Is My Wife Right or Wrong?

**Angio333** · 03-02-2009, 03:43 AM

In my opinion, once you are married your money becomes her money and vice versa. The 125,000 should be used to keep you afloat until income comes in, then it should be paid back.

**disneysteve** · 03-02-2009, 04:07 AM

I agree with Angio333. There is no such thing as "my" money and "her" money in our marriage. It is all OUR money. The concept of "gifting" money to my wife isn't something I can comprehend.

**EEinNJ** · 03-02-2009, 06:50 AM

Your wife is wrong. What was the question?

Seriously, "Hers, Mine, and Ours" is a valid way of managing finances in a couple, it can minimize arguments over individual and discretionary spending.

It sounds like you have a real problem, and you need her help. It's not a safety net if your spouse is floundering. That is, ultimately if it's bad for you it's bad for her, too.

**GREENBACK** · 03-02-2009, 07:23 AM

When you say you "gifted" her the money I assume you mean it was just that; a gift. Perhaps that word has a different meaning in your culture. In my culture a gift is something you give that you expect nothing back from.

In terms of a marriage it might have a little different meaning if times are tough. If that's the case you need to get on the same page. A gift is great but if you can't pay the bills a spouse should be willing to contribute anything(gifts or not)that they can. From your decription I'd say you're wrong expecting a gift to be given back and she's wrong for not doing what's neccesary to make your situation work. Again, you both need to get on the same page.

**scfr** · 03-02-2009, 11:31 AM

Hard to say from hearing only 1 side of the story, but my inclination is to answer "both."

As far as not using the funds to cover your family's basic living expenses, I'd say she's wrong.

But as far as not giving you carte blanche access to the funds, sorry to say it but it sounds like she probably has her reasons and she may be right. Perhaps your wife is not as convinced as you are that the value of the development site will really be "about a million"? Perhaps she is concerned that it is yet another bad investment?

Be grateful that she held on to the 125K, and that it's not gone like the remainder of the funds.

I understand all about the need to take risk to succeed in business, but I also firmly believe that both partners in a marriage need to agree on the limits of the risk-taking.

**onlinev** · 03-06-2009, 09:45 PM

Hi friends

I am Joseph from London. I think you are absolutely right.

Joseph

**pathtowealth** · 03-25-2009, 07:58 AM

Thanks

Many thanks for your valuable replies. The reason she wants to hold onto the money is because I invested the other funds (from sale of my Mum's house)which involving her in the decisions. I do not want the �125k back but just to borrow enough to keep us out of court until the development planning comes through. My agent believed it will be worth between �1 to �1.4 million.
Right now I'm nearly suicidal.

**noppenbd** · 03-25-2009, 08:16 AM

Since she was not involved in the decision to buy the land, I think at this point she has the right to refuse to put any money towards keeping this investment afloat. I think you should take the other investor's offer, even though you will lose half your profit. Consider it a small price to pay to save your marriage. You need to continue to meet your family obligations (mortgage, car paymt, insurance) regardless of what is done with the investment property. I would consider this a win if you can get out breaking even. In the future all financial decisions should be a family decision, since you are using family funds.

**pathtowealth** · 03-25-2009, 08:52 AM

Thanks noppenbd
The land was actually transferred to me from my Dad so wasn't bought. All the funds & land came from my parents.

**mdcrim** · 03-25-2009, 11:32 AM

Can you sell the site outright and take the money and run? I think your wife is being completely unreasonable. You should sell the site, cut your losses and divorce your wife. Go find someone to be with that can be a partner to you. Sorry for your problems.

**DebbieL** · 03-25-2009, 12:00 PM

Originally posted by mdcrim View Post

Can you sell the site outright and take the money and run? I think your wife is being completely unreasonable. You should sell the site, cut your losses and divorce your wife. Go find someone to be with that can be a partner to you. Sorry for your problems.

Great advice after hearing only a part of the story. I'm willing to bet that she has a far different version (or at least a far different perspective).

**fruitbowlk** · 03-25-2009, 12:13 PM

This board don't agree on seperate monies but depending on your spouse and their money habits it has to be that way sometime things has changed so much from the 20 and 30 years ago and I think everyone should have their very own safey net. We can only read what you wrote but we don't know your spending habit or any situations you might have gotten yourself or your family into in the past for the reason your wife has to feel the way she does.

**pathtowealth** · 03-25-2009, 12:15 PM

I love her too much to divorce and run. I could sell now or if I can hold on another 6 months the value will at least quadruple. If I could just find an investor it would solve everything.

**DebbieL** · 03-25-2009, 12:38 PM

I get worried that you expect the value to quadruple in the next six months. I really think that sounds unlikely. There is a reason you are not able to find an outside investor. I would seriously examine that if I were you. I think your wife is afraid of losing everything.

Is My Wife Right or Wrong?