Child Being Bullied for Lack of $

**Angio333** · 07-07-2008, 04:48 AM

That is a tough one. I was severely bullied in school, so I know what he is going through. Unfortunately, how I finally dealt with it and what I think is the best way to deal with it would probably get him suspended or expelled. IMO, the best way to deal with a school yard bully is to fight back. However, the current brainless school systems would probably charge your nephew with assault if he fought back.

That being said, buying him expensive shoes or clothes will not solve the problem. The bullies would move on to something else. I would try to build his self-confidence so that he can deal with the verbal attacks. If done right, he will be better for it.

Talking to the teachers or the bully's parents could backfire. That may work if they were younger, but it may make things worse since they are 14. However, it maybe a necessary evil depending on how bad it is.

**sweeps** · 07-07-2008, 07:16 AM

Admittedly it's not easy for a 14-year-old to do, but he's gotta let the bullying just roll off his back. Make light of the situation, laugh it off, focus on other things. That stops a bully faster than anything.

Punching the a-h in the face works in the movies, but in real life he'll get suspended and the bully will come back with his friends and knock the crap out of him after school. Not worth it.

**DayByDay** · 07-07-2008, 07:39 AM

The OP just gave one example. If the bullying is bad enough to make the mother consider homeschooling, telling the child to let the bullying roll off his back is not the solution. An adult would not tolerate being bullied in the workplace, and a child should not be expected to live with it either. If the school cannot or will not stop it, homeschooling would be an excellent move for the child's sake.

**sweeps** · 07-07-2008, 07:54 AM

Originally posted by DayByDay View Post

The OP just gave one example. If the bullying is bad enough to make the mother consider homeschooling, telling the child to let the bullying roll off his back is not the solution. An adult would not tolerate being bullied in the workplace, and a child should not be expected to live with it either. If the school cannot or will not stop it, homeschooling would be an excellent move for the child's sake.

Fast forward 10 years. "Ma, my coworker is bullying me. I quit my job and I'm moving back in with you."

**JanH** · 07-07-2008, 07:55 AM

Wow, that's a tough one. Bullying is not only confined to boys. Both DS and DD were bullied in school. And, they use the internet, too. And, it is weird that the ones that have and should be grateful, bash those that don't have. Boys were more physical, girls were just downright mean with words and shunning. And, it crossed all spectrums. At one time, it was the highest level of school, some kids in the top of the classes. I have no advice for you. I think that now I would go to the guidance counselor and ask what their policy is towards bullying and how to handle it without causing more problems with the kids. Of course, it is dependent on one that will be helpful and not say kids will be kids. That's not a solution, but a cop out. I wish I could help with what worked, but with us, it was time. And, they had some friends who stuck by them. But, it can make the kid miserable and depressed. Good luck. If you find a way to help them, pass it on. I think a lot of families are wondering how to deal with it, too. I know someone who moved their kids to a smaller, more rural school with less affluence and their kids loved it. I once considered that myself.

**PrincessPerky** · 07-07-2008, 08:06 AM

First off I see nothing wrong with homeschooling

however....

letting the words roll off the back is almost my advice... I would take it one step further...look at the the comments as inane and stupid...IE "BOGO shoes"....umm yes the are.? not defensive but curious...ask what the deal is.. (try sounding like Data..or that kid with no belly button that was on recently) treat silly social laws as confusing..kids will trip over their tounges trying to explain who cares where shoes were bought.

do it enough...with the occasional 'reversal' (work out the come back at home, so you are ready, practice it on your mom for confidence.)

reversal meaning when a bully says 'lousy brand pants' ask "is that why you wear them around your knees? the name brand doesn't come in your size?" again not mean, not defensive, just curious. act like the social laws are alien to you, and make no sense..don't bother following them unless you agree with the reasoning..never bother defending your decisions..just move on with your life.

I am a girl, so when i did this girls don't punch when mad....not sure if boys do?

