Question for Singles (Or Those Who Used to Be)

[PRICEPLUS]

Re: Question for Singles (Or Those Who Used to Be)

If I asked a young lady out for a date I would pay everything. When I was dating my wife we started to split things occassionaly when we got engaged. Societal rules are in flux and I guess the best thing to do is play it by ear but I would still pay regardless. I guess I am an anachronism!

[vsjhoc]

Re: Question for Singles (Or Those Who Used to Be)

I (female) guess I'm just not very traditional. I will almost always offer to split it. Sometimes I even offer to pick up the whole tab. I admit I do this as a test to see what the male reaction will be.

The worst date I have ever had: I offered; the guy opted for the larger beer whereas before I opted he was wavering between getting a small one and a large; and when the bill came and the waitress put it down next to him, he picked it up with a great flourish, passed it to me, and said "I believe this is yours." I couldn't get rid of him fast enough.

If I feel like a guy is trying to impress me by how much money he has, he's a goner too. I just dumped a guy who had a Mercedes convertible with plans to buy a bigger house more befitting his station in life. Don't get me wrong, I don't want someone with a lot of debt either (been there, done that). Just don't think you can buy me.

[tinapbeana]

Re: Question for Singles (Or Those Who Used to Be)

I (female) guess I'm just not very traditional. I will almost always offer to split it. Sometimes I even offer to pick up the whole tab. I admit I do this as a test to see what the male reaction will be.

when i was single, i liked to pick up the tab on a date, especially if it was someone i liked. 1st, got to see how he would react. 2nd, (and sneakiest!) i'd get to say "you can pick up the next one"!

other option is to pay for a portion of the entertainment for the evening. if he bought dinner out and we're going to a movie, i'd offer to pick up the tab there. or coffee or ice cream or whatever...

the thoughts of having someone churn out $50 a night (or more) to go on a date a couple nights every week just made me uncomfortable on too many fronts.

[Broken Arrow]

Re: Question for Singles (Or Those Who Used to Be)

*Scribbling notes down furiously*

Wow, I didn't know you ladies can be so sneaky! All these "tests" just to gauge our reactions? Reminds me of that episode from some sitcom where the daughter brought her date over for dinner with the family, but the father was testing him the entire time:

Dad: Guy, would you like some chicken?
Guy: Yeah, sure, I'd love some.
Dad: Terrific! Now, which piece do you want? BREAST or THIGH?
Guy: Uh... uh WING!

[tinapbeana]

Re: Question for Singles (Or Those Who Used to Be)

*Scribbling notes down furiously*

Wow, I didn't know you ladies can be so sneaky! All these "tests" just to gauge our reactions?

BA, surely you know guys have their tests, too. I call them 'You Picks'.

"You pick the restaurant"
*burgers and fries kinda gal, or french bistro?*

"You pick the movie"
*chick flick for her, action adventure for me, or something in the middle to keep everyone happy?*

Then there's the one trick everyone tries to pull on everyone else: order last, so you can see how much the other person picks as the price point for their meal. That way, you can order accordingly

[Broken Arrow]

Re: Question for Singles (Or Those Who Used to Be)

"You pick the restaurant"
*burgers and fries kinda gal, or french bistro?*

Huh. I never thought of that as a test before. More like trying to hide my own indecision. However, if I was slick, I would've reserved a table in advance at the bistro. Oh yeah, that's something else I need to jot down. "Reserve... in advance."

"You pick the movie"
*chick flick for her, action adventure for me, or something in the middle to keep everyone happy?*

I hate to say it, but we don't actually ask this. We know what we want to watch. We want to watch Lumberjack Ninjas Part IV, not The Tides of Love. However, we also know that we're not going to see it. If we know what's good for us that is. That's why we don't technically ask. We merely obey.

Then there's the one trick everyone tries to pull on everyone else: order last, so you can see how much the other person picks as the price point for their meal. That way, you can order accordingly

Wow! I honestly never thought of that before. But now that you mentioned it, I suppose I could do that from now on. Hehehe.

