i don't know where to put this....

[DebbieL]

Rennigade,

A 14 year old with a cell phone is very common and is not an indication of a problem. Why don't you skip a thread if all you can do is post something nasty to kick someone when they're down. Yes, lets blame it all on the person who came here for help.

[jIM_Ohio]

first, take a hammer to the cell phone
second, start a rumor that girl has herpes
third, alaskan military school in winter

[PrincessPerky]

counseling- it's like advice -if you find a good fit it really can help, but just as you might want to skip a few comments here, you might have to search to find a helpful counselor.

My mother at one time tried to hide and lock food away from me, it created a very bad feelings in me. Like I wasn't good enough for her food, or wasn't worth the cost (we could afford food) So I highly recommend NOT curtailing a child's access to food, if you don't want him to eat junk, don't bring it home.

If you are not keeping him from food and he is still hoarding you might have a bigger issue than a teen thief.

Ditto the not comparing him to sisters, though it sure is tempting it wont help him at all.

Honestly I like the idea of taking ALL his stuff and of course I like homeschooling . partly because in school he will be right back to hanging with folk who think stealing is ok and have the majority of his day to vent and get worked up about how 'unfair' his life is. Homeschooling would cut him off from those cranky teen peers. (while I do not homeschool cut off it is possible and in certain situations recommended -though aim to rejoin after a detox)

[PrincessPerky]

first, take a hammer to the cell phone
second, start a rumor that girl has herpes
third, alaskan military school in winter

as much as we joke about this one should NEVER start rumors.. that girl has feelings too.

[wnlbutterfly]

Working in the school system I see a LOT of kids with cell phones even at grade school level. For most, it is more about being able to keep in contact with the child. I know that sounds odd, but you would be surprised, even if they go to a friends or walking home or goofing around on the walk home, it can be a comfort to the parent to be able to call and say "where the heck are you at?".

My 12 yr old doesn't have one (mainly because he wouldn't be able to keep up with it anyway), but my DD who is 20 does. It was more important to me when she started driving on her own for her to be able to call for help.

I taught 3rd grade today and several of them had cells.

[DebbieL]

I got my daughter a cell when she was about 14 for the same reason. Peace of mind. It is a relief when you aren't sure where they are, or they need to call for a ride home or something. I think with teens it is a great thing. My mom would have loved it if they had them when I was a teen.

PS - She doesn't use it for anything but calls. She is on a prepaid, so I buy her $20 time when she needs it (and she doesn't go through it that quickly - she's not much of a phone yakker).

[irmanator]

ok thanks to the serious answers. All the electronics have been removed from his room. I didn't buy. most he gets hand me downs and tinkers till they work. I didn't buy the cell he bought it and it is prepaid. About busting it -someone was in the paper this week for breaking their kids cell and was arrested and had to pay 250 $ in fines. So not wanting to take that chance.

[swanson719]

That is ridiculous. On that premise, he could have you arrested for theft of personal property for taking it away since he bought it and has it pre-paid. Completely ludicrous.

[PrincessPerky]

I can't see why you would break a perfectly useful item anyway, take sure, but break? Give it to a needy person if you want to get rid of it but don't break it, what a waste....

[Seeker]

Stealing is a rather normal phase children go through... but ultimately, the most common cure to that phase is to make sure that the child goes to the person from whom the stuff was taken, and returns it and apologizes for taking it in the first place.

If it's spent cash, the child needs to earn that cash back separately from any other cash given to him for any reason... in other words he works more (does extra chores) for that cash to make restitution.

If the problem persists after this, seek counseling. Most people (including children) do not wish to admit they were wrong. Stealing is wrong. And apologizing and returning that money face-to-face is the only form of punishment that means anything.

There a reason for everything. You need to find out what is bothering your son.

I also agree that hoarding food is rather unusual, unless food has been taken away from him previously. If he's in competition for certain foods with his sisters, that could be a problem as well. He should not be treated any differently with food than his sisters, in fact, he may require more food than his sisters, depending on all their physical activities.

[JanH]

I wonder if he is being bullied or something is going on at school. If he won't go to counseling or won't participate, it wouldn't hurt for you to go and get some help with dealing with his issues. I, too, am confused as to the hoarding of food. But, I never dreamed my easy going daughter would be the one to go through so many things either that age and a little older. My daughter needed help but refused to participate in it. Fortunately, she's matured and sought that help herself. Talk to your doctor. They may have some advice on where to look in your area for help for kids that age. Some kids fall in between. They are too young for some counselors and too old for others. Some kids will even quit taking their meds without their parents knowing until something happens. I know of one that had to be hospitalized by his parents, he needed it because he refused to take his meds and got worse and he needed a wake up call. Good luck! Our thoughts are with you.

[m3racer]

LOL. Some of these "counseling" responses are too funny. Do you really think a 14 yr old is going to be rational? The simple answer is whip his ass! Growing up my father had one simple solution... your ass is going to get beat if you misbehaved. All this sensitive pc krap is why many kids are out of control.

[Seeker]

LOL. Some of these "counseling" responses are too funny. Do you really think a 14 yr old is going to be rational? The simple answer is whip his ass! Growing up my father had one simple solution... your ass is going to get beat if you misbehaved. All this sensitive pc krap is why many kids are out of control.

Sometimes "counselors" are the only people whom can help to isolate why someone is not behaving normally. Kids do not always want to talk to their folks. Agressive parenting can also backfire with other parties (teachers, neighbors, etc) involving the law.

Taking something that has been purchased by the child with money that the child earned, can also be considered "stealing." Be careful. There's a whole bunch of ramifications to be considered.... children are people too. Underage children too.

He (the son) needs to learn that his actions has the ramifications of embarassment (via his returning the things wrongly taken) and apology.

What does "whipping" him, teach? That it's okay to hurt him physically, for something that he caused no physical harm? It's okay to be overly aggressive when all he did was help himself to something that was there for him to take? Yes, stealing is wrong. But so is a physical reaction to this action.

[cptacek]

You are the mom, correct? What does dad say?

[irmanator]

dad ran off to another state when he was 3 or 4. He seems remorseful, he is doing hard labor to earn restitution. (busting cement with a sledgehammer)