how do I make this fair?

[cptacek]

I have 8 brothers and sisters. I started the tradition when my oldest sister had her first kid, all of us kids + mom and dad - the one having the kid would put in $25 to go towards the child's future. Someone would generally give a bit more, so we had an even $250 to give, and the parent would either put it in a savings bond or start a mutual fund for the child. I know $25 a person isn't much, but when we started, most of my brothers and sisters were still in high school/grade school, so we just started with $25.

DH's SIL is now pregnant. There is only 2 kids in their family (DH and BIL). Should I try to find a way to carve $250 out of our budget for my upcoming nephew?

Or is this a case of "it doesn't have to be fair"?

[creditcardfree]

Is it just a one time $250 to set up the account, or is this ongoing for each child every year? I'd say do it, if it is a one time thing.

[MonkeyMama]

To be "Fair," I'd give them $25. Whose to say that other people/their family won't give them some money, too?

I wouldn't start a precedent of $250 gifts, unless I could REALLY afford it.

[disneysteve]

To be "Fair," I'd give them $25. Whose to say that other people/their family won't give them some money, too?

I wouldn't start a precedent of $250 gifts, unless I could REALLY afford it.

I tend to agree. You didn't give your siblings $250. You gave them $25. What would be unfair is for you to suddenly give $250 to someone else. Your sister, to whom you gave $25, might be a bit upset if she were to find out that you gave your SIL 10 times more as a gift.

Now if you want to take up a collection among your family members from any who plan to give a gift and put it all together, that would be nice.

[creditcardfree]

Okay...now that I've read the other responses. I tend to agree...$25 is the fair amount. I guess I jumped my response a bit!

[cptacek]

I think you guys are right. Although I do like Steve's suggestion to gather money from other family members (Grandma, parents, her sisters, etc). I mean the point really is to help out my nephew. But I can't send a $250 gift! Heck, I bought material and made gifts for her for the shower because I was cheap!

[snafu]

We do something similar. For birthdays and holidays where giving money is appropriate, older members of our extended family give gifts of money which is added to the mutual fund set up for ea. child. My brother gave my kids money every time the 'tooth fairy' visited. Many relatives give money until kids are old enough to understand gift protocol. Now that several kids are teens, the preferred gift is money which is divided between their mutual fund and their spending.

[Thrif-t]

It's just one of those things...I have 4 siblings and we all chipped in to send our parents on a cruise for their 40th anniversary. Inlaws only had 2 kids we couldn't afford to send them only splitting the bill 2 ways instead of 5. MIL actually commented on not getting a cruise too when their time came years later, I said you needed to have 3 more kids then. They got a weekend getaway that was equivilent to my share of my parents cruise.

[Mike75]

Chip more

Its not about what you contribute, but what is the final amount. Just $25 won't be enough and you need to give the baby a firm start. So, I would say, you should pitch in more. If not @250, then as much as you can afford

[disneysteve]

Just $25 won't be enough

Why not? Who determines how much is "enough" for a gift?

[MonkeyMama]

Why not? Who determines how much is "enough" for a gift?

Agreed.

Not sure my kids got many gifts more than $25. My family is more into financial stability than "generous gifts." But all I could think of is, "I'd take $25!" A few $25 gifts can add up nicely for a new baby.

[cschin4]

CP - If you want to take up a collection and suggest $25, then do so. But in no way should you expect others to give unless they want to. I try not to get involved in "group gifts" and prefer to give what I want to give.

[cschin4]

Okay...now that I've read the other responses. I tend to agree...$25 is the fair amount.

Personally, I don't mind people asking for collections/donations but I would take issue with anyone telling me what is "fair" or how much to give or maybe I prefer to give by myself.

[cschin4]

I tend to agree. You didn't give your siblings $250. You gave them $25. What would be unfair is for you to suddenly give $250 to someone else. Your sister, to whom you gave $25, might be a bit upset if she were to find out that you gave your SIL 10 times more as a gift.

I disagree. One can give their money to whomever and however they want. If I want to give one sis $1000 and another $100, it is neither sister's business.

[cptacek]

Well, I am not allowing anyone to tell me what is fair other than you strangers in the internet I wanted to be ok with it in my own mind, I guess.

I really like my brother in law. But my SIL...well, I'm not that close to her. So, I am trying to make sure that I treat this nephew with the same love and affection as my other 7 nieces/nephews without regard to how not nice she is . So, I thought an outside opinion might help. I'm sure I won't have a problem once the little bugger gets here, though.

I'm leaning towards just $25. I'll just put something the card suggesting to put it away for the future, but really, they can do anything they want with it.