Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

[Gruntina]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

I am sure a different situation for each household allows different options of daycare vs. childcare. It just neat to see what everyone is doing and their perspectives of it. I learned a lot from these posts and it’s allowing me to think more before making a huge commitment with my SO. I do know for a fact that I won't have a job that justifies the cost of daycare (for more than 1 child especially) but that is because I live a good 45 minutes away from the cities any way off the hill and I don't want to add the additional time of commute (i.e. work and day care pick-up) and beside the not so high pay I would be taking home (High cost of living location). But if I had debts still to pay off, I am sure everything will be different and I would have to work. It's nice to hear about different options out there.

[mccartygirl]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

We're very fortunate with our daycare. DD loves it, plus we can watch her on video if we're concerned. They have 2 cameras in every room and it's shown on their website, you need a password to access it.

Well said Snoopy, it is a tough choice, especially if you're a single parent or things were tight pre-child. That is too bad about your DD being locked in a room, told to nap all day. Some people should definitely not be in the daycare business.

[Homebody]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

It takes more than day care to ruin a child/family and more than a stay at home parent to make a successful child/family.

Why do some of you feel the need to put down choices other people make in order to justify your choice.

Everyone has different life experiences and make choices for many reasons.

I personally would not work if I didn't have to, I chose to get off food stamps and Medical and work full time. That was 24 years ago. My daughters are 27, 25 and 19. I was able to start working at home 10 years ago. I wish I could have sooner, but I was unable to, partly out of fear.

My daughters were in day care approximately 40 hours a week before they went to school then to a friend's house after school.

You who are staying home are lucky in my opinion, I wish I could have, but I was unable to AND we lived in a rent free house my parents owned.

When I had my first two babies 25 plus years ago, this same debate was doing on. I find it very sad that women are not more supportive of each other. Isn't that what women's lib was supposed to be about, choices???

[PrincessPerky]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

When you look at daycare vs home, you DO need to look at the quality, and the quantity. I have seen the same kids who know nothing (and parents who are clueless) both at home and at daycare, and at school. It is not a new phenomenon of parents who are failing their kids. We can't say oh I know a home kid who is clueless, therefor I will send my kid to school...err you are the parent not that other person, you are the deciding factor. Same in reverse.

The parent is the biggest key factor how well home works.....when you hand that position over, choose wisely. (math done in an earlier post)

I am not very good at stating things, (especially not good at doing it politly) I do feel that daycare has a usefull place, and it needs to be a WELL researched option for some, however, it is not the only option, and I will not bow to the politically correct, 'daycare is fine' No it isn't always..and no bottles are not the same as breast, and no mass education is not as good as proper homeschooling. However there ARE reasons to use it. I will repeat, working vs not working has nothing to do with this, I simple feel that handing your child over to someone else for such a large portion of their life is a bad idea.

If you use daycare and like it, fine, it is your kid, you prolly do many more things different from me than just daycare, (and would if you were home too), we all get to raise our kids our own way...but I don't have to say hotdogs are good for you just so you don't feel your making a bad choice feeding them to your kid. (btw my kids eat them on occassion....this is meant as an example of difference) It is the same with daycare, we all make what we feel is the best choice with our options and we go with it (reevaluating, of course, maybe new research will show hotdogs prevent cancer )

on money
I didn't spend a dime to teach my DD to read (2.5) I didn't spend a dime to teach my son (4yo) about geography and palentology..he read half himself I read some to him (interest outpaces reading) It doesn't have to cost 2K, don't pay the average, that is one of the reasons I started www.dimeed.com We learn everyday all day, with no pressure. You can't do that with 20 or 30 kids in the room, but with 3, I can, and while I am at it I can teach life skills.

I have heard that I will spend a fortune when they are older, and while that may be so, I doubt it....I find the last 4 years to be the most educational in my life and I haven't spent a dime on education..though I have spent a fortune on food! (for the kids, my teachers)

[Kris10Leigh]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

As a person working in the schools, I get annoyed that people actually think we are raising their children. We are not, and it is a problem that parents think we are! The schools, be they daycare, preschool, or elementary, need the support of the parent! The parent is the one who sets the rules and the behavior of the children. If this were not true, all children in school would act the same. The school does not have the same leverage as the parents.

I would love to be a SAHM, but I make the larger salary. I would just cry if DH stayed home! It would not be good for our relationship! I am lucky though in that I get to pretend to be a SAHM all summer. Now that my children are school aged, I feel much better about this choice. My hours are the same as theirs, so I am only missing the time with them when they are in school anyway.

There are benefits and drawbacks to both. Yes, children of SAHM's tend to be healthier, but once these same children enter kindergarten, they have no immune systems and are sick most of the time. Children who go to daycare are sick early on, but develop good immune systems as well. It just depends on when you want the child to start building up that immune system. (I'm leaving home schooled children out of this scenario because there are far fewer of them.)

