Money and relationships

[PennyPincher]

I have been in a relationship with a loving man for 4 years. We have been engaged for 2 years, but have yet to plan a wedding. One of the biggest concerns for me comes down to money matters. He does not have a whole lot of debt, but I always seem to come across careless charges, etc. On top of that, I have essentially supported us about 80%. I do make more money, but it hasn't always been that way. It's just that I have the savings, and no debt. I feel like such a nagging wife-to-be talking about budgets and the like, but it is very difficult at times to be with someone that did not grow up with any financial guidance. I've clipped coupons forever, and made my teaching salary spread for years - WITH taking vacations every summer. Since we've been together, we haven't gone on any trips. It'll come down to me paying, and I hate that. He does not make much in the military right now, but I do feel that he should be able to contribute SOME money each month towards the house. We don't even have kids yet, and that is what concerns me - I feel like I will always need to work to make ends meet.

What is the secret (if there is one) to uniting different money minds in love? I'm looking for some feedback from both sides here...

[2moretrees]

Re: Money and relationships

It's a difficult issue, but be very careful proceding before being able to work out a compromise on the situation. Money issues is one of the leading causes of divorce and if you know there is a problem before hand, it won't resolve itself just because you get married.

It doesn't have to be a "my way" or "your way" situation. You need to to talk about it and come to a compromise which is acceptable for both of you. Although this doesn't sound very romantic, I would highly suggest that you sign a prenuptual agreement on what you decide.

[globetrotter]

Re: Money and relationships

can you give us some examples of the "careless charges" ?

[PennyPincher]

Re: Money and relationships

Excessive ATM fees, credit card fees, etc... To his benefit, he's gotten much better, but he never thought of these things in the past. Before we met, he was probably spending about $30/month in ATM fees ~ $240+ that I'd very much like to see go elsewhere. He doesn't look at his statements with the thoroughness that I do. One month he had a $9.95 charge for something and another month $6.95...and then a $40 charge on our phone bill. Some things got automatically downloaded on our computer. I called and got them taken off, but if I hadn't looked, it would be another almost $60 that would go out of the house instead of staying within. (The charges were all scams, and all companies are listed as fraudulent with online business bureaus.)

[Tree0164]

Re: Money and relationships

Money is such a touchy issue in a marriage relationship. Make sure you are on the same page about spending and saving. It can cause much much stress.

I understand careless charges. Hubby has been there and done that

[globetrotter]

Re: Money and relationships

I don't know if this will work for you, but we keep three different bank accounts. Each month we each put in $1000 to cover mutual expenses. Things like mortgage, utilities, property taxes, savings and stuff. Then we each have areas we are in charge of. Whatever is left over is ours to spend as we like. It may sould a bit complicated, but it has really helped us out in the sense that we know what we are in charge of.

I felt the same way as you probably do now. If we hadn't gone to this system, I was affraid I would be supporting him. It is a difficult balance, but you can work something out if you try. You do have to straight forward about it though. If you hide your feelings, it will come back to haunt you later on.

Good luck and let me know if you want to know more about our breakdown system.