Ever done a "personal financial intervention?"

[PauletteGoddard]

Re: Ever done a "personal financial intervention?"

By "intervention" I mean sitting down with a person you love, explaining that you are very concerned about how they are handling their finances and what this means to their future, and then offering to work with them to help them get their finances on track and teach them some of what you have learned about managing money and planning for the future?

I've been the subject of one financial intervention. I've hinted to friends that I may need another but they're not taking the bait. Maybe they don't love me.

[scfr]

Here's an update: I realized that what seemed like a major crisis to me (not having enough cash on hand to have your beloved cat put down) probably did not seem that way to my sister, because apparently she's been living that way for all of her adult life. [I knew she was not doing the best job managing her finances, but had no idea how bad it was until the "cat incident."] I knew I needed to chill out a bit and approach my sister calmly and rationally, be patient, and wait for just the right moment (without waiting too long of course).

This is what has happened so far. When I was in Costco recently, they were selling Suze Orman's new book "Women & Money." Some of you mentioned that this might be a good book to give my sis, and I had seen Suze's show on PBS and was really impressed. [I liked Suze okay but have not been a huge fan until now.] I picked up the book and leafed through it and really liked what I was seeing; thought it might really help my sister. Usually I check books out from the library rather than buying, but I saw an opportunity to buy the book, read it, then pass it on to my sister, casually saying "I am finished with the book and thought you might enjoy it." I figured that would be much less threatening than telling her I bought the book because I thought she needed it!

Then ... talk about good fortune ... I saw in the paper that Suze is going to be giving 3 presentations in the area where I live next week (2 are free, one is $5)!!!

I called my sister, told her about the presentations and how much I am learning from the book, told her I had planned to pass the book on to her, and asked her if she wanted to go to the presentation with me.

She responded very positively, said she was very interested in the book, wants to go to the presentation, and said she is going to invite a friend to join us who she thought could learn something too.

So, I have a date with my sis and her friend to go see Suze! I feel so good about this. I know that there is no guarantee my sister is going to change as a result of this, but I feel this is her best chance!

I must finish reading the book this weekend so I can pass it on to my sister when I see her.

Thanks to all of you for your support, suggestions, and encouragement. I will keep you posted.

[kealina]

that's great... hopefully she is ready to learn... if not, at least you tried and there isn't much else you can do...

[scfr]

Well, due to weather & work issues, we missed Suze's talk, but sister called me TWICE today about Suze's book. She says she is signing up for the TD Ameritrade Account, and is going to sign up for her retirement plan at work. She is even talking about moving to a less expensive apartment even tho it will mean a longer bus ride to work and she actually used the word "budget" in our conversation for the very first time. Holy cow.

I was positive in my responses but stayed calm and casual, tho' mentally I was doing backflips and screaming yeah!

I think the reason she is so ready to learn now is a combination of:
- The lack of funds to pay for the cat / embarrasment of having to ask me for the money
- Suze's excellent book coming out --- Bless you Suze!
- Sis being in a serious relationship for the first time in quite awhile
- My encouragement --- Big thanks to all of you for your help!

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

Even I feel excited for her!

[scfr]

I'm bringing up this very old thread to say THANK YOU to everyone who offered their support and great suggestions. I just did an update on this situation my blog, for anyone who is interested:

Older Sister Update: Scfr's Personal Finance Blog

[aida2003]

That's wonderful that your sis is ready to being helped.
Wonderful job on your part! You gave her a chance to keep control of her life just by giving a book and passing some useful tips (like TP or sending a link about America's saving week). If she hadn't been ready and you had intervened instead (like becoming her budget guy), there could have been much worse consequences in your relationship.

Let's keep fingers crossed she doesn't give up in a month or even in a year.

I like reading such success stories

[brokeneagle]

Let me ask everyone this question: Am I doing the right thing? See below:

Throughout their adult lives my parents have exhibited very little, if any, financial responsibility. I could list things that would blow your mind.

They now find them in yet another financial crisis and have been borrowing from Peter to pay Paul for the last 6 months. All the while they have car payment on a 2004 truck which combined with insurance and gas, equates to about $900 per month. The truck got re-po'd a few months ago and I, along with three or four other folks, "loaned" them the money to get it back. I told them at that point that until they sell the truck, the very thing that is sinking them to the bottom, I refused to help any more and walked out of their house. Seriously, I kicked in $500 that I didnt have to spare to help. Other people have paid their cell phone bill, their gas bill, their electric bill.

I got a call this morning being asked for another $100 to help a couple of checks from bouncing. Eventhough half of my heart was urging me to say YES since I could afford to do it...I said no. Now I have a pit in my stomach.

My thought is this: As long as they continue to try and hang onto that truck and carry a cell phone, I refuse to help. As much as I want to help them, I simply can't bring myself to bail them out again. I am also trying to get my sister to take this approach but she keeps caving in.

Am I doing the right thing in refusing to help?

This is my parents we're talking about. Eventually I KNOW that I'll get a call from them saying they have been kicked out of the house they're renting and living out of the truck. Try to imagine getting phone calls from your parents begging for money. If this were a friend, I would have said no to him months ago and probably slapped some sense into him.

Thanks,

BrokenEagle

[scfr]

Sorry to hear about that, BrokenEagle. What a tough situation.

For what it's worth, yes, I think you did the right thing. But I don't imagine your parents feel the same way.

Have you tried offering to help by assisting them in getting their car sold? That's probably what I would do.