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Advice please.
I come from hardworking middle class family – two parents and a
sister in her early 40s. My sister was downsized from working in the financial industry after 18 years at her company early last year. She is also two years divorced with 2 kids and home that she bought out from her husband.
Here’s the story – no sooner than my sister gets laid off – she proclaims that she will work at starting a business. (Normally I would never chime in but because I paid for her divorce (to the tune of $50K), I suggest that perhaps she should make a go at it on the side while she seek a fulltime job because the kids are small and she now has a lofty mortgage to pay.) We argue on and off over much of 2008 and I tell her she is putting all her eggs on one basket – relying on the possibility of a wellness business to gain income and most intelligent folk know that is not wise to do.
In addition, my sister makes futile attempt to enlist the help of my mom with her kids – and that never comes to fruition. My personal take is that my sister should not have used the telephone to engage my mother in such a request – she should have used face to face visit,
filled with consistent, repeated kindness. (Our mom is enjoying the bliss of retirement after 40 years of 6-7/day week working 12 hours/day as a nurse.) To make things worse – my sister’s son suddenly develops a recurrent eye ailment requiring numerous visits to doctors.
So now 18 months have passed, my sister has earned no income from her business and has cut communication from our mother from their arguments over differences.
What I come to learn in June 2009 makes my head want to explode. I learn that my sister was given $40K from our mom – in Dec 2008. – the same person my sister has cut all communication with. My sister is close to foreclosure, months of innumerable unpaid bills and not one moment spent looking for a job. She is insistent about needing childcare and starting a business. I could not even keep my composure – I told her – after stealthily getting $40K out of our mother – you should have groveled, begged, pleaded and did whatever you needed to do to get her to help with the kids.
Most certainly unwise was for her to let 18 months go by. Her excuse is her son’s eye condition and lack of childcare and she blames our dad for suggesting that she pay down her mortgage (using her severance). She needed to do her homework to decide if she could pay down her mortgage and no one knew the reality of her finances till recently. I’m dumbfounded that common sense would not have led her after few initial weeks to secure situation as far as her children are concerned. To her, the whole family is evil and we somehow conspired to seeing that she fails. I told her she did it easily all by herself by not planning well and not having income for 18 months.
In addition I am single, no kids, no husband and there is this resentment my sister has towards me as if I should continue to fill the gap or pay for her mistakes. I told her at $100K of help over the years - the family has gone above and beyond help and she needs to make better decisions.
Thoughts?
I come from hardworking middle class family – two parents and a
sister in her early 40s. My sister was downsized from working in the financial industry after 18 years at her company early last year. She is also two years divorced with 2 kids and home that she bought out from her husband.
Here’s the story – no sooner than my sister gets laid off – she proclaims that she will work at starting a business. (Normally I would never chime in but because I paid for her divorce (to the tune of $50K), I suggest that perhaps she should make a go at it on the side while she seek a fulltime job because the kids are small and she now has a lofty mortgage to pay.) We argue on and off over much of 2008 and I tell her she is putting all her eggs on one basket – relying on the possibility of a wellness business to gain income and most intelligent folk know that is not wise to do.
In addition, my sister makes futile attempt to enlist the help of my mom with her kids – and that never comes to fruition. My personal take is that my sister should not have used the telephone to engage my mother in such a request – she should have used face to face visit,
filled with consistent, repeated kindness. (Our mom is enjoying the bliss of retirement after 40 years of 6-7/day week working 12 hours/day as a nurse.) To make things worse – my sister’s son suddenly develops a recurrent eye ailment requiring numerous visits to doctors.
So now 18 months have passed, my sister has earned no income from her business and has cut communication from our mother from their arguments over differences.
What I come to learn in June 2009 makes my head want to explode. I learn that my sister was given $40K from our mom – in Dec 2008. – the same person my sister has cut all communication with. My sister is close to foreclosure, months of innumerable unpaid bills and not one moment spent looking for a job. She is insistent about needing childcare and starting a business. I could not even keep my composure – I told her – after stealthily getting $40K out of our mother – you should have groveled, begged, pleaded and did whatever you needed to do to get her to help with the kids.
Most certainly unwise was for her to let 18 months go by. Her excuse is her son’s eye condition and lack of childcare and she blames our dad for suggesting that she pay down her mortgage (using her severance). She needed to do her homework to decide if she could pay down her mortgage and no one knew the reality of her finances till recently. I’m dumbfounded that common sense would not have led her after few initial weeks to secure situation as far as her children are concerned. To her, the whole family is evil and we somehow conspired to seeing that she fails. I told her she did it easily all by herself by not planning well and not having income for 18 months.
In addition I am single, no kids, no husband and there is this resentment my sister has towards me as if I should continue to fill the gap or pay for her mistakes. I told her at $100K of help over the years - the family has gone above and beyond help and she needs to make better decisions.
Thoughts?
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