I Need to Vent!!!!

[marvholly]

My DB & SIL are SOOO much like this. Invites go out. No response. Call and get the I have to check w/ other spouse. STILL no call back. I have not invited them to anything since youngest DD got married 3 years ago. I will NOT deal with JERKS!!!

[mom-from-missouri]

Aren't ALL wedding receptions by invitation only?

It was a reception one that you had to show at the door! (like on the James Bond movies)

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

Rather than pervasive informality, I attribute this kind of rudeness to pervase narcissism. I don't understand how people can be so thoughtless. Surely at one time or another in their lives they must have planned an event that called for an RSVP. How did they feel when they were stood up? .

I can agree that that could be part of the cause, too. Another thing is that busy people just set aside the invitations intending to take care of it later, then they forget about it. Disorganization? Laziness? Dread?

[rob62521]

It's bad enought that we have to follow up those who don't respond to an invitation but in doing so, if invitees gives an indecisive reply, I would just express regrets that they won't be able to attend and go on to the next person on the "no response list" .

That's a great plan except DH is so easy going...until we sat down with the owner of the restaurant and explained we don't have an exact number. DH finally realized that for seating and cost we have to have an exact number. I, on the other hand, emailed a couple and just said, "Since we have not heard from you, I am assuming you are not coming to the retirement party." They have a history of being late and/or forgetful. It certainly takes the joy of throwing any kind of festive event.

[Cassandra]

So you send out invitations to a wedding and don't bother to contact the people who don't RSVP? Then you get upset when people show up who you weren't expecting?

How could you plan your seating arrangements if you weren't sure who was coming? How could you tell the caterer how many people to cook for if you weren't sure who was coming? How could you know how many favors you needed if you weren't sure who was coming?

Our RSVP date for our upcoming affair is 9/8. Next weekend, we will be calling anyone who hasn't sent their response. We will absolutely contact anyone we haven't heard from.

I think also part of it is that the bride wanted 100+ people to be there, but couldn't afford it, so she told us a lower number that she could afford and still invited 100+ people.

Then there are the people who originally say they can't attend, but change their mind, and show up without telling the bride/host that they are coming.

[disneysteve]

I think also part of it is that the bride wanted 100+ people to be there, but couldn't afford it, so she told us a lower number that she could afford and still invited 100+ people.

But she'd still have to pay for the actual number in attendance, wouldn't she? I can't tell the caterer 100 and have 125 show up and expect nobody to notice. Especially if tables and chairs have only been set for 100. Those other 25 people would need to sit somewhere.

Then there are the people who originally say they can't attend, but change their mind, and show up without telling the bride/host that they are coming.

That is inexcusable. They should be turned away at the door.

[QueenOphelia]

How could you plan your seating arrangements if you weren't sure who was coming? How could you tell the caterer how many people to cook for if you weren't sure who was coming? How could you know how many favors you needed if you weren't sure who was coming?

Our RSVP date for our upcoming affair is 9/8. Next weekend, we will be calling anyone who hasn't sent their response. We will absolutely contact anyone we haven't heard from.

NY/NJ is a whole different animal when it comes to parties. When you are paying $200 a head for wedding/Bar(t) Mitzvah we have to be anal and know exactly who is coming.

I always get a chuckle going to affairs around the country. I still can't get used to cash bars...talk about tacky!!

Mazel Tov to your daughter and best of luck on her Haftorah

-Karyn

[Cassandra]

But she'd still have to pay for the actual number in attendance, wouldn't she? I can't tell the caterer 100 and have 125 show up and expect nobody to notice. Especially if tables and chairs have only been set for 100. Those other 25 people would need to sit somewhere.


That is inexcusable. They should be turned away at the door.

Definitely. Whenever they are more people than expected, the boss tells the bride that we have food for the amount we were told and no more. They can add more food if they pay us, but we don't put out more food (and seating) until we are paid the extra amount. If she doesn't agree to pay more, we don't put out anything extra and some people go unfed and without seats. An overall bad situation.

I totally agree with you about turning away the people who originally said no at the door. But unless the bride/groom requests we do so (and gave us some means of knowing who said yes and who said no, like a special invitation) we can't do anything.

[kimiko]

Ummm....part of the new generation here and I've never RSVP either. Here's how I think of it. If you invite me, then it's expected that I will go and you should have been prepared for my presence. That's all. I may or may not show up, depending on whether I'm available or not. The only time you will get a response is if I'm not in good standing with you, hate you or have some other negative emotions that would require me to reject the invitation out right. I see it as the responsibility of the person who sent out the invitation to be ready for everyone they invited and a bit extra just in case. At least I have the courtesy of not bringing someone else with me .

If you plan on throwing a party, any type of parties, I suggest you rent a room or use your home and get catering.

When my cousins got married, a whole lot more people show up than expected and we just ask the restaurants to bring in some more seats as well as cook more portions and send us the bill afterward. If they don't have the extra ingredients, we just order the regulars dishes they have everyday.

[Exile]

Ummm....part of the new generation here and I've never RSVP either. Here's how I think of it. If you invite me, then it's expected that I will go and you should have been prepared for my presence. That's all. I may or may not show up, depending on whether I'm available or not. The only time you will get a response is if I'm not in good standing with you, hate you or have some other negative emotions that would require me to reject the invitation out right. I see it as the responsibility of the person who sent out the invitation to be ready for everyone they invited and a bit extra just in case. At least I have the courtesy of not bringing someone else with me .

If you plan on throwing a party, any type of parties, I suggest you rent a room or use your home and get catering.

When my cousins got married, a whole lot more people show up than expected and we just ask the restaurants to bring in some more seats as well as cook more portions and send us the bill afterward. If they don't have the extra ingredients, we just order the regulars dishes they have everyday.

As I began reading this post, I felt outaged, but then I realized it was a put-on. Great satire, kimiko.

Um, it was a put-on, wasn't it?

[kimiko]

I may have exaggerated a little bit

But seriously, that's the general gist of it. Pretty much everyone I know act like that. They don't respond to RSVP and it's usually better to ask them face to face with out all that invitation formality. One person I know who used to send out invitations with RSVP, then had to corner everyone to ask for confirmation, now just send out invitations without RSVP as a sort of notification. Plus since everyone has cell phones now, there really isn't any need for reply by mail and it feel more personal if you contact people directly.

[disneysteve]

Pretty much everyone I know act like that. They don't respond to RSVP and it's usually better to ask them face to face with out all that invitation formality. One person I know who used to send out invitations with RSVP, then had to corner everyone to ask for confirmation, now just send out invitations without RSVP as a sort of notification. Plus since everyone has cell phones now, there really isn't any need for reply by mail and it feel more personal if you contact people directly.

I find this very unfortunate. A formal invitation should not involve a cell phone or e-mail. It is one thing if you are having a Labor Day barbecue but a whole different thing if you are having a catered, sit-down wedding or similar affair.