Anybody else having issues?

[Gruntina]

Re: Anybody else having issues?

I have battled depression for years, its not something that just goes away! Learning about depressions helps how anyone can cope with it and make the best of it so symptoms not show up. Depressions murky up the view of how really the world sees you as and believe me many people on this board cares for you and want you to be happy.

[Hot dog]

Re: Anybody else having issues?

This board can really put your issues in perspective We are all worried about how to get more money to pay our bills down when we really should focus on the fact that we at least can pay our bills and we all have or have access to computers and others may not even have electricity. You have shown me that my problems really are blessings I hope you are not so depressed that you can not talk to someone and the fact you our talking to us hopefully means you are looking for some hope and know it can only get better. It really is important that you talk to a dr. or at least a friend family member minister or someone that will help you get the help you need cause depression truly is not something you can just pull yourself thru True depression stays even when your circumstances get better That is one way to tell if you are depressed. If what I read is true it sounds like you have been thru some things that may definitely have caused post traumatic stress I just hope you will get the help you need and deserve.

[shengmei]

Re: Anybody else having issues?

Well, it is an age old story. I was young and foolish...and I got involved with a group of so-called friends that I should not have had, which bankrupted both hubby and myself..........amongst almost getting myself killed.....................a mistake I am still paying two years later.

I am probably going to be punished for that mistake for many, many years..............

I think this website is fascinating because people on this forum are substantially more mature than the other forums I have ever seen.

However, sometimes when I read those articles and discussions I wonder what is the point of learning to save money, if I cannot find a way to make wholesome friends.

Bad friends not only negate all the savings you do, they also resent you for your savings strategies because no matter how hard you work, they think you are a spoiled rich brat because you were debt free and they weren't.

The last group of "friends" were from Bible study. It really makes me feel miserable because if I cannot trust devout Christians, who can I really trust?

Sorry for all that venting. I would be in so much better financial states if I weren't so young and foolish. It was all of my fault.

[Mathew Green]

Re: Anybody else having issues?

It was all of my fault.

--> Caution: Long post

OK. Maybe it really was your fault. Maybe not. The important question now is, "did you learn anything from it?" If you did, you're at least a little bit better off than you were.

I can't begin to list the number of times and ways I've screwed up my life. But I finally figured out that behind all the Leave It To Beaver normalcy, at least one-third of the people I know are living in their own personal soap opera. So, hard as it is to do, forgive yourself and move on.

Since I don't know you, I can only offer the most general sort of advice, but here it is:

1) Tell us how you define "wholesome friends" and what the bible study group did that made you feel like they couldn't be trusted. Start a seperate thread just for this subject if you like, or start a blog; but talk to someone about it in detail either live or online, because as long as you're just looking at yourself in a mirror all you're going to see is what you already know.

2) Get a copy of "When Bad Christians Happen To Good People" and see if it rings any bells for you. The author is a devout Christian who sees very clearly that Christians are often far too human for comfort.

3) Recognize that the purpose of getting control of your finances and getting out of debt is FREEDOM and CONTROL. Whatever the other circumstances of your life may be, money troubles will make them worse and will dull whatever pleasures you do find.

4) Corny as it sounds "Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what comfort there may be in silence." If you can't find that quiet place within yourself, look for a church that's open when services aren't being held, or an especially quiet corner of the library, or a zen meditation hall, or anywhere that you can sit and think without being disturbed. Then try to quiet your mind by sitting comfortably and letting your thoughts float by without commenting on them. No fair regreting or judging. Just pretend you're sitting by a river and your thoughts are random boats that you idly observe as they drift by. Eventually the inner noise will quiet down and something meaningful will float to the surface. It may take days or weeks, but it will happen and you'll know it when you see it.

5) Watch a movie with a happy ending. One of those classics where the good guys triumph in spite of rediculous odds. And never mind that things like that never happen in the real world. What you're looking for is a personal mythology that you can identify with and draw strength from when you need it. For me "The Movie" was Star Wars (the original one, before any of the sequels were made). It pulled me back from depression by making me remember what it felt like to be young and confident and to truely believe that anything was possible if you just wished and worked for it with all your heart. For you "The Movie" or "The Book" will probably be something different, but you'll know it when you find it.

Maybe all of those will help. Maybe only 1 out of 5. The key is to keep on searching and believing you'll find an answer, no matter what. If this post didn't do it, then something else will. Maybe something you'll pick up and read at random or a chance remark.... But whatever it is, the answer is out there.

