Moving to a cheaper area and custody issues....

[sparklylikeaholiday]

Hi there,

Does anyone have any experience with custody and moving away from a parent (by 2 hours, not by thousands of miles - and in the same state).

I live in a VERY expensive area (median income = 94k, I make 25k) and simply cannot afford to live here.

My attorney says that because we have 50/50 joint custody, the burdon would be on me to get my son back and forth to his father (which I cannot afford, especially since my son is with him 3 days/week).

My ex also maintains that if I move out of the area, he will fight me for full custody. He makes 150k more than me - he can afford to do it.

I don't have the capacity, emotionally or financially to afford another custody battle.

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Thanks!

Edited to add: I just realized, my gender may not be apparent. I'm a woman, so the mom. He's a 4 year old boy who will be starting kindergarten in the fall.

[Gruntina]

Re: Moving to a cheaper area and custody issues....

I really can not offer advise with financial apsect of being a parent and choosing where to live with custody issues involved.

However as one growing up as a child of divorced parents, it was filled with hardship. My mother was very much in your situation but often she was without jobs. She could not afford a car but she did not want to be out of my life. Today she and I are still like soulmates because we were there for each other. Time were really hard but I have more fun memories with her than my dad who made a lot of money.

[dossin1]

Re: Moving to a cheaper area and custody issues....

Can you get ex to increase child support? If he wants child near him, why can't he pay more for his kids living expenses?

[Snoopy2645]

Re: Moving to a cheaper area and custody issues....

No advice but we have the same agreement with my oldest dd. I am not allowed to move so far away.

[PrincessPerky]

Re: Moving to a cheaper area and custody issues....

Have you talked with the father? is he really that unfeeling torward his sons living that he wouldn't be able to help with driving?

[PRICEPLUS]

Re: Moving to a cheaper area and custody issues....

Can't he meet you half way?

[boefixepa]

Re: Moving to a cheaper area and custody issues....

Honestly, the deciding factor will be the relationship you have with your ex. If he is willing and able to help you (which he should be if he cares for his child) then the two of you should be able to work something out. If he is not, then you are stuck until you alone and better your situation. The only other thing I can think of is if you have other family that may be willing to help. You are caught between many rocks and hard places, best of luck.

[lrjohnson]

Re: Moving to a cheaper area and custody issues....

Have you talked with the father? is he really that unfeeling torward his sons living that he wouldn't be able to help with driving?

I'm not sure that's how I would see it. The father may be looking at this as a barrier to seeing the kids. Driving on the weekends could be okay, but four hours round trip on a weekday doesn't work. I know a lot of parents who would find it really difficult to live two hours away from their child.

I would love to see the father do what he can as far as time or money to make life easier for mom so that she can be financially stable. I am wary of one parent moving a child away from another parent.

Is mediation an option?

[cicy33]

Re: Moving to a cheaper area and custody issues....

just to play devils advocate for a moment. we pay $500 per month child support. but if we had to pay more we couldn't afford our bills! now of course we dont' make 150K, but why should the father be forced to pay more because the mother wants to move? I am the step mom by the way. I realize that doesn't sound the norm for a woman but I just don't feel the automatic thing should be oh, lets make the dad pay even more to keep them closer. However, perhaps the parents could rearrange the custody agreement? Or maybe instead of 2 hours away the mother could manage to live a little further back towards the father so there is less driving time, even 30 minutes? though that would be mean more driving time for work and stuff. Unfortunately there is no winning situation when divorce and kids are involved. someone is going to lose. but as said before, unless you go back to court the papers stand and you have to abide by them.

[fairy74]

Re: Moving to a cheaper area and custody issues....

While I feel for the OP, I do agree with lrjohnson and cicy33, there are two sides to everything. I think the mediator is a great idea, if both of you are willing. You might check at your local courthouse, some family law mediators work on a sliding scale basis and you might qualify for a reduced fee in that case.

[LuxLiving]

Re: Moving to a cheaper area and custody issues....

Child of divorced parents here. My mother moved an hour away and I lived w/Dad. Mom wanted to see me then she was the one who drove to pickup and drop off. Just something to think about.

If you can agree to move but you do the driving it might work - but you'd have to carefully count the cost, your time and wear and tear on vehicle and gas dollars.

Good luck with this.

[cicy33]

Re: Moving to a cheaper area and custody issues....

ahh, but major difference is this family agreed to a joint custody and share the weeks too. so that is why it is such a huge issue.

[Elgin526]

Re: Moving to a cheaper area and custody issues....

Sometimes the answer to budget problems is to find a way to make more money. Is there anyway you can ask for a raise or get a better job? Can you get a 2nd part time job on the days your ex has custody? Can you get a roommate (tough when you're living with a child I know, but it will cut your housing costs signifigantly)?

[mom-from-missouri]

Re: Moving to a cheaper area and custody issues....

I did it. It should state in your paperwork how far you are allowed to move. Mine stated I could be anywhere in the state, OR within a 100 mile radius. The 100 mile radius was because I was 67 miles from the state line and at the time of the divorce it was rumored my company may shut down our office and move our division across the state line to the headquarters building.
I moved 97 miles (amost a 2 hr drive) away from my ex when I remarried. I am still within the same state. I drive them there, or he comes here or we meet in the middle. My parents still live in the town he lives in, and they have friends there, so sometimes I take them to a friends to spend the night, then he picks them up for a day or so.
He did threaten to sue me for custitody when I told him we were moving. However I had already talked to my attorney. He said the judge would not take the fact he was wanting custody just because I was moving as being a good cause. I was moving to a better life, was going to be home with them, it was a decent house, good school..... He said since the divorce was only 18 months before the ex would have to prove abuse, or neglet or that I was moving to worse situation. We have been here for 6 months now, and he has not said anything more to me about it. If he tried, I am sure I would beat him. The girls grades have all gone up-way way up, I am home with them, they can be in activities now since I am off to take them to games, lessons...and they are much much happier.
I would think that as long as you could show you were making a better life for the kids you would be ok-but ask your attorney and look at the paperwork.

[Broken Arrow]

Re: Moving to a cheaper area and custody issues....

What about getting the father to pick up and drop off?

I offered to be the one who does it, and it doesn't bother me.

However, I only live 20 minutes away from my ex, so it's not a huge burden to me.