Splitting A Restaurant Bill

[questions]

The other day I went out with a bunch of my girlfriend and her friends for a birthday celebration. It was a medium priced restaurant and I ordered one of the less expensive meals. Some of the women ordered rather expensive meals.

When the bill arrived, one of the women that had ordered a very expensive meal suggested that we split the bill between the 8 of us and pay for the birthday person. All the others agreed.

I was taken aback. My meal was about $15 while the woman that suggested splitting the bill ordered a meal that was above $40 when the two glasses of wine she had were added in.

Since all these women were friends of my girlfriend, I didn't want to seem cheap in front of her and embarrass her so I didn't make a fuss. I ended up paying over $40 for my $15 meal.

Did I do the right thing. Was it better for me to not make a scene in front of my girlfriend's friends even though I really wanted to? Or what should I have done differently? How could I have protested without appearing to be cheap in that situation?

[KTP]

I hate when that type thing happens. Also when you are the one paying the entire bill and everyone else shortchanges you on money because they don't include the price of the tip.

Personally, if a person in the group did that to me I would quietly agree to pay, but then make an excuse that I had other plans every time that person was going to be in the group's dinner out.

[savingmama]

That is horrible! I see what you mean about not wanting to make a big deal about it because they weren't your friends, but it makes it all the worse that you helped pay for their meals. Maybe you should have just offered to personally pay for the birthday girl yourself, then you would still be out about the same amount but at least you would get recognized for paying the birthday girl's bill and not just "splitting it".

[fruitbowlk]

I think you should have said I'm on a budget that's why I wasn't willing to pay over $20 on on a meal and I'm just paying what I spent.

[pretty cheap jewelry]

Excellent Post! This happens much too often, and is so taboo to speak up!
How do I handle it? By avoiding going out to lunch alot! The few times a year I do go out, it's with a wish and fingers crossed.

If I was a better communicator, I'd speak up like fruitbowl. OK, I'll make it a personal goal to do just that next time it happens.

[EEinNJ]

I'm not excusing the person who had the subsidized expensive meal, the appropriate thing for her to do would be to kick in extra. But keep in mind the whole tab was averaged out over 8 people, and you were paying for the birthday girl and probably a 20% tip

And when is YOUR birthday?
Perhaps next time it will be your turn and you can order a steak and a nice glass of wine.

Or you can be a cheapskate, complain, and then stay home by yourself. Not to sound snarky, but that's what happens when people cross over from frugal to stingy.

[Ima saver]

I had this happen to me also. It was the last time I went out to eat with those people. I too, had to pay about $35 for my $10 meal.

[cschin4]

It is a very simple fix. When you go out with ANYONE, you get your own seperate bill. That is what I do. ANd, that is what our friends do. That way, if I want steak and lobster and drinks and dessert, I get it. If I only want an appetizer, I get it. Nobody minds and nobody is "offended" by that. If they are, too bad, they will get over it and realize that is just your "way" so stick to your guns.
However, if you are specifically going to a birthday dinner, that is a different thing. Then, it is assumed that there is one big pot and everyone will pitch in and split and cover the birthday guy/gal's dinner. So, in that case, just go and enjoy and you might as well eat a good dinner even if more expensive if that is what everyone else is doing if you are going to split.
If you find you get invited to too many of these expensive birthday dinners, then just don't go and give a gift to the person later on.

[frito833]

Had this happen to me last year. I pulled out my food envelope and had the word "FOOD" written on it and only had $20. 2 of my friends recognized I'm on the Dave Ramsey Plan and knew it wasn't within my budget. We declined to split the bill equally.

[disneysteve]

This is a common problem and I can understand how it poses a problem for folks on a tight budget. Personally, I have this happen regularly and I just split the bill. It is far easier than everyone trying to figure out how much each one owes individually. Sometimes I pay a fair amount more than I should, other times not. It all balances out over time.

[sandrark]

I offer to total the bill for each person. I'm good at mental math, so now my friends immediately hand me the bill and I tell them what their portion totals.

Sandi

[boosami]

Typically I end up paying for the entire bill at dinners like this, so a 100% split to me is real easy to calculate!

But if I were on a budget and they wanted me to pay $40 for a $15 meal, I would speak up and pay only my $15 plus my portion of the birthday meal. It's not any harder for the others to split the total minus $15 as opposed to just the total... And it doesn't take that long for everyone to throw in some cash covering their portion and then have someone add it all up and make sure it's all covered.

[Justice44]

Good Answer

I think you should have said I'm on a budget that's why I wasn't willing to pay over $20 on on a meal and I'm just paying what I spent.

I agree with you. When you state that you are on bugdet, you don't sound that cheap.

[mom-from-missouri]

I would have said "sorry, I don't have that much on me, but I will pay for mine and 1/8th of the birthday girls."

[inneedofhelp]

I totally feel you on this one...I went to a friend's friend's bday party, and had really only anticipated buying an appetizer. Turns out everyone shared food, the food was ordered before I got there, and another friend said we should all split the bill and pay for the bday person's meal.

Well, it was $25! When I said I don't have enough and can only pay a certain amount, the friend of the bday person (whom I didn't even know, but whom didn't really seem to warm up to me), told me that I had to pay $25. I was upset to say the least, but couldn't let on because it would have appeared rude.

I should have stuck to my original plan of either not eating, or just buying a drink, as i have done previously. The more often people hear you say you aren't eating, the less inclined they are to ask you for money.