that pretense about not caring about money, yet they are ready to get half, tons of child support and 50 yr alimony.

[segmond]

"I'm not rich"

You make $300K a year. Um….You are rich. You are probably in the upper 5% of income in this country.

Your GF makes an average salary which is far more close to the average single person in this nation. She seems to have less than average debt, drives a normal-ish car and might just be bad with budgeting and saving. She seems like she is an all around normal person.

She is 30 and wants to get married and have kids. That is also pretty normal. She is probably nagging you because she doesn't want to waste her time with you if this is not what you want.

Seems like you are pretty hard on her for being "average" and not way above average like yourself. No wonder she has low self esteem.

I think you should really just end things with her. It seems like you just want different things in life.

I wasted 3 years of my life with a man who kept telling me that he just wanted to wait until I got my finances in order and we could be better off. Then he ended up leaving me because "he wanted a life of freedom" and went back to a prior gf who had less money than I did, because she didn't care if he saw other women. I despise him. Not because he wanted a life of freedom, or because he left me for another woman. I would not have despised him for that.

No, I despise him because he lied to me for years about why he didn't want to settle down with me.

Maybe you should find someone who lifestyle is more akin to your own. Might be hard though, as most people do not make $300K a year. Or even close to it. I'm in the Boston area and most of my friends are in their mid 30's and make between $35K & $50K a year. But perhaps that is what you should aim for.

I'm also baffled as to what $300K a year job exists that requires nothing more than self confidence and reading. If you honestly think anyone and their grandma could get that job, I think you are rather misguided.

oh please! yeah right! go on and blame him for her low self esteem. because he succeed. it's obvious you got issues cuz your man left you after 3 yrs. you despise him, because he had the balls to do what he wanted to. why didn't you let him see other women? maybe yall will be together.

and like the original posted correctly stated, he is not rich. maybe to you. but he is not rich. and if you don't believe that anyone can make $300k a year by having self confidence and reading, then you will never make it. he is not misguided, you are the one that is misguide by your beliefs. you need to open your mind and everything becomes possible.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

Secretlyrich, is going on vacations 7-10 times per year interfering with your beloved's work life? I don't think many people have jobs where they can take off that often. Perhaps you are speaking of weekend trips.

I like your plan to get some couples counseling to figure this stuff out. Good luck.

[BlackDiamond]

"ya'll would still be together"

I am happily engaged to a great guy and could care less about my ex-bf. He is just simply an example I gave to the OP of how NOT to treat his GF. I thank my lucky stars every day that my ex and I are no longer together. I still despise him because he is a horrible person.

I don't know too many women who are "okay" with their long term SO sleeping with other women. I would rather not be with someone like that, thanks. Ladies? Maybe some of the other women here can pitch in and give another opinion. Seems pretty unsafe, what with diseases and all.

I do not know a single person who makes $300K. I don't even know a couple that makes a combined $300K. And I am in a high cost of living area where many people are employed in a big city.

$300K is rich.

No. I don't believe that most people can make $300K a year just by reading and having self esteem. Because if that were the case, and it were that easy, wouldn't more people be doing so? I know doctors and attorneys who do not make $300K a year.

The OP seems to think his GF has problems because she doesn't make as much money as he does when in reality, he makes signifigantly more than 95% of the population. His GF is average and in many ways seems better off than the average person because she has less debt.

I imagine he conveys this to her in subtle ways and yes, I believe it probably does hurt her self esteem whether he realizes it or not. I believe that any woman who is in a long term relationship where she wants to marry and have kids and is constantly told no by her man will have some esteem issues.

[BlackDiamond]

getting married is the worst thing you could to yourself.

you say she doesn't care about money. do you think she will want half if divorce should happen? i bet she will even want more than half. women kill me with all that pretense about not caring about money, yet they are ready to get half, tons of child support and 50 yr alimony.

Yeah. I'm the one that's misguided...

[secretlyrich]

@SecretDiamond: I am not to blame for her low self-esteem. She tells me point blank its because of her family and her decisions from when she was a teenager to shirk college and go travel. I try to encourage her daily by telling her how bright she is. She didnt even know how to download an email attachement 1.5 yrs ago and I taught her how to create a website, and she ended up making an entire website on her own.