From a financial aspect, sending children to daycare makes little sense. When DH lost his job a few years ago, he ended up staying home during the day and working odd hours to bring in some income. I agree with all who have said it is insulting to work for $1 per hour. It is also insulting to the children.

[boefixepa]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

I find this an interesting topic! Even though I am not yet married I still have very strong feelings on this subject. Another thing I have noticed is that 1.) My feelings have changed over the years as I have 'grown up' 2.) Different people have very different opinions on the matter and 3.) some people are in situations were they can not do what they would like, but do the best they can.

I was raised by a SAHM, but she was not always emotionaly stable and suffered from depression upon occasion. She did take care of other kids for a time to bring in more money, but I am confident that she could not have found a job where she earned enough to justify working...there were five of us.

Personally and ideally (it could be that situations do not allow me to do this) I have gotten to the point where I really, really want my children. I have waited for so long to find the 'right guy' for me (here's crossing my fingers, I think I might have found him!) and since I am older (currently 31) I have had the time I needed to experienced many things I know most young mothers may not get the chance to. Having done that I can happily and by my own choice leave the work world behind. I might be able to earn more money than my SO, I don't care. I might be able to still come out ahead working, I don't care. I want to be the best mother to my children I can be. FOR ME that means devoting my life to my family's care. I want to be the one that is there for them, I want the joy of watching them learn, and being the one who teaches them. PERSONALLY I feel allowing anothers to teach them be it daycare, preschool, or public school, is taking something away from both me, my husband, and the children. When you bring a child into the world you are responsible for it, and will be held accountable for that duty. Each parent has to choose how to discharge that duty and I am not going to force anyone to raise their children 'my way,' but be ready to face a really vicious momma bear if you try to tell me your way of raising kids is better than mine.....oh, I don't even have kids yet and it amazes me how strongly I feel about their care! I'm not giving my kids away to anyone to rise, I have brains, a college degree and can learn. I can use those talents and the intamate knowledge I have of my children to raise them to the best of my abilities and I suspect each child will be different. What works for one generally does not work for another so you have to be willing to adabt to their personalities. Cost is really the least of my worries, I know I can always make money if there is a need, but I'd rather be poor and happy, then have money and let another person, who does really care all that much, raise my children.

As far as having money for college.....I didn't and I still went. There is no law that says a parent has to provide a college education for their children. While yes it is increasingly important, I feel that any child who WANTS to go can find a way to accomplish this goal. How much a parents is able to help will very, but if you raise the child with the right life tools, they will find a way. I know of some home school kids who had a couple years of college already finished at the local community college and left for college with his public school freinds. The friends entered as freshman, he entered as a junior and had his BA before his 19th birthday....what a head start those parents were able to offer their children by teach them at home. Two years worth of college, even if costs a little more, is worth more in my eyes!

[Homebody]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

I find it extremely annoying that some keep referring to people who put there children in day care that we are letting someone else raise them or as boe says:

I'm not giving my kids away to anyone to rise, I have brains,

Well you may have brains, but the word would be raise, not rise. Parents who work and utilize day care are not giving their kids "away".

Boy, hopefully you won't have to have financial reality hit you at some point or you husband/partner won't dump you or become disabled or something so you can all continue to be some judgemental of other's choices. Whew and I thought this web site was different...

[boefixepa]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

Homebody, please don't take offense! I was trying to express why I felt the way I did. I pointed out that I might very well NOT be able to do what I want. I said this is how I feel, I said that I would NEVER try to tell someone to do it my way. I fully understand that I haven't even 'been there' yet. I just know I feel strongly about it, and I can't even say why! Very confusing, let me tell you. Please reread that post and try and understand that I did not mean anything I said offensively. If you choose to offended, ask yourself why?

Agghh type-os, got to love them!

As far as personality types go...I vote you are a blue!

[PrincessPerky]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

I am suprised at who is on which side of daycare...Some people I would have thought anti are for, and others I would have thought for are anti.

I am also please at the small amount of rudeness, most websites sink into 'your an idiot for doing it different from me' instead here, while we still disagree, we are all trying to understand and be polite. I like that about SA.

I also think than some cases of rudeness are purly unintentional, I doubt that the poster saying they work so they can pay for college or take trips meant to imply that I am wrong to not work, merely that they felt it was best in their situation (and my immediate desire to list the exact reasons why I wont pay for college, or the number of trips taken and amount saved for them is beside the point..) And even if they did mean to be mean, I am not going to take offense.

