My plan to get out of debt! Suggestions are welcome!

[Brayman]

About my boyfriend

He actually doesn't make much less than I do, to be honest.

I make $16.68/hr but I'm not limited to 40 hours

He makes $15/hr but is limited to 40 hours(until recently, he now has a 50 hour limit.) However, when he works in the field (he's a manual machinist) he makes $18/hr and gets $10 PD per day. Also, when he works in the field he gets double pay at his field rate after 12 hours, and usually ends up with tons of overtime because he works turnarounds (the client wants it done ASAP so he'll work 14 hour days for 3-4 days straight)

He's still new at the company, and he isn't always picked to go out into the field. He also has a "tool bill." His company allows him to purchase tools for work at a 20% discount and pay them off $35 per check with a $1,000 limit each year.

A normal weekly (I think part of the disconnect for him is that he gets paid weekly, and I get paid biweekly) check for him is around $400. When he works in the field he can easily bring home what I make in one pay period. He got this job in September of last year, and before then he was working at a hydrant repair company making only $10/hr and I guess the you-make-more-than-me mindset carried over from there.

I haven't wanted to push him too much because he is the type of person to just completely shut down when confronted with something he doesn't want to deal with. I do feel like he's very selfish, and extremely inconsiderate, and has absolutely no concept of how stressful it is to support 2 adults, especially with this being my first time to support anyone, including myself. I do feel some resentment towards him because he's older than I am (26) and before we met he was content to not work, and live with his parents.

He has grown up a lot though. When we met he had a number of bad habits that he's since kicked, and the fact that he is holding a job and has risen to my expectations in that regard is one of the reasons I have stayed with him. I have left him before, trust me. About 2 years ago I completely jumped ship, moved 5 hours away, and told him I never wanted to see him again because I couldn't deal with it anymore. That was a defining moment for both of us, and when my job prospects didn't work out, I returned. I had been waiting tables before, and when I returned I decided I wanted something better for myself, and I ended up getting the job I have now.

So, I kind of deal with it by telling myself he's still growing up, and since he was coddled (he's an only child, and I love his parents, but they're even worse than I am about making excuses for him) he's taking longer to get to where he should be. I was basically thrown to the wolves by my mother, with nothing, and I guess I value hard work more than he does. He also resents people that are successful, which I don't understand. I want to be successful and I admire people that have been able to achieve that.

I knew who he was when I met him, but I was 17 and wasn't thinking about what it would be like in the future. Now that I'm faced with it, I do wonder if he'll ever fully mature. Like I said, he has started helping, although he isn't happy about it. Maybe he'll get there. I don't know.

[Brayman]

Oh, and we won't get married. I've seen my mom go through 3 divorces. I've decided marriage is not a smart decision, especially at my age.

[hamchan]

I'm on my second marriage. My third long term domestic relationship. My experience has shown me that staying with someone and hoping they will change for the better does not pan out. He is comfortable. He has no reason to change because he knows he can just shut down and get his way. This is not a good situation for you. You need to look out for you, because he certainly isn't looking out for you. If it were me I would tell him he has to start paying his fair share next month, or find somewhere else to live. There is really no excuse for him to not be paying half the bills on his income.

[SeanH]

I don't think the budget list you posted is really sufficient to categorize what your expenses are for the purpose of determining where your dollars are going. Your struggle will be that of many people - there are a finite number of dollars coming in that need to be corralled and prevented from leaking out into all those daily temptations. For example - I don't see dining out/bars/entertainment (none of those things would be counted in groceries - they are all separate line items), clothes, health expenditures. I'm not listing those to get you to add them to the discussion - I'm just encouraging you to do a line-by-line budget at least for a month or two so that you can track every dollar. Yes - its not fun. BUT - its the only real way to find the money that you need to actually make a dent in your bills unless you are comfortable carrying them with you for a long time. The payments you are making on your loans right now are probably what the repayment plan tells you to do. That plan is the path to being in debt for a long time. I actually made very similar money to you when I graduated with a bit less debt ($42K income, $17K loans at 6.8%). Within a few years I was debt free and sitting on a pile of money (and it wasn't through large increases in income). I say this not as a brag, but as a "you can do it too" and you will like it.

Your boyfriend situation is inexcusable. Sorry. My wife was my girlfriend when I had my first job and she made $26K a year. We had been saying "I love you" for a very long time, but she still paid her half of expenses every month. No one likes to tread one of those fine lines where they sound like a cold-hearted, cheapskate, jerk, but boyfriend/girlfriends aren't permanent commitments. They aren't family. Money complicates them, just like it complicates friendship between roommates. Probably preaching to the choir so I have one more question, that you shouldn't feel compelled to answer. Where is his money going?

[Brayman]

The rest of my budget, as requested:

Cigarettes: $560 (holy crap, that's more than my rent. I didn't even think to add that.)
Clothing: if I have any extra cash, I'll go shopping...
Hobbies: I love to knit, and I'm not cheap when it comes to yarn. Purchases for crafts this month alone
Yarn: $146.27
New swift and winder: $83.73

Other random purchases this month:
IKEA: $100 (wine rack, laptop table, towel rack, rug)
TJ Maxx: $100 (new sheets and comforter set)
Specs: $40 (hey, I just turned 21!)
Bars: $100 (21.....)

