Dealing with money and emotions....

**PetMom** · 08-06-2009, 11:54 AM

You are being realistic to decide if you can afford a baby now.

You could check what maternity leave you would get (US is notorious for not givng moms very much), cost of adding a child to health care plan, and even the cost of daycare in your area. Get the numbers and facts.

This could be a financial goal you could work for.

Read Tightwad Gazette by Amy Dacyzyn - she has lots of tips on children and keeping costs low.

She also pointed out how she thought very strict budgeting could be as cost effective as an added part time job.

Another woman has a blog - google JANE4girls $800.00 budget - who is trying to raise her children on a budget.

Hillbilly housewife has a lot of stuff on it.

And, of course, this forum also has a lot of ways to cut back.

There are lots of ways people are saving money - some more drastic than others.

For some people getting more tightwaddish is a way to relieve the financial and for a lot of people the emotional strain.

Some have coined a phrase: economic stress - CNN has some things about that - very common now.

**TBH** · 08-06-2009, 06:56 PM

Once your debt is payed off, you'll have a lot more financial breathing room, right? The payments currently going to debt could be used to save for things like time off when you have a baby, etc.

Also, do you have better earning prospects in the future? If not, maybe it would be a good investment to go to school to get some qualifications for a better paying job.

**cschin4** · 08-07-2009, 04:22 AM

, I am beginning to panic a bit.

You can only live life day by day. Nobody ever has "enough" money no matter what they do. And, having kids does not have to be a huge expense either. You do not have to succumb to the "baby needs everything under the sun" consumerism. Kids don't really need much except love and food and shelter to thrive. So, I do not think that should be a deterrent.
We can all plan and prepare. In reality, everything we have and worked for could be lost in a moment. You cannot prepare for every event in the future. So, get on the right track but also enjoy life.

**Radiance** · 08-07-2009, 07:38 AM

I agree with cschin4 100%, babies DO NOT need much.
I am a single mom and have a 17 month old.
Yes, I work so I have to pay for daycare which in my area can go from 100 to 200 a week. Currently at 156.

Other than that, I cook for him and he doesn't eat much, I do buy milky.
I could use cloth diapers, I did for his first 3 months.
While I used to buy toys every month, he never complaint when I suddently stop, I just rotate what I have. Plus any object that is safe enough for him to hold is a wonderful toy!
Health, I only do herbs and homeopathics.
I never did a nursery room, he sleeps with me. Becasue he tosses and turns much I moved him to a crib, which is next to my bed. He actually sleeps better alone in his crib.
I never used the stroller! wasted money baby carriers work like a charm and make for a hands free mommy with a content baby.
I don't own a diaper pail, I do not own a diaper carrier thingy.
I use a regular back pack I already had to carry his stuff.
I do not own a changer table. The bed works just fine for that.
He eats on the same plateware I eat. No need to buy baby plates.
I bought him spoons only because their gums are sensitive, but I realize little wood spoons work just fine, He uses regular metal spoons and forks since he is 14 months. Sorry, no more elmo silverware for him

. He actually likes to use grown up stuff. Look at any baby supply list and I can help you scratch out 80-90% of it.

What else, oh, lots of love and attention.

It will never be perfect, you can choose to be happy now and not wait to be happy when _______ (fill in the blank.)

If you can afford day care or don't need to work, they don't need much, really.

**Radiance** · 08-07-2009, 07:45 AM

oh! look for "attachment parenting" meetings in your area. Wonderful free meetings and you learn tons about how simple and happy moterhood can be. Same with pregnancy, you learn how pregnancy can be wonderful! I enjoyed it yill the very end!
La leche league meetings are great and free too!

**snafu** · 08-07-2009, 11:06 AM

I think the media is stressing everyone out with the constant barrage of negative news, negative numbers, negative pundits who repeat the same thing endlessly...chicken little scenerio 'the sky is falling.'

Yes, thanks to the previous administration, the economy has tanked but it's all happened before. Yes, people made poor financial decisons, bought a home they couldn't afford, used credit to the extreme but it will straighten itself out.
If you read about the depression in the 1930's this seems like a cake-walk in comparison.

Frankly, people in other countries who do not have social service programs available are suffering far more, getting enough to eat is the focus of their day. Consider these trying times a challenge and see how much you can squeeze each dollar. I wonder if you'll tell your grandchildren the type of stories our grandparents told us when they kept weird things like an ever growing ball of twine...'never know when it might come in handy...' etc.

**Radiance** · 08-07-2009, 11:29 AM

the media is stressing everyone out with the constant barrage of negative news

Exactly!!, and that has always been the case. Remember that watching the news does not tell you what is going on in the world. It tells you what the network wants you hear about what is going on in the world.

For most of what I see in the news (if I ever watch some) I really don't care. Nothing changes in my life by watching the news. If I want information I research the topic, asks expert, read books, etc.

For my friends that do watch the news, only change I see is lots of stress.
Are they doing anything different as a consequence of something they watched in the news? I don't think so.

**DC Metro Crab** · 08-09-2009, 07:56 PM

I'm a worrywart who always tries to plan for every one of life's curveballs. Impossible task and I know it, yet I have a very hard time "ignoring" the news or taking things one step at a time.

It's diffcult, but try focusing on what you can control, which is budget and updating skills and networking to keep yourself employable. My current plan is to TRY not to freak out over everything with the "must buy a home, get married, have a kid by XXX date" and hunker down with my current job until the job market stabilizes. I have very little job security at the moment, it is NOT helping things, but it is doable. We're all doing it, you're not alone! You can do it!

**Radiance** · 08-11-2009, 07:45 AM

The way I see it anybody can get fired, in good economies or in bad economies.
When you lose your job if there ia a lot of other people losing their jobs or if you are the only one in the state, same difference, you need to tap into any emergency funds, switch to emergency budget and look for a job or way of income with all your might.
It can happen to anyone, at any time.

True in this economy it will take more time to bounce back, but torturing myself over every lay off news does not help me. I have compassion for those workers, but refuse to become depressed about it.

I think we should always stride to:

Have an emergency fund (I onky have $50 at the moment, so I'd beter hurry up!!),
Keep our resumes updated (I always update mine every 6 months no matter what, just so I don't forget what I did. At the very least evaluation time yearly is a great moment to update it since your accomplishments will be fresh in your mind.)
Have a plan C, D and E. Every one of my coworkers have a secondary way of income, most have an MLM business going on. I need to do something like that, depending
just on one job is too risky, now and always.

Trying to ignore the news it is indeed very hard. Even though I never watch them on purpose, there is always somebody 'sharing' the news with me. I don't ignore them, I acknowledge them and move on. My closest friends know not to come to me with any negative story.

All the best! Don't merge yourselves into the negative, it has ways to rub off on you!!
Melt yourselves in the positives, they too rub off very nicely too.

Dealing with money and emotions....