[mccartygirl]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

Exactly Perky - for us, paying for college and going on trips is right but for you it isn't. Doesn't mean it's right or wrong either way, it's just the way it is. I had to pay for my college and when I graduated found out my mom forged my name on $25,000 worth of loans. I don't want my child to start life in debt. I worked 2 sometimes 3 jobs, over 40 hours a week plus took 22 credit hours while in college. My grades suffered greatly. She/they will work throughout college but the main tuition will be paid for. There are other, good, ways to teach your child the value of a dollar and we've already started that.

Kris10 - our pediatrician said the same thing about the colds and starting school. He said that when DD starts kindergarten we'll notice that most of the daycare kids will miss very few days, while the kids who didn't go to daycare will get sick quite often to build up those immunities.

That being said - even if you stay home and your kids can catch colds. They can catch some DH brought home from work, other kids or adults they might see or, my personal fav, catch the flu from the pediatrician doing a check up. Yep, happened to us - knocked our entire family out for 2 weeks. It's wasn't our usual ped but she felt the need to cough all over everyone and such.

[PrincessPerky]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

Actually that is not entirely true, colds mutate, so as long as you get some immunities you are not going to see that much of a rise in k-5 illness, and before you go sending your baby off to shcool to toughen them up, think about a 5 month old with a cold vs a 5 year old vs a 15 year old..Ill take the 5 year old anyday.

Now, off to pack for DC, a little trip this SAHM is taking.......

[Gruntina]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

I realize now that the word “Anti-daycare” is a very strong word and may provoked some emotions. Maybe a more neutral wording may have lesson the tensions. It seems a lot of emotions and personal opinions are running the statements rather than facts. I know life is not fair and not everyone has all the choices that some get. Some are stuck at working or staying home while others are doing it out of wants. My SO made my dream a possibility that I never thought would happen. I lived on the streets growing up(part of the time) and bounced from one home to another every few months and got put in a school group home away from family at times and always wanted to know what its like to have a "traditional" home life style. I feel I was missing or rather lacking something that would be important or warmth and want to find out and not wonder anymore. But anything can happen in life to change all that. Maybe in one year, my experiences or lifestyle is totally different from today? Who knows!?! People are just people, and life is 95% choices. If other people are pushing your buttons, then why do you have buttons in the first place? Maybe if we can agree all choices are good but find the benefits of each choices and support each other rather than compare? Its easier to share tips when one is in similiar situation with the other so I know this is easier said than done!

[shelbylovesmelby]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

It is a hard decision especially on the mother's part to stay home. I chose to stay home until my daughter is ready for school because of several reasons. The biggest factor in this is that I didn't have a chance to see many of my firstborn's milestones (first steps, first word, first laugh) because I was working full time in order to pay for someone ELSE's debt.
I'll re-enter the workforce once all my children are in school full-time.

This is my exact plan! & point! I do miss having an income I just can't see giving it all away to Uncle Sam & Day Care. So when we are done having kids and they are all in school I'll do something part time. I have wanted to do something part time but when we did the math again is it more worth my wild to start @ the bottom again making $7/hr, hoping to find somewhere that will work around dh's rotating schedule (to again avoid day care costs) or for dh to pull a day of OT? And a day of him working o/t will more than exceed the pennies I could make. So if I have to be frugal for several years about things so be it!!

[Elgin526]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

My mom had the best of both worlds. She worked for the school district. When school was in, she worked full time hours (40 hours a week) but had all school holidays and summers off. So if we were home from school, so was she.

DH and I work oposit shifts, I'm 9 to 5 durring the day, he's 9 to 5 overnight. Once we have kids, we can get away with no daycare at all and continue to both work full time, but in reality, I think we'll do part time daycare in the mornings (or posibly a babysitter or nanny, not sure what that costs) so DH can sleep. I'd love to move to part time but my insurance is better through my company and they only pay it for full time employees. If we went with my DH's insurance, we'd be paying A LOT more (at least the coverage is good, but it costs up the wazoo!) at a time when my income would be lower, not a good combo.

I've got no problem with SAH moms/dads or people who have their kids in daycare. What ever works for you is what you should do. Sit down and look at the cost benifits to all of your options (SAH, work full time, work part time, be SAH until kids are in school then go back to work, opposit shifts, whatever) and think about what would make YOU happy (some people would go crazy staying home all day, and that's not good for the kids either!) and try to find the best balance you can. Really, that's all anyone can do at the end of the day!

[shelbylovesmelby]

Re: Anyone else Anti- Day Care? Due to costs

Elgin - We did work the opposite shifts til my oldest was about a year old. Dh had a hard time because once you have kids you realize after they are past being a newborn they are working on becomming more mobile & demad more of your attention. As you just can't leave them in a crib all day while dh naps KWIM? It got too hard for dh to work night shift & get a decent nights sleep as he worked from 7pm - 7am & I worked from 9-5. We saw just enought of each other to give each other a hug & kiss be on our way out the door.