Just needed to vent ...

[vsjhoc]

I had a lovely weekend with two friends at A's beach house, which is three times the size of my one-and-only house. Friend B also has two houses. They both have 2 kids in expensive private schools, but fortunately they don't act like the Jones (or they wouldn't be my friends). I know for a fact that neither has any debt.

When we went out for dinner, Friend B pointed to a $50 entree and said her son ordered it when she was here last year. She complained that it was so expensive.

Her son is about 10 years old.

I believe that you shouldn't tell people how to raise their kids. I bit my tongue so hard to keep from asking her why she didn't just tell him no, he couldn't have it.

I don't have kids, and it's not up to me how she spends her money, so I didn't say anything. I think I was eating with my teeth clenched.

[vsjhoc]

I meant to point out that I wouldn't dream of ordering a $50 entree for myself, never mind for a kid.

What really got my goat was that she was so outraged, as if she had no choice but to let him order whatever he wanted. Have some parents lost all ability to say "NO"?

[PrincessPerky]

unfortunately yes they have...although it might help your tongue next time to think that she in advance told him he could have 'whatever he wanted'...which she still could have told him no, but if she said anything you want, she had better have a really good reason to make him change his mind...

Maybe she did suggest he consider if the food was worth 50$ and maybe he was testing her on keeping her word?

Or maybe it was his money? He has to waste it sometime...

Anyway, you just never know about other people....

Now I need to make a mental note to check the price of the entrees before I offer to take my kid for anything they want .

[disneysteve]

I meant to point out that I wouldn't dream of ordering a $50 entree for myself, never mind for a kid."

I guess you won't be dining here anytime soon. Dinner is prix fixe at $138 per person.
Le Bec Fin | Philadelphia

And yes, I've been there a few times, always at someone else's expense thankfully, and it is wonderful.

[disneysteve]

Have some parents lost all ability to say "NO"?

Absolutely. We see this every day at school, at synagogue, at scouts, etc. Many parents let the kids call all the shots and make all the decisions. That is why our society is the way it is. Kids with zero boundaries and zero discipline.

My daughter has a friend at school and just spent the night there Sunday. When I picked her up, I mentioned that we should invite T over to our house sometime to reciprocate. My daughter said she really doesn't want the girl to come over because at her house, the girl is not expected to pick up anything or clean up any mess she makes, so she moves from one activity to the next leaving a trail of games, toys, whatever behind. One time when she did visit us, my daughter was upset because the place was a mess when she left and DD had to clean it all up.

[vsjhoc]

Thanks Princess, I know you're trying to give her the benefit of the doubt...

But her kids always get to order whatever they want. He wasn't paying for his meal. When she first objected, he didn't understand why $50 was an issue. She told me her kids always seem to order the most expensive items on the menu. I don't think they intentionally look for the highest price; I think they just get what they want (like a Wii for last Xmas).

Again, I've never had kids, but I think I'd be telling the waiter my young son would be having the grilled cheese sandwich...

[vsjhoc]

I guess you won't be dining here anytime soon. Dinner is prix fixe at $138 per person.
Le Bec Fin | Philadelphia

And yes, I've been there a few times, always at someone else's expense thankfully, and it is wonderful.

I love a great meal too, especially when someone else pays.

The $50 entree of course didn't include appetizers, drinks (at least her 10 year old doesn't drink cocktails, beer, or wine, LOL), dessert, tax, and tip, and the inevitable trip to the ice cream store.

[PrincessPerky]

Again, I've never had kids, but I think I'd be telling the waiter my young son would be having the grilled cheese sandwich...

Hey I was just trying to save your tongue

As to your future kid,well a little lobster now and then is good for a kid...but..I wouldn't order the 50 dollar plate either...mostly cause I have three kids and 150$ plus my meal and husbands is way out of our league

I used to think it was a waste to let a kid eat gourmet food, then I discovered my kids actually ate the food, I still think it is a waste to order food for a kid you know is going to not touch more than three bites (and I have been out to eat with plenty of them) but for a kid that will eat it and enjoy it I love to let them try all sorts of things.....just not at 50$ a plate....

Steve, tell your daughter to invite the girl, and offer to back her up when asking for help cleaning. will be good for the friend. if she refuses take her home early...should make a very loud object lesson..but then I am not known for my tact.

[vsjhoc]

Absolutely. We see this every day at school, at synagogue, at scouts, etc. Many parents let the kids call all the shots and make all the decisions. That is why our society is the way it is. Kids with zero boundaries and zero discipline.

This is yet another reason why I am very glad I decided to never have children. This kind of stuff would make me absolutely nuts. (Don't worry, Princess, if I did have kids I would have let them eat steak and lobster ... in moderation!)

[disneysteve]

I still think it is a waste to order food for a kid you know is going to not touch more than three bites

We see this all the time when we go to Disney World. The family in front of us in line orders a full meal for every member of their party, including the little kids. They spend way more than what we spend, because we share our meals, one large soda for the 3 of us, one order of fries, etc. Then we can't help but notice how much food the other family throws away as they are leaving. Of course, these will be the same people who go home and complain to everyone about how expensive Disney is and what a rip off the place is.

OP - Another place I see this is with extracurricular activites. I hear parents complaining that their kid's baseball, soccer, karate, dance, theater, gymnastics, etc. is driving them into bankruptcy. Not once have I heard a parent say that they have made their kid give up an activity because of cost. We, as parents, all want to give our kids the best we can, but that doesn't mean we have to give them absolutely everything.

[disneysteve]

This is yet another reason why I am very glad I decided to never have children. This kind of stuff would make me absolutely nuts.

Not all parents are like that, though. We certainly aren't. Our daughter has rules and boundaries and limits and is expected to follow them. In fact, she gets really upset when other kids aren't following the rules.

[cschin4]

I see nothing wrong with an occassional $50 meal on a special occassion or it they are well off, that may seem like $5 to them.

[vsjhoc]

I've been living in the "SavingAdvice mindframe" long enough to be shocked by my friends' behavior when we went food shopping for the weekend.

They didn't look at ANY of the prices. I vetoed the small bag of pre-washed, cut lettuce for $3.79 in favor of a head of iceberg for $1.29. You'd think I suggested something truly radical. I lost on the smoked salmon ($7).

Thanks to all you frugalites. I feel at home here. You get it.

[vsjhoc]

Not all parents are like that, though. We certainly aren't. Our daughter has rules and boundaries and limits and is expected to follow them. In fact, she gets really upset when other kids aren't following the rules.

Steve - From what you've said, your kids (and my hypothetical ones) would be the exceptions to the rule. It seems that the lack of boundary-ness is rampant (yes, I know that's not a word!!) and that's not where I want to be.

[vsjhoc]

I see nothing wrong with an occassional $50 meal on a special occassion or it they are well off, that may seem like $5 to them.

It wasn't a special occasion. It wasn't even a particularly great or fancy restaurant. I'd consider them well off. But the point was that my friend complained that her kids were costing her so much, as if she had no control over the matter.