Never throw a punch in a school yard..it is always the second (or last) punch that gets in the most trouble..and we would never condone starting a fight right?

both my husband and I have been subject to minor teasing related to being different...reacting with mostly barely interested curiosity worked to quell it before it escalated. My husband was smarted than I and had comebacks faster.. I can't even think of them now with all the time to type....

I wanted to add one friend really makes a difference....if the boy can't find one in the school, get him into something to look forward to after school, and keep trying till he finds one really good friend. (scouts, art class, boxing, whatever)

**sounderella** · 07-07-2008, 08:52 AM

My dad was single with 3 girls and I didn't really have "nice stuff" till I was old enough to work. However I had what I needed. I can remember a time I was made fun of for my shoes back when I was in middle school. It really hurt my feelings even though it was something so silly. You couldn't go to the teacher because that would just increase bullying. I didn't take the violence route....I just discovered the word "and". So in the context of your nephew, if someone came to me and said your shoes are BOGO then I would respond and??. It would totally blow their mind because they hadn't planned on speaking past that point. Once they realize that they can't get to you, they stop. However, I will admit after that, everytime my dad went to Goodwill, I'd ask to go with him so I could find brand name stuff. It's sad how mean kids can be.

As far as homeschooling goes, I'm not against that....but isn't that kind of avoiding the problem?? Don't we need to teach our children how to objectively treat problems?

**jIM_Ohio** · 07-07-2008, 09:21 AM

I see no problem fighting back. The bridges you burn behind you can light the path in front of you.

Fighting back is not the answer (meaning cure all), but it might solve this short term issue.

Most important issue is kid as to stand up for himself:

1) laugh it off
2) let it roll off
3) fight back
4) get even another way (maybe pull a prank or two which embarasses the bully).

I have resorted to all 4 techniques at one time or other. I have learned from each response for sure.

Everyone gets bullied at some time- even the bullies. It's how a person responds and learns from the consequences which define them as a person.

**glock35ipsc** · 07-07-2008, 10:25 AM

"My Mom buys me these inexpensive shoes to save money, that is why we have money. Your parents are going into debt to buy you those ridiculous looking shoes. When your parents are old and broke and need to move in with you, me and my Mom will be comfortably rich because we bought these inexpensive shoes."

OK, so it's telling a little tale, but it sounds good!

He can at least ask the bullies how broke his parents are for buying those stupid looking shoes.

"You a Micheal Jordan wannbe wearing those Nike Air's?"

"You and your parents are a marketers dream family."

"What, you are so sad that you have to buy your way into a friendship? How much does that cost? Oh, sorry, I can't afford to be friends with you!"

**PrincessPerky** · 07-07-2008, 10:33 AM

I had a link to this in my gmail, seemed appropriate, and decent advice even without buying the book.

don't feed the bully

He told students they don’t have to like everybody, “But you do have to tolerate everybody.”

His advice to kids who are bullied is to stay calm and not give the bullies the reaction they are looking for. A strong reaction will only encourage the bullies to continue.

He also encouraged students to have a thick skin and a sense of humor, or to just ignore the bullies and walk away. “Let them know they can’t hurt you,” Tassell said. “You need to be strong enough to say, ‘I don’t like it and I’m not taking it.’”

But no violence can be tolerated, he said. “If you’re being hit or hurt, report it,” he said.

**DayByDay** · 07-07-2008, 12:19 PM

Originally posted by sweeps View Post

Fast forward 10 years. "Ma, my coworker is bullying me. I quit my job and I'm moving back in with you."

An adult has the option of moving on to another job if he doesn't like the work atmosphere. He doesn't have to sit there and take the bullying. Often a child is not given the same option to go somewhere else.

Maybe I assumed too much about the original post. I figured that since the mother had said things are bad enough to consider homeschooling, then the child is already past the stage where he is able to let the bullying roll off his back. Perhaps he is very depressed. It is often the teasing and bullying situations that lead to emotional problems or suicide. I wonder how much of a factor it is in mass school killings also. Maybe he enjoys school and just wants advice on the best way to handle the bullies. I don't know.

Child Being Bullied for Lack of $