tips for dealing with a gambler?

[fairy74]

Re: tips for dealing with a gambler?

Duchesse:

I think you may be right and I pretty certain it will be me...I've decided to hold fast to the five minute rule as that is the max I have to give, if she needs more, too bad

[Snoopy2645]

Re: tips for dealing with a gambler?

Well my dad was the only big gambler I ever knew really but he had lots of friends who also gambled & his cousins also gambled what was sad is how much money he lost you dont want to know of course I dont know exacts but he never got over it he lived a gambler until he died so not sure anything can be done

[fairy74]

Re: tips for dealing with a gambler?

Snoopy

I think you're right, unless someone really wants to change and put the work into it won't happen

[tgavin71]

Re: tips for dealing with a gambler?

I too agree that you can not help someone who doesn't want to be helped. The only thing you can do is let her know that you will be there for her if she needs it but will not give or loan her money or listen to her sob stories. We had to do this with two family members. It is hard but so is life.

[PRICEPLUS]

Re: tips for dealing with a gambler?

I have a friend who is a degenerat egambler. He is quite a character as he borrows from Peter to pay back Paul. Sometimes it is funny but I have to remember that he is sick. Addicted Gamblers will do almost anything to get money for their habit!

Never loan them money and remember You can't "save" them! Tough love is the order of the day! It is their fault NOT yours!

[HalMd]

Re: tips for dealing with a gambler?

So, how did it go?

[fairy74]

Re: tips for dealing with a gambler?

She called my home number twice this weekend but I was gone both times...I have not called her back yet, I will keep everyone posted, thanks again for all the tips and support

[markio26]

Re: tips for dealing with a gambler?

update:
i just wanted to add, our friends that i spoke to, we have discovered to our surprise are wearing down their family and friends also, with their behavior... i think the 5 minute rule is very wise for your own sake...my great aunt susie used to tell me... "don't get involved you will only get hurt." i do advise them if they ask me... they do not want to change is my conclusion.. best wishes.. hth..

[fairy74]

Re: tips for dealing with a gambler?

thanks Markio, DH also suggested that if she starts in with the "oh poor me" that I just tell her gently what I think of her gambling and its after-affects and tell her that this a topic I am no longer comfortable discussing with her. It's always hard when you can see good qualities in someone but the self-defeating ones seem more prominent, you were right to tell your friends and then let it go

[markio26]

Re: tips for dealing with a gambler?

i am trying really hard to be my own person... i react to situations, the way i have learned from my upbringing... my spouse avoids situations...or ignores them... so, i am sorta on my own.. right now spouse has a work friend who has lived for 6 years with my friend pam.. we discovered by accident, tater is cheating with a co-worker named rose ann... i am appalled by his behavior.. he brings pam over to our home, acts like a faithful mate to her... i hate liars... i wonder what else he is lying about to her.. anyway, we will mind our own business.. pam has acted jealous of our relationship with tater, lately, now we know why.. she probably had a thought that we were involved or maybe knew something...so, never think you are the lone ranger.. i could write on and on, about ppl. we know..........hth. thanks for posting this.. all of the comments were helpful to me too.

[fairy74]

Re: tips for dealing with a gambler?

Quick update, spoke to my friend last night. First two minutes of the conversation were great (mainly about jobs, family, etc...) then she started into the "oh poor me" about her finances, I let her vent for a minute or so and then when I could tell she was looking for sympathy, I just told her that you reap what you sow. She was quiet for a few minutes and then amazingly told me I was right. I also asked her not to bring her gambling and associated financial losses up again, as I am frustrated hearing the same thing over and over again. She agreed but then told me that I didn't understand "because I have a husband". I told her that was an excuse and reminded her that when I met her I was newly divorced and in a much worse financial position than her. That shut her up! Anyway overall it went better than I expected

[shengmei]

Re: tips for dealing with a gambler?

Genetics indicate that perhaps some people simply have an addictive personality to adrenaline. Some people like me needs to be overstimulated so the adrealine levels constantly need to be kept up so they don't crash and fall into despair.

I got five cats. Cats are stimulating enough for me. Both of my parents are HUGE gamblers, and so far I have managed to avoid the impulse by keeping busy and by not having a credit card.

[fairy74]

Re: tips for dealing with a gambler?

shengmei

you raise an interesting point, my friend has about 4-6 dogs at any one time and does other thrill seeking type activities. I definitely think there is a biological component, however obviously some people (like yourself) seek a way to control their impulses...good for you controlling your impulses!