hypenathed last name

[geojen]

Re: hypenathed last name

Changing my last name was a big deal for me. I did not want to!!! Last name is a big deal in my family. But, I wanted to have a united family front with DH I guess, and didn't want our future kids to wonder why mom had a different last name. Solution: BOTH dh and I added my maiden name to our middle names (neither of us wanted to give those up either ) and I changed my last name. So now we both have 2 middle names, which nobody can figure out, but I know and he know about it. That's enough for me.

[tinapbeana]

Re: hypenathed last name

Changing my last name was a big deal for me. I did not want to!!! Last name is a big deal in my family. But, I wanted to have a united family front with DH I guess, and didn't want our future kids to wonder why mom had a different last name. Solution: BOTH dh and I added my maiden name to our middle names (neither of us wanted to give those up either ) and I changed my last name. So now we both have 2 middle names, which nobody can figure out, but I know and he know about it. That's enough for me.

i didn't/don't want to change my name either. when i asked DH why couldn't he change his name, he looked horrified! i took one look at his face and said "that's the way i feel about changing my name, too!" i even asked him if we could pick a new name and both change (seemed equitable to me), and again he looked at me like i was a weirdo

[tabbycat31]

Re: hypenathed last name

I wouldnt change my name even if he had the best last name in the world. It's the concept of it. The history of it dates back to when women were considered property..... on her wedding day she went from being her father's property to her husband's hence the name change. Also I don't feel I should have to change my identity just because I get married.

[boefixepa]

Re: hypenathed last name

Interesting twist on this thread...I love my family, but I will willingly change my last name to my husbands when I marry. It will a pain with much paperwork, but I am choosing to live my life with him and to me that means carrying his name. Odd...I've never really thought about it being a 'property' issue, or as not wanting my maiden name. Hum...something to think about.

[RJB1180]

Re: hypenathed last name

Back to the topic, my DW wants to change her name but her health insurance company, we deal with them a lot and speak to someone fairly high up has told her not to at this time, once we are not their problem any more they don't care.

I was wondering more about the legality of paritally using your maiden name along with your hypen or switched.

The ins has said that switching the names could cause many problems with payment, like it did with our address change.

[mccartygirl]

Re: hypenathed last name

Here is my little piece to it - I didn't change my name when I got married, when we had DD she has both of our names hyphenated as her last name - 3 different last names in our house Anyways, with our insurance we have some issues but not with DD's hyphenated name - it's with hubbies different name. The ins company keeps issuing his ins card with my last name (ins is from my company) and not his. I'll call them and they'll send a new card with my last name on it again. That might be a problem but that's with insurance cards. Doesn't really matter because it goes by SS#.

[tabbycat31]

Re: hypenathed last name

I've always felt very strongly about keeping my last name, especially since if everything goes traditionally, the name will be lost. I also view my last name as my identity, and I plan on keeping my identity. If he wants to take my last name, he is more than welcome to.

ETA the conservative family values..... wife stays home, changes her name, etc mean very little to me. I've always defied tradition. I've been like that as long as I can remember. I would have done much better as a 60s era femminist

[Jacklad]

Re: hypenathed last name

I've always felt very strongly about keeping my last name, especially since if everything goes traditionally, the name will be lost. I also view my last name as my identity, and I plan on keeping my identity. If he wants to take my last name, he is more than welcome to.

ETA the conservative family values..... wife stays home, changes her name, etc mean very little to me. I've always defied tradition. I've been like that as long as I can remember. I would have done much better as a 60s era femminist

I split the difference. While not a "feminist" per se (I prefer to think of myself as an equalist), I have been an Army officer for twenty-odd years (some of them odder than others).

My husband is also an Army officer, and rather than going through the hassle of changing my name, I kept my maiden name at work and use my husband's everywhere else. Now, I am in Canada, so the laws might be different, but there is no requirement for me to use a single name as long as I use a single Social Insurance Number (roughly equivalent to your SSN).

So - my provincial drivers license is in my married name. My Army drivers license is in my maiden name. My Canadian passport is in my married name. My British (EU) passport is in my maiden name. My provincial health card is in my married name, but my SIN card and Army ID are in my maiden name. My credit cards are all in my married name, but my cell phone and utilities are in my maiden name. The credit bureaus show my married name, with my maiden name as an "aka". My federal security clearance and my will and power of attorney also show both names. The only place that shows both together (although not hyphenated) is Revenue Canada, who accept all my tax slips in either name as long as I'm using a single SIN. Confused yet? Actually, it's less confusing than my first name, as I answer alternately to Jacqueline, Jackie, Jack, Sis, Honey, Sweetie, Mom, Auntie and "Hey, you".