His money? I have no clue. He's saving for a truck (go ahead and subtract $400 from my income for what I gave him...it was a birthday present.) he also eats out every day for lunch. He claims he has to because he doesn't get enough food when he brings his lunch ($50/week?) he also buys LOTS of tools... He bought a socket set the other night ($100) and a new drill ($180) and a new tool box ($300) and he paid the light bill ($100)

He also pays a monthly surcharge on his license ($32) and he has an interlock he has to get serviced every month ($100) plus probation ($70)

Then there's $300 spent at the casino (that I know of) and I'm not sure about the rest.

[Brayman]

Also, loan repayment:

I've been paying extra on my CC and the mattress when I can. I pay the minimum on my student loan because it auto withdraws at the beginning of the month when most of my bills are due, and I usually don't have much money left over.

[hamchan]

Ouch. That is a lot of money on cigarettes. If you could quit them that would be a huge savings.

[Brayman]

Smoking..

I totally did my math wrong there. Monthly cigarettes expense is actually $155. My cigarettes are $4.09/ per pack, and I don't smoke a pack a day, but that monthly amount was calculated assuming I spend $5 each day, and purchase a pack a day for the entire month, which isn't always true. I tend to smoke a little less during the week.

Still, I have cut back a little, and am still trying to. At work I have gone from 3 smoke breaks smoking 2, 3-4 at lunch, and 2 in the afternoon (per smoke break) to only smoking 1 per smoke break., and 2 at lunch. Some days I don't stick with it, but I'm trying to make it a habit. I tend to chain smoke at home though.

[Brayman]

Interest rates

Quickly, there's been a change of plan. I'm going to pay the CC off first.

Interest rates:
CC: 22.99%
Mattress: 0%
Student loan:
$6,627.08 @ 6.55%
$3,486.44 @ 3.15%
Car:
$15,500 @ 6.99%

[hamchan]

Oh good. That's a big difference. The more you can cut back the better, of course. My husband works for a company that runs many of the state quit lines, and depending on your state's budget a lot of them provide various resources for help in quitting, so if you are interested in quitting you should give your state quit line a call and see what they can do to help.

[hamchan]

Quickly, there's been a change of plan. I'm going to pay the CC off first.

Interest rates:
CC: 22.99%
Mattress: 0%
Student loan:
$6,627.08 @ 6.55%
$3,486.44 @ 3.15%
Car:
$15,500 @ 6.99%

I'd do the same. Would you have the mattress paid off before the promo period expires if you keep paying 90 a month?

[Brayman]

Yes. I've already paid extra. I got it in August of last year, and have already paid about $1,200. The 0% is for two years, I think

[hamchan]

There you go. Definitely pay off the CC first then. It's not much. You should be able to knock it out quickly. Then apply that payment you were making, plus any extra, toward your car. As long as you won't have to pay any interest on the mattress paying 90 a month there is no reason to pay that off any earlier.

It honestly sounds like the situation with your boyfriend is causing you a lot of stress. You'be been with him a long time, and that makes it harder emotionally to cut ties, but you need to weigh this very heavily. You aren't obligated to take care of him, and I promise he will survive without you. If the relationship is causing you more stress and difficulty than happiness then you'be got to be really honest with yourself and decide if the trade off is worth while. Nobody is perfect, but you're far too responsible to be settling for someone who has no interest in being a grown up, and you don't have to. You've got a lot of years left. Don't waste them.

I can only speak for myself, but even though it was very painful splitting up with my ex husband, on the other side of it there was this huge relief of not having him drag me down anymore. It's really scary at first when you're just used to them being there, but that feeling doesn't last forever. I look at where he is now, and he really hasn't changed at all. His family still pays his bills and he is still very irresponsible. I'm really glad I cut bait when I did. I'm definitely happier in a relationship, but it has to be a good relationship. Being alone for a little while ain't all that bad.

[doingitallwrong]

Just be aware that when you're thinking, "I can change him" and "He just needs to grow up", the reality is that you can't and he probably won't, entirely. Take that from the "been there, done that" pile.

Glad to hear your cigarettes aren't actually costing more than your rent, and that you're cutting back, but I do encourage you to consider quitting entirely. Even setting aside the tremendous health consequences of smoking (not that those should be set aside!), that's still almost $2,000 a year on cigarettes; you might as well just burn 100 $20 bills. Plus many (and a growing number of) health plans charge you more if you smoke -- ours (which is a very reasonably priced plan) is $100 extra per smoker per month. If you absolutely must smoke, it's a lot cheaper to roll your own.

I agree with paying the credit card off first. In fact, if you cut all of your discretionary expenses (cigarettes, yarn, bar, shopping) by half, that's an extra $350 to add to the minimum payment, plus the $115 from the cable etc. -- you could pay that card off in two months. Then I'd focus on adding all of that money to the car payment. Add another $200 once your EF is established and you're looking at about $1000 or more going to the car -- you'd have that paid off in a year and half, and could get the student loans paid off within a year after that. That's without counting anything your boyfriend contributes, which you could use to accelerate the debt payoff or to build up your emergency/downpayment funds.

[snafu]

I'm so sorry to learn you've a deadbeat guy you call a boyfriend. You're supporting an immature, spoiled brat who needs to be sent back to his parents. They seem to have taught him to be a self centered, arrogant, manipulator who may say the words of love but likely isn't capable of giving...just taking. While he lives under your roof, enjoying financial and emotional support he prevents you from finding a real man who will love, respect and cherish you. You deserve the best...