Family & Christmas - What do I do?

**LuxLiving** · 09-06-2006, 11:19 AM

Re: Family & Christmas - What do I do?

I say don't go IF you are going to resent it.

**Ima saver** · 09-06-2006, 12:12 PM

Re: Family & Christmas - What do I do?

How far apart do you live? I don't like staying at other people's houses and I just don't do it. If you can not afford to stay in a motel, i would say, don't go!

**Kris10Leigh** · 09-06-2006, 01:22 PM

Re: Family & Christmas - What do I do?

I agree. I would say don't go. Perhaps you could suggest planning it for a few years in advance so that you can start planning for it now. It's not easy to come up with so much money in such a short amount of time. Is it necessary to fly? Can you drive?

**Bookie** · 09-06-2006, 01:39 PM

Re: Family & Christmas - What do I do?

Sounds soooo familiar. I come from a family that operates on emotional blackmail. The only way to win is not to play.

Like everyone else, I suggest you consult your own values and priorities. No one has the right to ask you to sacrifice your own well-being for their convenience and satisfaction. Norman Rockwell Christmases work best as covers for the Saturday Evening Post. As templates for family gatherings, they seldom bring much satisfaction.

Don't be bullied or blackmailed. You'll end up hating yourself and resenting the others.

**boefixepa** · 09-06-2006, 01:51 PM

Re: Family & Christmas - What do I do?

Bookie, you said it, that is how I feel --- emotional blackmail.

Driving is not an option. Utah to North Carolina. I looked up my miles and it's a no go, I don't have the 60K in miles, only 21. So it's 450-550 for the 23rd to the 1st. Then I called my mom to see if that was when she was planning to be there...just to get a feel for things. She didn't know?! Then I told her the costs... 'well we can't afford that!' ... 'maybe it will be cheeper in october when we were planning on getting the tickets' ???? Um...hello this is CHRISTMAS! the busy time to travel right? Prices are not going to go DOWN waiting, just selection! I'm right on this right?

So maybe if my parents back out I will have an 'out' of the situation....ggrr...I HATE dealing with this!

**TBH** · 09-06-2006, 02:05 PM

Re: Family & Christmas - What do I do?

I agree that you should NOT GO. If it were me, I'd drag my heels about committing in hopes that your parents will bail also. If they bail, you say, too bad, maybe some other time. If they don't bail, you say "so sorry, lots of regrets, blah blah blah, but I just can't afford it."

Then you start immediately making plans (and saving the $$) to come some other time at a cheaper time of year, because really, 5 years is too long not to visit them if you can find a way to make it happen.

Good luck! The guilt thing is just no fun.

**Ima saver** · 09-06-2006, 02:20 PM

Re: Family & Christmas - What do I do?

Wow, that is a long way, I would say, don't go. You really won't enjoy yourself and you will feel you are wasting your money.

**geojen** · 09-06-2006, 04:10 PM

Re: Family & Christmas - What do I do?

It is so not fair that your family is springing this on you at this late date. Plus, when's the last time your sister came out to visit you? My family always gives me the guilt trip about getting home, but I say, hey, the road goes both ways baby.

**Thrifty Ray** · 09-07-2006, 08:52 AM

Re: Family & Christmas - What do I do?

I would have to agree with the others about suggesting a trip in the future so that you can save and plan.

Otherwise, it sounds like you'll be paying for this trip for quite some time...and that would make me a little resentful---especially if it was because Id been guilted into it.

Perhaps you can suggest that all future gifts to each other are donations to a travel fund to bring the family together...a team effort and then you can all decide on a destination and date.

Dont go out of guilt...rather, keep pondering ideas to come up with an idea that works for everyone.

**Broken Arrow** · 09-07-2006, 10:00 AM

Re: Family & Christmas - What do I do?

Boe, I think you know what the answer is. And it doesn't even really matter what the reasons are. If you don't want to go, then don't. It's your life, your call.

**Gruntina** · 09-07-2006, 10:07 AM

Re: Family & Christmas - What do I do?

Family is very important to me and I will be there for them when they need me. They are what made me go so far in life because I can always fall back on them if I ever get stuck. But to make you feel guilty and pressuring you to go on a trip you simply can�t afford, I would hope they would have more understanding than that. I remember one year I could not go home for Christmas due to low funds, I gave everyone a web cam for their Christmas gift and set it up on my computer so I can be there via online on Christmas. It�s not the same but it did help keep the closeness there and let them know I was thinking of them.

**PrincessPerky** · 09-07-2006, 10:48 AM

Re: Family & Christmas - What do I do?

We were asked to fly to Utah, from NC once..we did go, but only cause my mother paid the plane fare and the hotel room, no way would I go into debt no matter how cool it is to see a fake wedding... (no offense family)

now I do think she went into debt for it, she felt it was that big a deal..it is her debt, not really mine.....

some ways to soften the blow...

give prices (round up)

suggest next year they fly to see you...

offer a computer cam like Gruntina said.

if you can swing any amount try seeing if January would be easier to arrange....

also see if it would be easier/cheaper to go wherever your mom is..unless she is in Utah too?

**boefixepa** · 09-07-2006, 12:19 PM

Re: Family & Christmas - What do I do?

Yes, parents are in Utah too. And when I talked to them last night I found out they were expecting me to take them to the airport???? Hum...ever think of asking! They live about three hours away from me, and the airport. From the sounds of things last night I think my mom & dad have come face to face with the cost of going and are reallt debating it....so here's to hoping that I can get out of this with as little pain as possible.

Oh as far as my sister coming to see me?!? Yeah, when hell freezes over! 'There's five of us...it's easier for you....it's hard for us to get time off work...blah..blah..blah..blah..blah

**lrjohnson** · 09-07-2006, 02:05 PM

Re: Family & Christmas - What do I do?

I�m not anti-holiday, but the forced interaction with relations for the sake of the holidays is a big pet peeve. A lot of folks I know spend a lot of money and time and energy going to see people or hosting events with family members they don�t see that often, and don�t have a real connection with. So draining.

Using the holidays as an excuse to see people you really love is fine, in fact great. We should use any reason we can to see those we care about as often as possible as long as it fits the budget.

But too many people get blackmailed-it�s a good term-to do holiday stuff.

I used to love celebrating Thanksgiving. My Guy and I had a flannel jammie 4 day weekend. No shopping, no cooking. Treats from the store: take and bake pizza, Chinese food, smoked almonds, whatever we felt in the mood for. We loved it. Now that some family of his is closer, we have to go there every Thanksgiving. Forced conversation, mediocre food. I can�t fight it without causing drama, so we have a 3 day flannel jammie weekend.

Sorry for the digression. But it�s something to remind ourselves not do. We may not be able to get out of certain things. But we can watch that we are not the ones putting others in a tough position. We can�t avoid being put in Boe�s position, necessarily, but we can avoid putting others in Boe�s spot.

Family & Christmas - What do I do?