What to do

[KiwiJo09]

I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. Currently, I live with my mom. I'm turning 22 this year, and am still in college. I work full time and go to school part time. My boyfriend is looking for a full-time job. My mom is selling this house and so I'm forced to move. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years and were planning on moving in together and getting married. Our relationship is strong. We've never been that couple that constantly breaks up and gets back together. And I don't expect that it'll be easy to be married and living on our own.

Last night, I went to dinner with my dad to celebrate my newest achievement, getting my associate's degree. While we're sitting at dinner, my dad brought up the fact that he expects me to move in with him when my mom sells the house. Honestly, I hadn't expected him to offer. I told him no, that my boyfriend and I were planning on moving in together. His face -->

He got upset. My dad told me it was stupid to think I could make it on my own. That I should just move in with him until I finish school (in 3 years, since I'm going part-time). I told him that didn't make any sense. And it doesn't. Although I'd be saving on rent, both my job and my school are far (over an hour drive) from my dad's place. And he doesn't cover my gas. I know that he'd help me if I needed it if I moved in with him. The pressure of making my family happy is killing me.

But then there's what I want. I want to live with my boyfriend. We'd already started planning and buying things for our future apartment. I just don't know what to do. If we got an apartment together, the rent would be at most $930. And we would live about 15 minutes from my full-time job (at furthest) and 45 minutes from my school (which is fine since the distance to the school is mostly traffic).

I don't think I'm being difficult by wanting my family to be happy for me. I just don't want them to be right. I hate when they're right. And I know if I move in with my dad, I will be miserable.

Ugh...

[kork13]

Thank your father for his offer of help, but stick to your guns. If you want to move out and make it on your own, do it, and show your family that you're capable of taking care of yourself. Honestly, he probably is just being protective of you, but if you demonstrate that you're ready to tackle life on your own, your family will come to support you. Plus, you'll be happier. It's not worth being miserable in order to only satisfy the desires of your parents.

[MonkeyMama]

Thank your father for his offer of help, but stick to your guns. If you want to move out and make it on your own, do it, and show your family that you're capable of taking care of yourself. Honestly, he probably is just being protective of you, but if you demonstrate that you're ready to tackle life on your own, your family will come to support you. Plus, you'll be happier. It's not worth being miserable in order to only satisfy the desires of your parents.

Agreed.

I've been on my own since I Was 18. I was SO MUCH happier not living with my parents. & we have a great relationship ever since I moved out. But, they raised me to be very independent, and I just didn't jive living at home. That said, they were supportive of my decision to move out. I am sorry that your father is not being supportive.

I didn't move in with my boyfriend, but we have been together since I Was 18. In this day and age, both moving out and settling down so young is seen as pretty extreme. We were mature and knew what made us happy. My spouse was the best thing that ever happened to me, and moving out was most definitely for the best. I had the life experience and frame of reference to know this, though. (Graduated high school at 17 with a 4-year relationship. First year college I was unattached and dated a lot - so though 18 sounds young, I dated plenty. This wasn't a "first love" thing by any means. I was a single adult living on my own for almost one year before I met my dh at the end of freshman year. When my spouse came along there was no doubt we had something really special). My parents were supportive because our family has a long history of meeting their spouses/soul mates around age 18. & being on their own financially, very young. (I suppose we have lived together since age 22, anyway. & that was after waiting many years - so you sound in a similar boat).

Of course, at that age, I always thought a lot more clearly when my parents were more supportive. So I think it's important to meditate if you are truly happy OR just trying to prove your parent's wrong. If you are truly happy of course there is an element of wanting to prove that. But, try your best to set that aside and just be happy. Either they will eventually realize and be supportive, or they never will be. You can't live your life for others - not even parents.

[snshijuptr]

My dad had a similar reaction when I told my parents that my boyfriend and I were moving in together. His reasoning was that he didn't want us to then feel "pressured" to get married. I laughed and told him we already wanted to get married so we were moving in together until I finished college as a trial. Sit down and thank your father for his offer. Tell him that you are grateful that he will be there for you if anything were to happen, but your sure nothing will since you want to spend the rest of your life with your boyfriend.

P.s. Everything worked out well for me. My boyfriend and I learned to live together and saved money while I finished college, and 2 days after I graduated, he proposed. DH and I have been together for almost 2 years.