The biggest benefit has been in having a "family" name. There is a sense of unity in all of us being "one", and a rare one among my kids' friends (the record is six surnames in one family - his, hers, and four different fathers of her kids (none of them his).

Frankly, I never cared which name was used emotionally, but just preferred (for general use) the sound of his last name when paired with my first name. The scansion is better.

Jackie

[tabbycat31]

Re: hypenathed last name

I think it also depends on the woman's age at the time of marriage. Younger women early 20s and younger) are much less likely to have a professional identity established under their name. I am right now 26 and not married. And I knew as a teenager, that I wouldnt be married until I was closer to 30. I also see myself as an equalist, but a woman having to change her name when she gets married is not equal in my opinion. Now if BOTH changed their name to a single name then that would be equal (John Smith marries Jane Jones.... at marriage they become John and Jane Doe)

I guess I just see it as simply as this...... why should I have to be the one that changes my name at marriage. Why can't he change his name?

[Jacklad]

Re: hypenathed last name

I think it also depends on the woman's age at the time of marriage. Younger women early 20s and younger) are much less likely to have a professional identity established under their name. I am right now 26 and not married. And I knew as a teenager, that I wouldnt be married until I was closer to 30. I also see myself as an equalist, but a woman having to change her name when she gets married is not equal in my opinion. Now if BOTH changed their name to a single name then that would be equal (John Smith marries Jane Jones.... at marriage they become John and Jane Doe)

I guess I just see it as simply as this...... why should I have to be the one that changes my name at marriage. Why can't he change his name?

Well, that's just the point - he can. In my circle of 40ish friends, we have two cases where the man took the woman's surname, and in my own family tree there is a marriage in the 1800's where the man took his wife's name, so there's no groundbreaking there.

So he can change his name. Or she can. No one is forcing anyone.

That said, I took hubby's name (mostly) because I liked it better and because I like having a family name. But I kept my maiden name partly because I used it professionally and because with dual-citizenship some things were just too complicated to change (I would have had to go through a complete legal name change, go through the Consulate in Ottawa to register the legal change, etc.). So I use both, legally, and have for more than twenty years. The only concession I have made is to carry a photocopy of my marriage license in my wallet, just in case the issue ever comes up.

The point is having choice, and doing what feels right to you. If I was forced to choose, I would probably choose hubby's name at this point - I rather like the fact that it identifies us as a "pair". Right down to the matching surnames on our (future) headstones.

Jackie

[LuxLiving]

Re: hypenathed last name

I was hyphenated at one time. BUT, and it's one thing I haven't seen mentioned in this thread - I became worried about the identity theft problem of having my maiden name brandished about and just went to using his.

One good reason for either keeping your name or hyphenating is for future generations doing genealogical research, you'd be much easier to keep track of.

[Ima saver]

Re: hypenathed last name

I agree with boe, I gladly changed my name when I married and had no problems.

[abowers]

Re: hypenathed last name

I will be gladly changing my last name when I get married next August. I don't have a problem with my last name, it is easy to pronounce, no problems spelling it. I like the idea of having a common family name as well.
There are no boys in the family to carry on the name, and the "brand" of bags I make is based on my current initials which will now change, but that's ok with me.

[Jacklad]

Re: hypenathed last name

I will be gladly changing my last name when I get married next August. I don't have a problem with my last name, it is easy to pronounce, no problems spelling it. I like the idea of having a common family name as well.
There are no boys in the family to carry on the name, and the "brand" of bags I make is based on my current initials which will now change, but that's ok with me.

Hmmm.... what's your fiance's last name?

You'd be OK with "P" (A Nice Purse), "T" (A Nice Tote), "C" (A Nice Clutch/Case), "H" (A Nice Handbag)... if you're very old-fashioned, "R" (A Nice Reticule ).

Anything else and I'm afraid you'll have to throw him back and keep fishing.

Just kidding (of course),

Jackie

[abowers]

Re: hypenathed last name

hehe... yeah it starts with L. No good. I'll break the news to him tomorrow.