@Segmond: You're correct, it really does take confidence, knowledge (reading,etc) and hard-work. Anyone who thinks it doesnt, they're lying to themselves. I love our country !

@Joan.of.the.Arch: Our vacations are usually 5-7 days. She takes leave without pay mostly (which doesnt help her financially :-(

Also, I should say, I'm not expecting her to make even $100K. The only thing I want is a woman that can support herself and that is happy with what she is doing.

[segmond]

@SecretDiamond: I am not to blame for her low self-esteem. She tells me point blank its because of her family and her decisions from when she was a teenager to shirk college and go travel. I try to encourage her daily by telling her how bright she is. She didnt even know how to download an email attachement 1.5 yrs ago and I taught her how to create a website, and she ended up making an entire website on her own.

@Segmond: You're correct, it really does take confidence, knowledge (reading,etc) and hard-work. Anyone who thinks it doesnt, they're lying to themselves. I love our country !

@Joan.of.the.Arch: Our vacations are usually 5-7 days. She takes leave without pay mostly (which doesnt help her financially :-(

Also, I should say, I'm not expecting her to make even $100K. The only thing I want is a woman that can support herself and that is happy with what she is doing.

one thing to always consider in a partner is this. what if something happens to you? you get run over by a bus, or maybe the bus just runs over you and you can't walk or become disabled. can your partner sustain you? are they savvy enough to be able to take over and handle your business, or will everything you work for just fall apart and be in vain? a lot of people preach love and all that, but at the end of the day, marriage is more than love, it's a business transaction. you need someone that thinks somewhat like you. a chicken can't fly high with the eagles.

[safari]

one thing to always consider in a partner is this. what if something happens to you? you get run over by a bus, or maybe the bus just runs over you and you can't walk or become disabled. can your partner sustain you? are they savvy enough to be able to take over and handle your business, or will everything you work for just fall apart and be in vain? a lot of people preach love and all that, but at the end of the day, marriage is more than love, it's a business transaction. you need someone that thinks somewhat like you. a chicken can't fly high with the eagles.

That's why you get term life insurance. If he loves her, the amount of money she makes should not be a factor, considering he makes enough to support both of them, and she seems to be a hard worker with little debt. If he is looking for a woman who makes comparable money to him, she is obviously not the right one for him. He should just move on, as neither of them will be happy in that relationship.

[EconoMutt]

Having a relationship with someone with low self esteem is a problem.
Been There, Done That.
My Advice.
Run like the wind !!!!!

[Scanner]

I think there is a compatibility issue here - no judgment when I say this.

To the OP, money and ambition with regards to that is important. To his girlfriend, it's probably average. That may cast the OP as "materialistic" but that's really okay. Some people are just wired that way.

I think it's best they split and wish each other well before getting further involved.

I know this sounds judgmental but it's really not.

[PetMom]

This is becoming more fascinating of a thread and hopefully want to keep it friendly here but we have had posted here now twice by Secretlyrich and Segmond that all we need are a book (or reading books?) and self confidence and we will have riches and make it? Huh?

I never got my answer as to what op is doing (and certainly a hint would suffice) to have 500k and be making 300k a year - that is not rich? No equity and no mention of retirement fund but mention of several (I would assume semi lavish) vacations a year that the low self esteem intended takes with op.

I had misread she is working after all at a job making probably the typical salary in US now. She is not at poverty level as a single person yet she is made out to have probs because of this. Lack of any real savings - hmmm could it be she has to keep up with a vacation wardrobe, salon expenses to look presentable at these vacation spots and some of her expenses (even chipping in and buying for dinner occasionally).

Counseling may help in finding out if she feels lower self esteem because it is pointed out her 'low' salary and lack of savings. True baggage would be a large cc debt. The desire to have children and want to stay home and raise them is something many women want to do and if there were to be a divorce down the line, the op, being a well off provider for his children would pay child support to make sure his kids were taken care of. It should not become the woman's sole responsibility to raise a chld after divorce.

And Segmond - BlackDiamond is correct in not wanting someone who is cheating during dating. That is absurd to say she should have let him cheat and maybe he would have stayed with her - that would give him the sense it was ok and would continue to be ok. You also state self confidence and a book can get us to make it here in US.

OK, a lot of us have confidence - but give us our missing ingredient - what is this book that is going to help make it.