Christmas gift equality

[gamecock43]

I am wondering about Christmas presents. My friend makes about 3x the amount of money I make- and she just got me a wonderful Christmas gift that cost between $60-$70.00. I have actually not even started Christmas shopping yet...I was planning to get her something about $25.00 because honestly, I just don't have money for Christmas this year. (Last year I spent $50 on her gift- but she had recently helped me A LOT with some free services she was able to provide me.)

My guilt comes from not matching her gift dollar for dollar because 1) I just got married last month. And 2) we are buying a house. Today. We are in negotiations.

So I feel like I SHOULD get her a more generous gift than $25 because- those two events, while very expensive- are kind of...luxury items. So I feel like my friends thought process comes down to: "She has the money for this big lavish wedding, and now they are buying a house...but she doesn't have the money to get me a gift that matches my gift to her?"

Am I being ridiculous? She already owns a house, though no marriage yet. And she makes very good money- but she has an expensive lifestyle too- so I know she is feeling as financially tight as I am right now.

Honestly...now that I think of it- I'm not sure why she bought me such an expensive gift knowing I cannot match it. Or maybe $65 is not a big deal to her...my equivalent of $25...

[jIM_Ohio]

The year we moved into our house we bought no one any gifts-and let everyone know this.

We still received gifts of value from others that year.
Do not obligate yourself to match dollar for dollar- if someone gets pi$$ed about it, I would not want that person as a friend to begin with.

[Gjowers]

That's the trouble with this holiday gift giving ritual - the stress and anxiety over whether your gift will be enough. That makes me like Thanksgiving even more.

My advice is to spend what you can afford and no more. If she is your friend, she would never want to put you in a bind for a gift. You might consider baking something for her if you have that talent. Or, this is a good one I have used, go to a place like "let's dish" and put together a nice meal. Food is always a welcome gift.

[kork13]

I agree with the others... There's no reason for gift guilt. I've never liked the idea that the giving of numerous, or expensive gifts is requisite at Christmas-time.... It's never expected, although appreciated if/when something is given.

This Christmas, I came up with a great idea (IMO) for gifts to give to my family... I do photography as a hobby, so I'm framing one of my photos with an accompanying quote/saying for each of them. However, due to the season (winter... everything is dead, so I can't go out and get the photos I'm after) and timeline (thought of this only 3 weeks ago), I can't get them made for everyone by Christmas. In fact, it may not be until sometime in March that they receive their 'Christmas' gifts from me... So they're not even going to get anything from me at Christmas. Yea, I wish it were otherwise, but I've already told my family they won't be seeing anything from me. They understand that, and it's not an issue. No judgement, no hurt feelings. I'm sure that whatever you choose to give your friend will be appreciated.

Gjowers also brought up a really good point... giving sweets, or some little homemade thing is always a nice touch. my mom does alot of crafts, whether with wood, ceramics, sewing, or whatever.... she'll often make stuff like that and give it away as gifts. The originality/creativity (and the 'personal touch') of that sort of thing makes it far more valuable to the recipient than the same sort of thing, but store-bought, might be.

[gamecock43]

Those are great ideas! Cookies...I could do that! And I love the photography idea...I love pictures. I am just a picture hog.

[Goldy1]

Get something with a decent value on sale and she won't know what you paid for it. It's the little personalized things ie. a mug with a picture of something SHE likes on it, not the cash value. I stock up at kohls and stuff throughout the year for future gifts.

[gamecock43]

They accepted our offer on the house! Now I'm really broke. Well, I guess I'm in debt now!! Damn...I was doing so well!

[kork13]

They accepted our offer on the house! Now I'm really broke. Well, I guess I'm in debt now!! Damn...I was doing so well!

ROFL... hahahahaha

congratulations on the house! (...I think? )

[SnoopyCool]

Congratulations on the house from me, too!

I'd make something. Those types of gifts give so much more, IMO.

[Caoineag]

Tailored gifts matter way more than price tag. In fact, normally in my circle everyone doesn't buy every year so sometimes I get things, sometimes someone else get things. There is nothing ever equal about gift giving.

Congrats on the house! You have my sympathies on your upcoming expenses!

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

Meanwhile, your friend is at home analyzing herself to insanity over the same issue. "Gamecock43 only makes 1/3 what I do. Should I give a an expensive gift so that she won't think I'm being cheap and thus devaluing our friendship? Should I give her a less expensive gift so as not to put pressure on her to give tit for tat when she really can't afford it? Gosh, she's just bought a house. Should I return this gift and get her something she really needs for the house? Should I not give a gift at all because I know she can't reciprocate right now without a little struggle at this time, what with the house and all? Should I tell her my gift to her is to wait all day at the house the days that she needs to let in the gas company the electric company, the painters, and the guy who is going to re-wire the bathroom?"

I think it is best to try not to think too much about it!

[kork13]

Meanwhile, your friend is at home analyzing herself to insanity over the same issue. "Gamecock43 only makes 1/3 what I do. Should I give a an expensive gift so that she won't think I'm being cheap and thus devaluing our friendship? Should I give her a less expensive gift so as not to put pressure on her to give tit for tat when she really can't afford it? Gosh, she's just bought a house. Should I return this gift and get her something she really needs for the house? Should I not give a gift at all because I know she can't reciprocate right now without a little struggle at this time, what with the house and all? Should I tell her my gift to her is to wait all day at the house the days that she needs to let in the gas company the electric company, the painters, and the guy who is going to re-wire the bathroom?"

I think it is best to try not to think too much about it!

LOL that's great... hahaha

I said it before, but Joan's example here really highlights it well... the idea of gift reciprocation is a crock. Totally pointless, and the guilt really can go both ways. I'm staying with some close friends for Christmas, and am bringing a gift for their family to express my appreciation. I would feel really bad if they were to somehow think they have a 'duty' to give me some kind of gift as well.

[cschin4]

Unless you really enjoy gift giving, then why not just nip this in the bud now? Why not just discuss NOT sending each other gifts, etc? And, then if you decide not too, then don't. But, she still may decide to send you a gift year after year anyway because some people really like and enjoy doing it. In that case, you thank her for her gift and enjoy it. But, do not feel guilty for not reciprocating.
If you don't want to take that route, then just buy her whatever you like and is a reasonable expenditure in your opinion and don't worry about it. And, there are many ways you can show her that you value your friendship besides the Christmas gift.

[mom-from-missouri]

Don't worry about it. How do you know she didn't get yours on sale for half that price???
You said she makes 3 times as much, but also feeling the crunch?? Could be because she spends so much on gifts.
You spend what you can spend and be comfortable with and don't worry.