Hugs {{{ }}}

Mathew

[cschin4]

Re: Anybody else having issues?

sheng - Many of us have battled depression as well. I personally think alot of it has to do with our fast-paced society. Families move and uproot, the connections of generations are getting lost, etc. So, you are not alone in feeling plagued by this.
As for friends, you cannot put too much stock in other people! Everyone in your life is going to disappoint you on some level. We are all walking contradictions! Take your friends where they are and who they are and just understand they cannot fulfill your deeper needs.
You say you have made mistakes in the past. We all have! Stop beating yourself up. You did what you did and it is over and done. Whatever happend, you are still here! Forget the past and press on.
As for financial issues, just don't discuss it with people. I absolutely do not discuss my finances with anyone except my spouse. I may chat in vague terms, etc but do not talk in specifics because then you open yourself up to others "value judgements" about what you should or should not be doing.
Forgive yourself and forgive others for not being able to be what you want them to be.

[Mathew Green]

Re: Anybody else having issues?

As an addendum to what I said above, over the years I have found 'Life 101' by Peter McWilliams very comforting when things aren't turning out the way I thought they would.

I just posted a link to the Peter McWilliams website in the Freebies-->Books forum. You can download Life 101 and other books there, including several he wrote about depression.

Link to my message: http://www.savingadvice.com/forums/s...7933#post87933

Link to his books online free: http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/books

[Mathew Green]

Re: Anybody else having issues?

Back to the original topic:

Yes, we all have issues.

On Wednesday night I had my budget for the next six months all planned out.

On Thursday afternoon I was at the library and in browsing a get-out-of-debt book I was shocked by a chapter that advocates making only the minimum required payment on your installment debts. "What a moron," I thought (and checked the book out to see what other outrageous advice it contained.)

On Friday morning I took my car in for a $200 repair, and it ended up costing me $672 because my muffler was rusting out and other things needed to be done that I had hoped wouldn't fall apart for at least another year. I don't have an extra $472 in my budget to cover the repairs. I don't even have $400 total in my emergency fund!

On Friday evening I began reading the library book, starting at page one, and the more I read the more sense it made to me. I still disagreed with her, but it was starting to make sense, expecially for someone like me who has already knocked off about half his debt and has gotten his interest rates down to 13%-14% instead of 18%-19%. Maybe the flying fickle finger of fate really was trying to tell me something. So I decided to keep my total CC debt steady for a few months while I build up my emergency fund. I will in fact be paying less than the minimum since I'll be buying just enough gas and groceries on the CC to keep the balance from going down, but not enough to make it go up. All the extra money I was planning to send to the CC company, will now be going straight into the emergency fund instead.

Sometimes you've just got to make a decision and do what you think is right, even if it's contrary to something that has proven itself true in the past. So, here I am. I turned my budget upside down, made the e-fund a priority, demoted debt reduction to last place, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed. It looks good in my excel spreadsheet, but will it work in real life? Only time will tell.

[JanH]

Re: Anybody else having issues?

Shengmei, my daughter had a group of people that turned on her and did some awful things to her life. She felt alone and unlikeable. These people weren't the nicest in the world, but she took it so hard. Blaming herself alot too. She has been diagnosed with Social anxiety disorder and medicated for it and her life has changed. She no longer picks people that hurt her and she can deal with the ones who try to. I am amazed. She was already medicated for depression and panic attacks. These things are chemical problems that can be helped. The others are right, please get some help. As someone told me when I went through it, you don't have to feel this way. This may be not seem to apply to your case, but I just want you to find someone who can help your own situation. Things have come a long way in medical care. Unfortunately, there are people who just don't get it. I have had good people say some hurtful things. But we know how you feel. There are more of us than you think. Take care.

[Bookie]

Re: Anybody else having issues?

Mathew Green, are you reading a book by Carol Keeffe?

[veronak]

Re: Anybody else having issues?

I know what you mean seems like when every I am there or close to being there (debt free that is ) something always come up (Murphy that is) but I am keeping my head up because I have a feeling by 2007 I will be debt free

[Mathew Green]

Re: Anybody else having issues?

Mathew Green, are you reading a book by Carol Keeffe?

Yes, but I'm only in the second chapter and not ready yet to post a review of it. All I can say at this point is her advice is making more sense than I thought it would.

[shengmei]

Re: Anybody else having issues?

Thanks for all the support guys. You just made me feel much happier

[Elgin526]

Re: Anybody else having issues?

Last month was bad for us too! Wedding pictures we had to order ($700, at least that's the END of wedding expenses, we got married last October!), $350 for wood we need for the fence, had to buy it before Home Depot cleared it out for the winter. A few car parts here, a few doctors bills there, pretty soon it all starts adding up to real money!

We didn't charge a dime (and haven't since we came home from the honeymoon) but it reduces what we can pay towards the debt we DO have. Oh well, this month hasn't had any unexpected bills (well, we do have to fix the roof but that wasn't unexpected per sey, it just has to be moved up, we were hoping for next spring) and it's a 5 paycheck month for DH, and my company anounced we WILL get a year end bonus in December, plus December is another month of 5 paychecks for DH and 3 for me (normally two 'cause I get paid every other Friday). So by the end of the year we'll be ahead of the game for paying off debt. But still it gets discouraging when there's a month where everything seems to go wrong at once!