Neighbor Problems

**boosami** · 07-24-2009, 05:45 AM

Having a difficult neighbor is no reason to sell your home or not move back to it. Move back in and get an alarm system for piece of mind. You say you used to be friends... Try to talk with him in person and work it out, have a third party mediate if necessary. If the neighbor does anything illegal or threatens you, call the police. Your neighbor may be unstable and in need of psychological help. A byproduct of trying to work it out with him might get him the help he needs.

I had a similar situation occur where I live. The neighbor across the street was a little off, he did handyman things to make some cash while living in his mom's house although he was 40+ years old. He definitely had some mental issues and needed to seek help (war veteran), but he was never violent or threatening with me (he liked me). I could definitely see, though, how he could be very intimidating to other people especially those he didn't like. He felt like he had to "police" the neighborhood and was always getting involved in things he should leave alone. Long story short, someone called the police on him after he got into a fight at 4 am. Eventually, I heard he was involutarily committed to a psychiatric hospital. I hope he got the help he needs!

**PetMom** · 07-24-2009, 06:58 AM

You (and probably for privacy) are not giving enough details of what is actually going on.

I do know some neighbors resent in some neighborhoods when houses are rented out (one guy on our street almost felt betrayed by the mover outers). This typcially is percieved as bringing down home values.

I do know not to provoke someone who is enraged and remain as calm as you can to evaluate the situation.

Is there someway you can fix this tenant problem (a repair?).

Anyone doing creepy calls regarding your relationship - he has a lot of revenge anger it sounds like.

You don't want to live in fear but you do have cause to be concerned.
The alarm system sounds good (but what about when you are in your backyard), get a dog, the list goes on and then you really do start imagining a Lake View Terrace situation.

If he intimidates you out of moving into your property then is that what he wants.

You might want to start recording/taping/ taking a picture of caller id on your phone in case you need evidence. He sounds like he might be getting into a possible criminal charge - but there you have the restraining idea - and you are right that could just set him off especially if he is in this anger mode.

Pm me if you feel comfortable doing so with more details (if not I certainly understand) - I don't know if what he said was a threat without knowing the actual words, what is his exact complaint about the tenant/property situation (it could be a legitimate complaint). What is his background, does he get into confrontations a lot with other neighbors.

You need to assess the situation at all angles.

**snafu** · 07-24-2009, 05:37 PM

Having problems with neighbors acting irrationally needs to be treated without being emotional. Please don't let movie make believe influence your thinking or your behavior. It can more reasonably be seen as an opportunity to practice your negotiating skills. People who have thrown temper tantrums as children and gotten the reaction/reward they wanted have continued this outrageous behavior as an adult. I will presume they continue to be successful with this behavior as even you have been frightened into thinking about moving elsewhere.

Can you check with other neighbors to see if they have had 'words' with this jerk? It will be necessary to keep a journal in your computer on any incidents with date, approximate time, length of time, and anyone else who witnesses or is involved. Just write your who, what, where, when and why...recollection of the initial thing in the past that you think he is upset about. Add what you think happened that involved your tennant. Add the details of the recent scream fest. If he actually did damage to your property, call police.

Move in and act as a pleasant neighbor, nodding hi or whatever is appropriate. If he responds ok, great! If he does another tantrum there is a well documented method of dealing with his behavior called "Coping Effectively With Difficult People." [Branson] Just let him scream and threaten...it's merely words, hot air. When he finally runs out of steam or has been repeating hinself...that is your cue to say you value him as a neighbor and would like to resolve the problem. Don't let him in your house or go to his house. You might be able to discuss the issue at a Starbucks type place...where there are lots of people. Ask if he could tell you about it without yelling because you'd really like to understand his issue. Kind of facts sir...nothin' but the facts sir!

I hope this outline helps, it's time bullies got caught out

**cschin4** · 07-25-2009, 01:50 AM

More details would help us to give you advice. But, I will try to give you my perspective. First, I AVOID hiring people that I know as neighbors or friends to do ANY work for me. If for someone reason you don't like the work or things don't work out, etc. hard feelings can occur. So, I only hire people in a professional capacity. Perhaps he offered to do some work and you just nodded but he took that to mean you would hire him, etc.
Anyway, at this point, you need not explain anything to him but if he ever calls you again, you need to be very cool and basically give him the cold shoulder and indicate to him that this residence is none of his business and you do not need any services from him. Period. Do not bother to explain or try to reason as that is always a waste of breath anyway. He overstepped his bounds by calling you and butting in.

started telling things to me and my husband to ruin our marriage.

I do not know what he said, but this comment leads me to believe that you may be overblowing the whole situation. I don't see how a neighbor calling and making comments could possibly do anything to "ruin your marriage". I think you are taking things too much to heart that are not that important. And, I would say getting a restraining order seems a bit over the top unless he somehow threatened you with physical violence. So, you need to really take a deep breath, step back and look at the situation.

As for moving back in, there is no reason you shouldn't feel safe or not move in because of a neighbor. If you do move back in, establish a very cool and distant relationship. That is all you need to do. Don't try to befriend the neighbor if you don't like him. And, put up a privacy fence, etc if makes you more comfortable. But, in reality, we are all going to be around people we don't like. You can decide not to let him bother you or you can allow this to bother you a great deal. I am sure everyone has had neighbor problems along the way. Just because you have some conflict with someone doesn't mean that they are going to pull out a gun and shoot you. So, don't over blow what is happening.

Something that has to to with our tenant arised today and he got involved. He (our neighbor) was upset and wanted to get back to us especially considering he did not think we would ever return.
And, you really don't know WHY the neighbor called you or what he was thinking. You dont' know that he was "trying to get back at you". Maybe the tenant complained to him and he just decided to take the tenants side, etc.

,

**PetMom** · 07-26-2009, 01:44 PM

Good point - I should clarify the 'recording'.

I had thought he was leaving these messages on a machine to you and your husband - I mean't to keep those machine recordings and don't erase them and any caller id photos of his phone calls (a tally of how many times he is calling).

I don't know if I would be having actual conversations with this guy at this point until he cools down - let him leave messages as you assess the situation - then take the go forward tips you have received from the other posters.

From what I can pick up he seems like he feels he was left out of some work? He may be mad he lost some money he thought he would earn - I don't know.

**wnlbutterfly** · 07-26-2009, 05:02 PM

Well, the other night our neighbors had a fight with "friends" from which I heard "are you gonna shoot me, go ahead...I ain't scared". The cops were called and the neighbor was arrested for aggravated assault and battery. Friends had left before cops got here.

It was scary to say the least and to think he had 4 children running around the house while this was going on. I don't know what some people are thinking.

Of course we don't have a lot of details with your situation, but just pointing out there is a difference between real danger, and just being uncomfortable around the neighbors due to miscommunication.

**Exile** · 07-26-2009, 08:13 PM

DW and I also had problems with psycho next door neighbors (a succession of them). We also didn't know what to do but hang tough until they left (via foreclosre) because it was also a bad real estate market at the time and we had some miserable, tense years as a result.

Don't hesitate to call the police if your neighbor threatens you. Get a restraining order if necessary, proximity be damned. As PetMom suggested, record any phone conversations. Install a closed circuit camera by your front door if he becomes really menacing.

**Exile** · 07-30-2009, 06:24 AM

Originally posted by RedThunderBird

I am not happy that some thing bad happens to any body , but in this case it was heading in two directions ==== I am glad that it was not you in trouble , but that the real troublemaker is leaving you neighborhood

Thanks, RTB. But the hell that we won't through in those years was almost too much to bear.

Neighbor Problems