Help! Negligent husband not paying mortgage

[sanetoinsanity]

My Mother just informed me that my father has not been paying the mortgage and there is a forclosure notice on their home. She gives him her half every month and who knows where it goes.. This has been happening for a while and he refuses to give her his half of the mortgage and let her pay it because he wants control of it. He takes trips to the Bahamas and all around the world, though he doesnt have the money to be doing so.. so in turn he has run his credit cards to the max and also got a loan for the title of his truck, and has been paying that off instead of the mortgage so he wont lose his truck. He has refinanced the house 3 times in the past three years. I am just worried about my mother and I am wondering if there is anything that she could do legally so that all of this just doesnt get put on her and ruin her credit because she has worked so hard to keep it clean. Could she obtain a lawyer or is there anything, anything at all that she could do? Please help...

[noppenbd]

If she has asked for your help, tell her she needs to see a lawyer immediately. If the credit cards are in his name only she should not be responsible for them. The house may be a lost cause if it is truly in foreclosure, but maybe she can get out of this at least breaking even, without owing anything.

[LuxLiving]

My first question - are you a male or female?

How comfortable would you personally and your mom secondly be with you confronting your Dad about the situation and seeing if you can't all work something out together???

How agressive a man is he? Would your Mom talking about it with you (if he found out) be something that he would get physically agressive w/her about??? Is he going to be abusive towards her if you step in, in any way??

I'm like the other posters, what level of help is your Mom seeking?

Has she contacted the creditors herself?

Has she discussed it w/your Dad? What's HIS solution??

[CouponAddict]

My Mother just informed me that my father has not been paying the mortgage and there is a forclosure notice on their home.

I am just worried about my mother and I am wondering if there is anything that she could do legally so that all of this just doesnt get put on her and ruin her credit because she has worked so hard to keep it clean. Could she obtain a lawyer or is there anything, anything at all that she could do? Please help...

If your mother has ASKED for you help we will need a little more information about the situation to offer educated advice. Have they met with a fiancial advisor? It shoulds like they should, so both are aware of their $$ situation.

[brig2221]

I would agree with some of the previous posters regarding what options your Mother has. It seems that she has a lot of questioning to do at this point before any specific plan of action can be forumulated. I would also second the notion of contacting a lawyer to at least determine what options she may have. I am very sorry for the situation she has now found herself in.

That said, your story only confirms for me my thoughts on personal finances, specifically as it relates to marriages.

This is my opinion only, but I truly have never understood why Married couples would choose to handle their finances separately. I can understand situations where spouses get together and agree on pulling out certain dollar amounts into their own "slush funds" so they can have a little independence in spending. However, I cannot understand why you would want to have two separate banking accounts, with two separate checkbooks, and then both chip in to pay bills. That reminds me of what I did when I was younger and had a roomate in my apartment. I could never imagine doing that with my spouse!

I just think that this type of financial setup lends itself towards things like this happening more often. I mean, if you have a spouse making a lot more money than the other, which I am sure happens a lot, how exactly does that work? Does one spouse pay their bills with ease, and then enjoy what is left over, while the other struggles to pay their bills?

I find it hard to see how there would not be animosity between spouses in these types of situations. One way spouses typically act out upon their issues is through spending.

I certainly understand that these types of "financial infidelities" can and do happen under all circumstances, and that there are probably many who succcessfully split their finances.

I didn't want to veer too far off course from the original topic of your Mother. That said, when I read her story, the very first thing that immediately stuck out to me was the splitting of their finances.

[Broken Arrow]

Yikes.

Your father is cheating on your mother. Not with another woman exactly, but with her money. How would you feel if you handed money over to me, expecting me to take care of something for you, only for me to not do that, but spend it all on myself? Why should this be any different even if it's with family?

I'm not saying you should do anything to your father.... I don't know the situation enough, and frankly, this could be out of your hands anyway. Still, I do recommend to protect your mother by helping her set up her own finances. The easiest place to start as to go to the bank and set up a separate savings account, only in her name, and build up an emergency fund. Explain to the customer rep at the bank. They are usually very understanding and will give you helpful advice.

As much as is possible, separate the finances, build up cash, and be ready for anything.

Please take care....

[scfr]

I am so sorry. What a betrayal.

I think she should stop giving him any money for the mortgage immediately. She could send her half to the mortgagee directly, but I don't know if that is the best option when the house is already in foreclosure.

Consulting a lawyer sounds like a good option, but if she can't afford one, I wonder if a Women's Crisis Line might be able to recommend some resources? They might also make recommendations about how she handle dealing with your father ... I don't know your dad's situation, but given what you've said, confronting him outright might not be the best thing.

[Seeker]

1) How much is due to settle the foreclosure?
Mom here needs to find out specifically how much is owed and whether or not she has any means of paying that off.

2) If house is in both Mom's and Dad's names (title in joint ownership), and he refuses to give over her half, then this is a legal issue.
Unfortunately marriages do end this way and his using their money for personal "extras" shows that he does not care for her concerns.

3) A truck driver that is taking loans on the house and the truck, but only paying back on the truck is rather agressive IMO.

The OP and Mom needs to discuss options with a lawyer. She will also need to determine what future relationship will exist (or not) with this "partner" in the future.

However, I cannot understand why you would want to have two separate banking accounts, with two separate checkbooks, and then both chip in to pay bills.

I just think that this type of financial setup lends itself towards things like this happening more often. I mean, if you have a spouse making a lot more money than the other, which I am sure happens a lot, how exactly does that work? Does one spouse pay their bills with ease, and then enjoy what is left over, while the other struggles to pay their bills?

I find it hard to see how there would not be animosity between spouses in these types of situations. One way spouses typically act out upon their issues is through spending.

I certainly understand that these types of "financial infidelities" can and do happen under all circumstances, and that there are probably many who succcessfully split their finances.

I didn't want to veer too far off course from the original topic of your Mother. That said, when I read her story, the very first thing that immediately stuck out to me was the splitting of their finances.

Couples may choose to handle finances separately for many many reasons.

Half of my paycheck goes to a joint account I have with my husband. And the other half goes to my own personal account. I make twice as much as my husband currently.

The place that we live in, is in my name only. It was 100% mine when we married (it was fully paid off). We took out a loan on the home after marriage and he signed away any obligations on repaying that loan (the title remains in my name as a married woman). We got rid of his leased car and paid off some property (in both our names) and bought him a used car with that money. But the re-payment of the mortgage is my obligation alone.

I also handle 100% of the finances in this household. The money in reality is mixed (I have just paid off his old education debt in it's entirety) -- he has had a bankruptcy many years ago and he really does not want any part of handling any money. He is on my CC account and I pay off all bills in full each and every month usually from the joint account but sometimes from my sole account.

Our agreement suits us because of his past financial history; and the fact that I am rather controlling with money because of my past history (having to work for the things I wanted and seeing my own folks struggle).

Many many people would find this type of situtaion strange. I'm not a financial wizard and am learning more as we earn more.... but ultimately as women entering into marriage relatively late in life, this was my best option (if the marriage did not work out, I'd still have my home, though I may be partially obligated for some of his past obligations -- ie the car and maybe even the student loans).

Woman usually outlive men; and when that happens, if the woman has no financial idea of how to handle the expenses, that can also be a troublesome time. It's another reason for woman to establish their own credit and to learn.

[76Chick]

Yikes... I have nothing else to add. However, I sure do hope it all works out. Your poor mother...