Marriage Age?

[LivingAlmostLarge]

How old were you when you got married? Do you think age plays a role in getting married?

I had a discussion who said they didn't think people should get married before 25, and while I got married at 26 and DH 28, I said that's a stupid rule.

Plus I was living with DH 5 years already so it didn't really seem a very wise thing to say. But what does it matter with age?

Aren't some people ready at 18 and others not ready at 40?

I say this because my roomie is 31, but soo not ready for marriage. I highly doubt with his attitudes he'll be ready anytime soon. So even though he's "age appropriate" he's very immature and unready.

[Scanner]

A lot of this discussion will center around your faith and beleif systems so I'll just jump in here.

I mean. . .who is ever really ready for marriage? I lived with my DW too before marriage but "playing house" and being married are entirely 2 different matza balls and "playing house" is by no means really a "test run" to marriage. . . I will agree with the priests, ministers and rabbi's on that one.

Sometimes I think it would be better to be married at age 18 and that "primitive" cultures know what they are doing and it is perhaps we who are fools.

I mean, we ask teenagers to delay getting married, wait for sex until they are late 20's ( a mere theorectical request for many, I realize) . . .how biologically compatible is this request that American and Western society makes of young people?

Is it any wonder that we have rampant teenage pregnancies and STD's?

And let's face it. . .once there is a out of wedlock pregnancy and/or STD. . .finding a partner and securing the father to the child is monumental.

We just had our 3rd child at age 39 and we feel old. We were married at age 25 and had our first child at age 28. If I had to do it over again, I would have had all of our children by age 32.

When my newborn graduates college, we'll be old as dirt.

[cooliemae]

My fiance (34) and I (28) will be getting married this year and we've been living with together for 3 years now.

I think age has little to do with marriageablity and more to do with maturity. I work with 16-25 year olds at my work and I can vouch that I've seen 18 years with more maturity than the 25 year olds.

And Scanner, my fiance is in agreement with you, she is rather worried about how old she'll be as we begin to have children.

Ahhh if I'd only met her sooner.

[maat55]

I was 20 and DW 19. Our youngest is 21. Except for the waves we create ourselves, it's smooth sailin.

[momof1in150]

I was 27 and DH was 29. We had a long distance relationship for 1.5 years (he was stationed in Guam and I lived in NH). I was happy that I waited until I was in my late 20s because I did a lot in my single days that I wouldn't do when I was married.

[MonkeyMama]

I agree much with Scanner. It seems biologically kids are able to bear children younger and younger, but as a society we are waiting longer and longer for marriage. I mean most of my peers in this region are waiting to their 30s to marry. That makes little sense biologically.

My spouse and I married at age 23/24. My spouse's only request was we graduated college first, or we would have married much sooner. I didn't really see the point (Because my parents had married in college). But we met at 18/19 and we were practically married from that age anyway. We were both very mature and committed to our relationship. So I really don't think things would be any different if we married very young.

20 or 24 made little difference to us. We were both quite financially independent as well, from a young age.

We had our kids by 30. I think it was ideal to establish our careers and save some money before kids, but I wouldn't have wanted to have them any older either. I've concluded lately we really found that sweet middle ground. We still have a measure of youth, but we had some time to build up some financial security first. win-win.

I personally wouldn't have wanted kids any younger. I would say dating/marriage affected our lifestyle little (as grounded, mature young people) so that we were both able to have a decent amount of carefree youth. We never had a suffocating relationship and did a lot of "single" things while young (just no dating others). Kids is what changed all that. So I am glad we had some years to be young, before kids. Likewise, if we had a very suffocating relationship from age 18/19, I can't say I'd be happy today. But I agree with the above - depends on the maturity level.

ETA:I am pretty confident that being married at 18 would make little, if any, difference in my life today. My spouse and I did not live together until after college, but we had similar goals, were on a similar college path, and spent most every spare moment together (outside work and school and other friends and acitvities). Plus, we were already financially independent. Financially, not much would change. For many people, settling down with someone so young will hold them back. For others, it doesn't really change anything. (As far as on-campus housing? We didn't even live on campus so it wouldn't have mattered. We went to the same college and enjoyed taking classes together. We met in college. Meeting prior is a whole other bag of worms. But we met on the same path so it's not like we had to to face separation or hard choices like people who meet in high school or have to go away to grad school, etc.).

