Would you ask for repayment? What would you do?

[inneedofhelp]

I helped my bf out a while ago (about 4-5 months) when he was unemployed. The total amount of money lent was around $750+. He is now employed, but low-income and looking for a 2nd job.

We are still together and I offered him the option of starting to repay the loan once he was more stable. Both of his parents are ill, and he is trying the best he can to pay for both of their medical expenses as well as regular expenses as they cannot work. Both of their illnesses are quite severe, with one having cancer.

He is a good man and offers to help me when he can. I usually turn it down cause I know he is going through a lot, and even giving me $20 for gas could negatively affect his budget.

Now that I have to repay taxes for underpayment due to having a full-time and a part time job last year and not having enough ca tax withheld, I am wondering if I should start asking for some of the loan money repaid per month? I worked the 2nd job and was able to lend him the money from my 2nd job.

I could pay it on my own, I think, but would have no money from my check to pay for anything extra...that means no occasional coffee, medicines, etc.

Not sure what to do.

[creditcardfree]

I think you need to talk to him about it. See what kind of stress it puts on his finances, since you said $20 can negatively affect his budget.

However, you may need to let this one go for the time being and look to find some extra income on your own, such as selling something.

[segmond]

wow, i can't even believe you would even ask this question or consider the thought. what kind of woman are you? wow! the guy is helping himself, and his sick parents. put yourself in his shoes. you would dump a guy if he asked you for his money back.

[DebbieL]

Get a life Segmond. This person has a legitimate question and doesn't need any crap from you.

[inneedofhelp]

segmond,

I think perhaps that I didn't explain myself fully, or you did not fully read the post, or you are reading something more than there is, and thus the whole "what kind of a woman are you" and multiple "wows".

I have been super helpfull to my bf and supported him while he was out of a job for multiple months. During this time, in addition to the regular support I provided, I also lent him a minimum of $750. My original post is that I am having some difficulty myself, and was considering asking for help or repayment of $25-$50 a month. I don't know how much this would affect him, and he is dealing with his own budgeting issues and I am trying to be as understanding as possible but also need help myself.

I also stated that were it not for the sudden money I need to repay taxes, I would not ask him for help. I also previously stated that I know he is going through a lot, and rarely ask him for any type of help. I do think at times, that this bothers him as I am trying to support myself and help him on a super tight budget.

I asked for advice, not condemnation or judgement.

[arthurb999]

I wouldn't.

[GREENBACK]

Would you ask for repayment? What would you do?


This is water under the bridge for you but I never loan money to friends or loved ones with any expectation to get it back. I shouldn't even say the word "loan". I call it a gift with the caveaut that it won't happen again without 100% repayment.

[inneedofhelp]

True, I understand. But I have lent money to friends before and vice versa and we always pay each other back. Me and my bf have discussed repayment and he wants to repay it. I don't want to add extra stress to him.

It is a situation of I was in a better position to help him, and did, and now I feel a bit like I am needing some help. It makes things more complicated because I earn more than he does, and have only myself to take care of, and thus I feel odd asking for money.

I do also think that he wishes I would not turn him down when he offers money. I think it has something to do with being a man and how guys think.

I am able to rectify the situation by using some of my savings (but not the huge bill amount) and a friend will help me out with the rest and then i will repay the friend, thus avoiding the interest fees from the state as well as without depleting my own small amount of savings.

[zetta]

It may be all in the way that you word it. Instead of asking him to repay the loan, explain about owing the IRS and ask if he can help you out. Mentally count any help that he gives as loan repayment.

[GREENBACK]

I would definitely sit down with him and discuss both of your financial situations so you'll know for certain where you both stand. If your situation is such that you need the money he offers then I wouldn't turn it down. He may be getting the message that you really don't need it.

I understand the "man" issue and it may hurt his ego some so accept it after you know the complete situation. I think you can work something out here even if it isn't the monthly amount you want.

[inneedofhelp]

I would definitely sit down with him and discuss both of your financial situations so you'll know for certain where you both stand. If your situation is such that you need the money he offers then I wouldn't turn it down. He may be getting the message that you really don't need it.

I understand the "man" issue and it may hurt his ego some so accept it after you know the complete situation. I think you can work something out here even if it isn't the monthly amount you want.

I think that what I am going to do is not ask him to repay at this time and stick to our original agreement. I am also going to work on accepting his help when he offers it, but avoiding asking for things unless I totally need it.

[swaymonae]

Get a life Segmond. This person has a legitimate question and doesn't need any crap from you.

Seconded.

[segmond]

you have $2000 in savings. if you are terrified of the IRS, pay off the $700, leaves you with $1300 and slowly build back up. $2000 and $1300 will probably get you the same distance in an emergency.

For the rest of you telling me to get a life, you get a life! money is not everything, having all the money in the world means nothing if you can't help people.

[maat55]

I would get a second job and build up more savings. If you have the 2k, pay the taxes as mentioned above.

[blankcheck]

For once, I'm in favor of the "extreme" answers. Don't worry, it's not as bad as it sounds. What I'm referring to is how to handle personal relationships and loans. This can be family, significant other, close friend, etc.

Either:
-Treat it like a gift, and let it go. If the person ever repays it (or parts of it, etc.), it's a bonus and nothing more. Don't ask for it, don't bring it up even as a joke, because you'll likely stir some guilt without trying.

OR:
-Treat it like a true bank loan. Set the interest rate (seriously, if it's zero, write 0.00% specifically), the payment amount, the pay periods, etc, and have it in writing. Copy it, and each have it on file.

The times I've seen others get in trouble is when they become wishy-washy, occasionally bring it up, ask for parts of repayment when they need it, etc. and it will lead to resentment, more guilt, etc.

In all honesty I doubt it would come to that over $750, but you can't predict emotional reactions.