How do you resist keeping up with the Jones's?

**disneysteve** · 08-02-2008, 05:45 AM

Definition of Happiness: Being satisfied with what you have.

Now that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with ambition and wanting to improve your lot in life, but if you go around jealous of what everyone else has, you are never truly happy or content with life. That's not how I choose to live.

Think about the things that really make you happy. I bet a 52-inch TV vs. a 30-inch TV isn't on the list. Get a little notebook and start keeping a daily journal. Each day, write down 3 things that you are thankful for in your life. You need to be in the mindset that right now, today, this moment, you have everything you truly need. Sure, it might be nice to have a larger home or a newer car or a faster computer. But you don't need those things to be happy. As long as you think, "If I only had ....., I'd be happier" you will never really be happy.

**rob62521** · 08-02-2008, 05:51 AM

Well said, Disneysteve! If you are always in competition with your friends, you need to step back and decide if buying that new car, couch, etc. would really make you happy, or does the satisfaction from not being in debt and enjoying the things you have more important. I won't say it isn't hard sometimes...especially if you have a friend like we do who always flaunts this stuff in our faces...but when it is all said and done, we realize that our true happiness doesn't come from things, but from the people we love and the life we lead.

**disneysteve** · 08-02-2008, 06:07 AM

Now that I've given my philosophical answer, here is a more practical answer. I realized long ago that you can't tell much of anything about someone's finances by looking at their stuff or how they live. Some people with nicer things than me earn a lot more money than me. Other folks with nicer things than me have little to nothing in savings and/or a boatload of debt. I can't keep up with the first group and don't want to keep up with the second group. I need to live my life, not anyone else's.

**Joan.of.the.Arch** · 08-02-2008, 06:07 AM

It helps tremendously to be surrounded by friends and family who are also happy --people who have passions other than for obtaining and keeping bigger, better, newer, more stylish things. People who have style, but who do not follow styles. Live with dignity --there is no dignity in giving up your future by spending everything you earn in the present. There is no dignity in allowing yourself to always be manipulated by current fashions, whether it be in houses, cars, clothes, music, jewelry, hobbies, whatever. Develop yourself so that you find your own way.

**PrincessPerky** · 08-02-2008, 06:10 AM

"A thankful heart is a happy heart, be gld for what I have, that's an easy way to start" -Madame Blueberry, Veggietales

I still have troubles, mainly I wish I could leave the kids with family for a beak, or have a way to get to church while my husband and oldest are at camp....but in general I am happy with the choices we make.

Like a game, you play your cards, take your turn, and accept what happens.

**LuxLiving** · 08-02-2008, 06:15 AM

Salivating over a house could be fine...but if you can't afford to be there without working 20 hours a day what good is it going to do you? Somewhere you have to strike that balance you are seeking.

What can we reasonably afford?

How many hours a day will we need to be AWAY from said home to pay for it?

How much time will we actually spend there anyway?

Some folks have very active lifestyles and are out kayaking, mountain-climbing, adventuring and won't actually be home all that often. They'd be silly to pay for some giant empty masoleum wouldn't they?

However, there are those who are design minded homebodies and a nicer home would feed the inner passions. Still it remains a good question to be asking yourself, how much can we REASONABLY afford without it becoming a giant millstone around our necks?

Forget the Joneses - mould your lifestyle to fit YOUR passions and YOUR dreams and YOUR wallet.

**Snave** · 08-02-2008, 08:22 AM

The Joneses are broke. Well, at least a lot of them are. I bet you would be suprised to find the amount of debt that some of your friends have to keep up appearances. One day the tables will be turned and the Joneses will have wished they kept up with you... and your savings accounts/retirement/etc... It's funny that one day they will be playing catch-up.

**MonkeyMama** · 08-02-2008, 09:36 AM

I've known too many broke, stressed, unhappy Joneses and too many "million next door" types to get too worked up about it.

Plus I was raised to not care what everyone else is doing, and with age and maturity I find this is a rather rare mindset. likewise, one that leads to greater happiness. When I pursue what really makes me happy, it doesn't cost near as much, and I am happier with what I have, etc.

I have also always said I was blessed to have enough material possessions to know "things" don't make me any happier. I've gotten enough stuff that I really wanted to know I bored of it quickly. I feel that was a blessing in some sense. (Just as much as the many times my parents never caved to my wants). I have a lot of poor/less well off friends who truly believe more stuff will make their life better. I always found that to be a shame. I know it's not true - but you can't get it across - they have to learn the hard way.

Having enough money to pay your bills makes your life easier and happier, yes. But not owning the latest and greatest car or gadget. The two kind of work against each other.

**MonkeyMama** · 08-02-2008, 09:44 AM

To the OP - when we bought our home we were in a unique situation - as we moved somewhere considerably more affordable we could buy ten times the home and not get in near the financial hot water that a crappy 1-bedroom shack back home would have been.

Thus we had to ask ourselves the same thing. Where do we draw the line? We can afford a mansion for a fraction of our condo back home.

We just drew the line at a house we could afford very comfortably on one income. My spouse and I both made the same amount of money at the time, so it was the logical conclusion (as far as living well within our means).

We ended up drawing the line at $300k, and ended up paying a little less for more home than we ever imagined.

I think back now how we salivated at some of the $400k homes. Which were actually on the cheap end of what we were used to looking at. I think we would have been okay, but I am glad we didn't put that stress on ourselves. (6 years later).

Just another perspective on the home thing. You don't want to be a slave to your house forever, for sure. I'd err on the smaller side. You could always move up later if you change your mind or make more money, etc. But it's harder to go the other way if you bite off more than you can chew.

**cschin4** · 08-02-2008, 09:48 AM

In some way, we are the neighborhood Joneses! We do have one of the nicest homes in town if I do say so. And, that is the reason I bought it. However, I have found that having a great home is really not as fulfilling as I thought it would be. We easily afforded it at the time as it was less than 2x our income. However, I really am a simple kind of person. So, we are now looking at downsizing and moving back to our old neighborhood.
We have the Blue Collar Joneses in our town. Those who have ATV's, campers, camps, and trips to Disneyworld every year. We really don't fit that mold so it isn't that hard not buying that stuff.

**jIM_Ohio** · 08-02-2008, 10:34 AM

deep down I believe everyone wants to be me, so I am the one they are keeping up with. LOL.

reality is I am not a follower, so regardless of the path or decisions others make, it affects me very little.

**Gruntina** · 08-02-2008, 11:06 AM

To be fair, there are Joneses who have nice things because they worked hard and saved for it. (I.e. Ima Saver with her nice house and corvettes. She does not earn big money but is very smart and worked hard with her savings while her husband works 7 days a year building houses). Not everyone is willing to work as hard as them. But instead of feeling envy, I try to look up to her example and see her as a role model.

I believe by just assuming that Joneses are broke can feed the bitterness and give out bitterness aurora.

It is better to look within inside and find what makes you happy. Also keep in mind that finances have cycles where at one time you have less money while other time you have more money. Just make the best of what you have and count your blessing.

I also truly believe if you really want something bad enough, you will find a way to get there but be patience on the timing and not give up.

**cschin4** · 08-02-2008, 11:14 AM

Really, if you look at the history of the world and the sufferings of others through time it isn't too tough to be satisfied and content.

**cschin4** · 08-02-2008, 11:15 AM

I just finished reading a book on the "Donner Party" and my light afflictions pale in comparison. So, gee, if I can't buy the latest gadget it is kind of hard to feel sorry for myself.

How do you resist keeping up with the Jones's?