Credit card debt

[Upset credit card debt]

I am a married, stay at home mom of 26 years.
Over the past 4-5 years I have managed to run up $12,000 on 3 credit cards.
My husband knows about only 1 of them & is very upset with tbe fact that I owe $4000.
He doesnt know about the other 2 cards & what I owe on them.
I have a shopping addiction both online & not online.
I am in an unhappy,loveless marriage and retail therapy always makes me feel better.
At least temporarily!!!!
I dont want him to know about the other 2 cards & want to get them paid off & close them down.
I have a very low income besides getting a bit of family tax each month.
I still have 2 young kids plus 2 teens at home.
Can anybody offer me any advice on how i can pay these off on my own & get rid of them for good?
Thanks

[dczech09]

I am a married, stay at home mom of 26 years.
Over the past 4-5 years I have managed to run up $12,000 on 3 credit cards.
My husband knows about only 1 of them & is very upset with tbe fact that I owe $4000.
He doesnt know about the other 2 cards & what I owe on them.
I have a shopping addiction both online & not online.
I am in an unhappy,loveless marriage and retail therapy always makes me feel better.
At least temporarily!!!!
I dont want him to know about the other 2 cards & want to get them paid off & close them down.
I have a very low income besides getting a bit of family tax each month.
I still have 2 young kids plus 2 teens at home.
Can anybody offer me any advice on how i can pay these off on my own & get rid of them for good?
Thanks

For the most part, you need expert advice.

In regards to your shopping addiction, you may need to find a support group. Since it is stemming from your "unhappy, loveless marriage," you and your husband should be looking into marriage counseling and trying to sort through those problems.

It is very scary that your husband does not know about the debt. He knows about 1/3rd of the total debt; he needs to know about it all.

Until you address these issues, paying off the debt probably will not do much good. It will just come back. And if you do not address the underlying issues soon, your debt will likely grow even larger.

So please please please get expert consultation and support! We on this forum are not equipped to help you with those issues. This is much more of a relationship and psychological problem than it is financial; the financial aspect is really just a symptom.

When it comes to the debt...

How are you going to pay it off if you are a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) and have little to no income? You need income to pay back the debt. This means either A) you need to get more income coming in somehow or B) your husband is going to have to get involved. There are no other options.

You could possibly look at some side income, or a small business you could run from home.

Credit card debt is difficult to pay off, especially in large quantities. If you could, list out your credit card balances, interest rates, and monthly payments. We can take a look and recommend an order of attack.

[bjl584]

HUGE Red Flag here!!

You are hiding things from your husband. Your problems are way deeper than finances.

You need to come clean about the CC debt, then I'd suggest you two seek professional counseling for your marriage.

[snafu]

Welcome to SA. We can offer ideas that can be helpful but there is no magic formula to get you out of your problem without a lot of work. Adding to the suggestions already offered...I suggest you cut up the cards and stop attempting to fill the hole in your heart with shopping, you've already figured out it makes problems bigger. Sell as much of the stuff as possible by taking photos and posting on your city's Facebook, Kijijji, CraigsList and ebay.

Start finding ways to cut regular expenses. One of the most flexible expenditures is food/groceries. Develop a meal plan based on food at hand in pantry/fridge/freezer and ads [loss leaders] from grocery stores that your family will eat. Avoid expensive convenience foods by cooking from scratch mostly because it's healthier to use foods at the perimeters of stores. It's often cheaper yet to buy at ethnic stores if family will eat those items.

If your credit score is good, look at transferring CC debt to a 0% card. This is tricky because you absolutely must pay the balance within the 0% timeframe or they charge really outrageous interest rates. You must also check and double check if they charge a fee for this transfer.

There are pages of frugal ideas on the Frugal Q & A thread that cuts expenses bit by bit. Over time redirect small saving to CCs. You Tube offers endless 'hacks' to make tasks easier and save money. I use an endless list of ideas for vinegar and baking soda to clean stuff. I've been making my own detergent to wash clothes and another to wash dishes for years mostly because they do a better job than brand names like Tide and Cascade.

wishing you the very best outcome, please stay in touch

[Gailete]

Absolutely cancel those cards and cut them up as they are making your life worse, not better. Definitely come clean to your husband, especially if they are joint cards or if you live in a community property state. I believe, but am not positive so you should check this, in a community property state not only do you share assets you also share the bills no matter who made them.

If you are going to have an addiction, try to switch it to being as frugal as possible. Saving money in every possible area. Using homemade cleaning products, rags instead of endless paper towels, cooking more and less going out to eat. Cooking more doesn't always mean rice and beans either. When I can find one on sale, I have had a home cooked prime rib roast meal that tasted terrific for the same cost as the two of us going to McDonalds. Which would you rather have, prime rib or a quarter pounder? there are so many rewards to working at saving money and using it towards your debt. Once it is paid off you will have the frugality ingrained in you and so you will at that point have extra cash to set aside. Take advantage of opportunities to make money that come your way. Selling off some of your shopping therapy on line or at a consignment shop can help. I was offered a chance about 4 years ago to participate in a program that last year I received $4000 worth of products. I was in another program that got me a $250 Amazon gift card. You obviously won't get the same types of things that I have been offered, but you won't see they if you don't look at them of scoff at the value of a gift card. My CVS reward card has helped me save close to a $1000 a year there. Well over $100 of it as bonus bucks that I used for products that I would normally have to pay full price for.

The ability is there. You just have to take the time to find them and work them for all they are worth. No time you say. What about all the time you spent shopping? You have exactly that much time to spend on being frugal. Always shop with a friend? Perhaps they will go on a frugal ride with you and you can support each other. They may be having the same problem and may find relief at having a reason to not shop either since they have to support you and you support them.

And I too agree that you and your husband could use some marriage counseling especially if the currently loveless marriage used to have a lot of love in it. If it has never had love (and I have been there and have full sympathy if that is your problem) then you need to find a job that can support you since you never know when things will completely crumble and you will need to support yourself.

Hope all goes well and you can get the courage to do what you know is right.

[Randomsaver]

I am in an unhappy,loveless marriage and retail therapy always makes me feel better.

Thanks

My 1cent is just because your husband does not say "I love you" anymore or brings you the romance he'd done in the past doesn't mean he does not love you. The fact that he's working and sometime to a fault that he's tired himself out for romance means the ultimate sacrifice of love.

Does he love the kids? A husband who loves the kids who you love as well shows even deeper love.

Please also understand that he may have gone to the ED side that may have gradually got him "loveless". As long as there's no third party, love is abundant in your home. You just got to realize it.

On the other side, I see guys who are full of "romance" to their wives or girlfriend but at the end of the day does not work hard or think about the future and save up for a house or pay for their own house. To me, that's not love.

I would hope that you cherish what your husband has done to keep the money flow in and do your part to keep the flow out within budget. I'm sure he'll forgive you, maybe not instantly, but over time. He'll get angry sure. But that just means he's human. Be more concerned if your husband "does not care" to be angry anymore.


Talk to him and share your feelings. Tell him where you're coming from and how you got into debt because you felt loveless and suggest things on how you expect to be treated. Maybe he just doesn't know and took for granted that he still needs to bring the romance in and say the words.

[Randomsaver]

May be an apt song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jV4Xp-XZcs

[Gailete]

On the other hand, you can always apply for Emergency cash advances or Payday loans to meet your crisis condition in hand.

This has got to be the worst piece of advice I have ever seen here! NO NO NO, stay far away from those places and the highway robbery that they charge! If you don't have cash now, you won't have it to pay back in full in a week or two either!