Is It Tacky Using Coupons On A First Date?

[questions]

Is there etiquette when it comes to using restaurant coupons and dating? I have a friend that always uses coupons on the first date and this almost always turns off his dates. After how many dates is it okay to use coupons?

[simpleyme]

Re: Is It Tacky Using Coupons On A First Date?

I have to wonder if the reason the dates are turned off is that he is taking them to places that accept coupons LOL

[crabbypatty]

There would be no second date if the first one involved coupons. In fact, I think it would have to be an established relationhsip before I think it would be acceptable.

Now this is talking about coupons that the date saw. If you were able to get discount tickets ahead of time by purchasing online or something, that would be a different story.

[jodi]

I guess it depends on the girl! There would be a second, third and fourth date if I saw my date using coupons - it would certainly raise my frugal antenna (in a good way)
It would probably be more of a turn-off to me to have a date trying to "show off" by spending a lot of money instead of doing something really fun that was free. JMO though - I'm sure I'm in the minority. I guess it comes down to the person.

[fultron]

I would steer clear of using coupons until later in the relationship

[Broken Arrow]

I personally would not have minded. In fact, I'd probably admire the financial savvy....

Then again, I also don't claim to represent the majority of the male population.

[disneysteve]

Personally, I'd respect the frugality. Of course, that is looking at this through 42-year-old eyes that are wiser than they were at 16 or 18. I'm not sure what I would have thought then.

simpleyme - Just because there is a coupon doesn't mean it isn't a nice place. There are plenty of fine restaurants that accept coupons, particularly those in the Entertainment book. Besides, who is to say that the first date in question is at a fancy place. If we are talking about teens, it might be a relatively inexpensive place.

Even as a teen or 20-something, I never wanted to date girls who were only impressed if I spent a lot of money on them.

[pearlieq]

Frugalite that I am, I still think using coupons on the first date is dicey at best. I don't think I'd write a guy off for it if that were the only questionable thing he did, but I would raise a flag for me.

By the 3rd or 4th date, or by the time you've acknowledged that there's something there you're both interested in pursuing seriously, coupon away!

To me first dates are about much more than the simple logistics of sharing a meal or entertainment together. I was looking for a reasonably traditional relationship. On the first date I found it attractive and reassuring that my DH seemed to acknowledge the steps of the traditional courtship "dance".

Taking a date out, without overt mention of the cost, sends the message "I'm interested in you. I have something to offer to you. I'm willing to use my resources on you because I think you're worth it." By the same part, an intersted female would quickly reciprocate with something of her own--a home cooked meal, tickets to an event, etc.--to send the message "I'm interested in you too and I also have resources to commit to our common good."

[Ima saver]

It would not bother me, I think it is kind of smart!

[Aleta]

I think that it would be a great idea if when you go to a restaurant that they would give you the same covered holder for your bill so that you could put some requests or special requests or coupons where the other person wouldn't see. Sometimes the restaurants want the coupons in advance so it would be good if you had one of those things that you could just slip your private things inside so that friends or your date couldn't see. There is no reason why your date should have to see what you're doing or how much you're paying unless they're going to be paying the bill or at least paying a portion of it. Agreed?

[crabbypatty]

Let me clarify. It's not about spending the money to me either, and I voted that it was unacceptable to me. Most of my dates w/DH were very inexpensive, our first was watching a movie together at home (he wanted to take me out to dinner, I demurred).

Some things in life are worth full price, even if you could get them cheaper. For example, I buy overpriced fund raisers for kids activities. Of course I can get crappy cookies and chocolate cheaper. But I'm showing the kids that I think their organization is important and worthwhile. I can get orchids cheaper almost any time of the year except at Mothers Day. But it's important that I get an orchid corsage to show Mom she's special.

To me a first date is about being on your best behavior and showing someone that they are worthwhile. At some point my partner will burp, fart or show up looking disheveled at some point. But it's not OK on a first date.

I just wanted to explain my perspective, b/c it really wasn't about money.


ETA: Also... and this may sound weird to some people, I wouldn't date a guy that wore truly awful shoes. It's not about the cost of the shoe. There are some fugly expensive shoes too. You'd be surprised how many women feel the same way about the shoe thing. Do ya'll hate me now LOL. Good thing I'm married huh?

[Aleta]

For sure because if you would turn down a really great guy because of his shoes - that 's well being picky to the upteenth degree. I think that it's more important to you than you may want to look at. Are you like that with your husband?

[crabbypatty]

Jeezy peezy we all have idiosyncracies, no need to take it so seriously

I think perhaps that you reading a tad too much into it.

[LuxLiving]

Is it tacky?

Kind of on the first date. Not always, but it does seem it sorta 'short changes' the validity of someone's interest. I'm not sure why I feel that way exactly, but...

I once dated a lawyer whom I knew quite well the state of his F.A.T.C.A.T. financial affairs - he didn't want me to buy cheese for my hotdogs. This was a stay-at-home date to begin with and I don't like hotdogs w/o cheese. Sure, he had nice finances because he was frugal, but it was definitely a turn-off that he balked at my getting cheese at the grocery to eat - I mean really, we were already having a cheap date to begin with! GAAAA - left a bad taste in my mouth. I like frugal, but then there comes the skinflint side that is a real downer. (It wasn't a first date!)

I don't see anything wrong w/mentioning it FIRST on the second or third date (BEFORE the event happens)....

"Gee, Betty I had a great time on our first date and I'd like to see you again...I've got a coupon for BOGO down at the BusyBeeBuffet, do you think you'd like to go w/me on Friday?"

To forestall the first-date date-ee being turned off a person might excuse themselves and slip off to the restroom and then pay the bill w/the coupon before returning to the table.

Aleta, The Hubster showed up to our first date in dingo boots when dingo boots had been out of fashion for about 10 years. Did it turn me off? Ehhhh sorta - I do distinctly remember raising an eyebrow and making note. I still remember it 24 years later! Hahahahaa!!! If she doesn't like his shoes, it's okay...these are social cues to some extent and how one dresses does make a big difference to some people. Not so much to others.

I don't hate you crabbypatty!

[disneysteve]

I think that it would be a great idea if when you go to a restaurant that they would give you the same covered holder for your bill so that you could put some requests or special requests or coupons where the other person wouldn't see.

I agree that it definitely matters how the coupon is used. If the guy or gal calls out to the waitress, "Hey hon, don't forget to take off the coupon" then that would be a big no. But if he/she discreetly hands in the coupon along with the payment, I see nothing wrong with that. Also, the payer shouldn't try to influence what the other person orders in order to use the coupon. Nor should the payer brag about having used it. Just use it quietly and leave it at that.