[FrugalFish]

I was 19, DH was 21. We've been married 16 years and have a 2 y.o.

It may have been better to wait a little longer, but that was not an option given the circumstances (military).

There was a study recently in which they found people who married earlier were no more likely to get divorced. That surprised me.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Nah, living together for DH and I feel the same married or unmarried. When asked by people we say it feels the same.

But I just don't get people who say they will not pay for a child's wedding before 25, or make a financial bet with their child that if they are not married before 25 they will pay them $1000.

It just seems strange to place a financial value on what age to get married.

[disneysteve]

I was just shy of 28. My wife was 28 already.

I wasn't ready before that. I was still in school and totally focused on getting through that and getting a career started. It wasn't the time to also be trying to focus on all that marriage entails and certainly not the time to be having children with all the added demands that brings.

I don't think marrying young is necessarily good or bad but it definitely isn't right for everyone. Had I married at 18, I can't even imagine how differently my life would have turned out. I couldn't have gone off to college and lived in a dorm since I would have had a wife to provide for. I'd be in a totally different place now had I married that young and I don't think it would be a better place.

[fruitbowlk]

I think if me and my dh gotten married early it would have been better. We started dating at 21/23. we got married at 28/30. while we were young it was fun and uneventful as we gotten older it seems like he has gone through a major change and it now bitter and anger all the time.

[dmontngrey]

We were both 22 when we moved in together - the day I graduated college. I was 24 and he was 25 when we got married 2 1/2 years later. I'm not sure why we didn't just get married immediately. Looking back now, things just were NOT different when we were living together prior to marriage. What I certainly didn't know then, was that our marriage was going to be a constant struggle with DH's ADD. Age wouldn't have changed this!!

[Scanner]

I propose an alternative.

Instead of the following plan:

1. Delay marriage and kids until 28 after college.

we

1. Encourage marriage at 18-21 with kids.
2. Husband goes to college to provide for family (or trade school)
3. Then, after kids are grown, it's expected that wife goes to college

The couple sort of takes it upon them to get each other through college rather than waiting around until after college and first apartment.

[Fizgig]

1. Encourage marriage at 18-21 with kids.
2. Husband goes to college to provide for family (or trade school)
3. Then, after kids are grown, it's expected that wife goes to college

The couple sort of takes it upon them to get each other through college rather than waiting around until after college and first apartment.

That would have a really lousy outcome for most women.

Going back to school after a long delay with a couple of kids at home is INFINITELY harder that going straight in after high school. You must relearn how to study, deal with the stress and responsibility of a family, add the burden of educational expenses, AND the woman has lost critical years in her career.

It'd be one thing if we were in a low population crisis, but last I looked there were plenty of babies around.

If a woman wants and education and a career, she is best served by getting it early. If she wants a family right away, more power to her.

[moneybags]

I couldn't have gone off to college and lived in a dorm since I would have had a wife to provide for.

This sounds a bit old-fashioned. Don't most couples that get married now both work and provide for the family, at least until kids come along?

My brother got married while he was in college. He lived in the married housing unit at the school, while his wife work/provided for him.

[disneysteve]

This sounds a bit old-fashioned. Don't most couples that get married now both work and provide for the family, at least until kids come along?

My brother got married while he was in college. He lived in the married housing unit at the school, while his wife work/provided for him.

There was no "married housing unit" at my school. And even if there had been, that would totally have changed the whole college experience. To me, college is a time for kids to transition into adulthood, develop independence, enjoy some new-found freedoms and generally grow up. Marriage is something that happens AFTER you grow up, not before. Marriage is a serious commitment. I don't believe most 18 year olds are ready for that.

Plus, if I had married before college, what would my wife had been doing? If we didn't both go to the same college, or at least in the same area, how would that have worked? Would we get married and then go live apart from each other for 4 years? Or would we both have had to limit our school choices to those that let us be together? Neither is a very good option, IMO. Then in med school, I was away for a month at a time on numerous occasions doing clinical rotations. That would have been a lot more difficult had I been married already.

Maybe it could work for some couples, but I can't see how it would have been a good thing for me and my wife.