But yeah, I guess we guys could do that stuff too. I don't know. I never knew dating could be so complicated. Kinda frightening. I wonder how long I can hold out as a bachelor?

[lrjohnson]

Re: Question for Singles (Or Those Who Used to Be)

I (female) guess I'm just not very traditional.

Does the fact that I have been on one date in my life make me non-traditional? (I was in eighth grade, he was in sixth, he took me to see the Pretenders...it would have been unkind to say no. He was really small for his age and his name was Wesley, that's all I remember.)

If I were to date, I don't think I'd have a problem with a guy being gallant; assuming he is the one that asked. (If I asked, I'd pay.) But the bigger thing to me would be, is this guy's spending consistent with my values? I'm not interested in a person who is wasteful. There are some restaurants that I think are worth going to even if pricey (ever in London? Go to St. Johns!) but I'd reserve these for special occasions; travel, anniversary, birthday. For early dating, I'd be uncomfortable if a person spent a lot of money on dates.

[pearlieq]

Re: Question for Singles (Or Those Who Used to Be)

Unless I knew ahead of time there was some extenuating circumstance, I fully expect the man to pay for the first date.

With an average guy, I'll make a token offer to pay and he'll refuse. With a reject, I'll make a token offer to pay and he'll tell me what my half of the bill is (which I consider a fair price to pay for never having to see him again!)

With an exceptional guy, I won't even get the chance to offer.

Now it should absolutely not be said that I expect a man to pay my way. I don't. I expect a man to ahere to the "steps", if you will, of the traditional courtship dance.

A man paying on the first date sends a message, the same way my fussing with my hair and laughing his jokes (even the lame ones) sends a message.

As the relationship progresses, I will more than pull my weight. DH might have paid for the majority of dinners (he made 5X what I did!), but I make a point to pay for some (he was so insistent on paying I would often have to excuse myself to the "washroom" and sneak the money to the waiter!) I also cooked for him quite a bit and took time to plan dates and find events that we could attend together inexpensively.

I certainly don't begrudge anyone else their opinion, but this is what works for me!

Re: Question for Singles (Or Those Who Used to Be)

The salary difference can make or break the decision of who pays, sort of. Most genuine men pay for their dates, even if the women initiates the date.

Dating is very double-standard. Primarily because our culture has expectations of men to be gentlemen in action AND support. This includes paying for entertainment. When you think about it, this has been happening for a while in our country. Kinda hard to lose the habit.

My wife insists on paying for dinner at a restaurant from time to time - and to be honest it bothers me. Even though our finances are combined! Weird.

To any women who may wonder if they should pay, coming from myself and my single brother, do it! But remember to let the guy down easy, lol. We may like to save our money, but we prefer to save our pride! So think of ways to offer to pay without making the dude feel cheap - even if he makes more money.

[Elgin526]

Re: Question for Singles (Or Those Who Used to Be)

I'm married now, but my rule was that the guy pays on the first date and after that the bill should be split up, or if it's a long term relationship, I pay on one date and he pays on the next date, or he picks up dinner and I'll pay for the movie and snacks.

Unfortunatly, my now DH wouldn't let me DO any of that, he insisted on paying 90% of the time, the other 10% I was just faster when the server droped of the check!

[Broken Arrow]

Re: Question for Singles (Or Those Who Used to Be)

All these rules! Just let us guys pay. Seriously.

Even when I was married, I paid all the time. After all, it was our money anyway, and I was in charge of the family finances, so it made perfect sense to me. That was one of those things that we never argued about.

[vsjhoc]

Re: Question for Singles (Or Those Who Used to Be)

Does the fact that I have been on one date in my life make me non-traditional?

It makes you lucky. Dating stinks. Look at this thread; the "rules" are murky and inconsistent.

[markio26]

Re: Question for Singles (Or Those Who Used to Be)

the guy should pay... initially, regardless of who has more money... he also, should select the place to go for the date, etc...
however, if the gal invites him out first, she should treat him....