Getting rid of debt...

[mc1127]

Hi,
I'm needing advice on getting out of debt. My husband and I combined make about $6,300 a month. He brings home about $4,000 a month, and I bring home about $2,300 a month. He likes to handle all of the bills, and while I know what we owe and when it's due I don't get a lot of say so in how it's paid or handled. I've recently brought up the idea of putting ourselves on a budget and really attacking our debt. He tells me that whatever bills are due and what we have to pay that week is our budget. So, I thought long and hard about what I could do to get the ball rolling on getting our debts paid off. My idea is for him to be responsible for our house payment, his car payment, and the utilities. I will be responsible for paying the credit cards, medical bills and my car payment. I figured if I was responsible for making the payments on these things I can have more control over how they get paid and pay them off quicker. He would be responsible for House $540, elec-$200, water-$100, trash-$20, phone(his cell $home)-$135, direct tv-$25, car insurance-%250, car payment- $170. He would also pay $300 a month for groceries, and $200 a month for gas. I would pay car payment-$387, repossessed van payment- $150, Bill me later-minimum payment $44, my capital one-minimum payment-$130.00, his capital one-minimum payment $48, kohls-minumum payment $55, lawnmower payment-$360(paid off Dec. 6th 2013). I would also pay out $300 a month for groceries and $200 for gas.
He does not want any part of being on a budget, and I thought if we did it this way I could "budget" my income and pay off these debts quicker. Will this work? Am I missing anything that I should do? Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks so much!

[dojo]

I am the one doing the budgets and tracking expenses, but the husband understand what's happening, even if he cannot be bothered to track his own expenses. The good thing is that 99% of the time he gives the money he earns to me for our regular expenses, company taxes etc., so he's not squandering or anything.

You need to get on the same page and convince him that budgeting is good. You two make a pretty nice income and it should mean less debt pretty soon. With his support you can pay off most of the stuff really soon, but he needs to get on board

[bjl584]

What is your total amount of debt? The fact that your husband wants no part of a budget is a huge red flag. You two need to be on the same page financially.

You are servicing 3 credit cards, a repossessed auto payment, and a lawn tractor payment. I think a total overhaul on how you think about money is needed. But, you both need to be on board.

How old are you two? Do you have any assets or any retirement savings?

[JoeP]

You have 2 immediate problems.

1: You did not budget and save, so you ended up "buying" stuff you could not afford using credit cards. Now you're servicing all that debt.

2: You are not on the same page financially, and do not both own the finances. You both need to work together. Your husband sounds very controlling in this, and it may have spilled into other parts of your marriage.

[disneysteve]

Am I missing anything that I should do?

Yes. Marriage counseling would probably be the place to start. The two of you need to learn to work as a team. Marriage is supposed to be two people working together toward common goals, not two individuals who happen to live in the same house each doing their own thing.

You can't have one spouse following a budget and another not. That won't work. It will just breed resentment.

This sounds like a case where I'd recommend checking into Dave Ramsey either by BOTH of you reading Total Money Makeover or BOTH of you attending his Financial Peace classes.

[mc1127]

We have house 77k, my car 23k, his car 5k, stepson car 3500k, van(I'm not sure how much he owes on this it is debt from his previous marriage), his capital one 1255, my capital one 6447, kohls 287, bill me later 750.I am 30, he is 47. No savings, and very little retirement. I like to budget, plan, save...and he likes to spend what I save. At this point he is not willing to go along with a strict budget. I cannot force him to do anything he doesnt want. I've talked to him...not really gotten anywhere with that so now I need to makea plan and show him. If he sees that I'm working hard and that I'm getting somewhere and it's working I'm positive he will join in. It's always been this way...he's stubborn..I have to be creative to win him over to my side. So right now....no chance I'm gonna get him to sit down and budget with me. I need to do it on my income...and hope that he comes around. Having said all that...we have a great relationship with 3 great kids( 2 his and 1 mine). We don't fight about money, and I'm not looking to fight about it. I just want to create a plan that I can handle on my budget. Right now we have stopped using all credit cards and only use cash. I did get him to agree to cut up the 3 credit cards. I think he will come around eventually, but right now I'm ok with handling paying off debt myself...I think I can keep up with it on my income. My question is based on my first post does it seem like my plan will work and what else do I need to add to it? I am serious about this...we make decent money and I want to get this stuff paid off so that we can start saving and really putting money away for his retirement. Thank you for the responses and any additional help would be appreciated

[mc1127]

I've read 3 of Dave Ramseys books. I did ask my husband about going to hear him speak, and he said if there was a class close by he would go. We don't have a bad marriage...we don't need counseling...we have been together 9 years and I know him well enough to know if I get the ball started and he sees that I'm serious about it he will help.

[JoeP]

You might be happy now, but what about the future? Do your kids want to go to college? Do you want to retire some day?

It is really best for you, your marriage, and your kids if you both address your financial concerns, get a game plan, and hold each other accountable.

[bjl584]

We have house 77k, my car 23k, his car 5k, stepson car 3500k, van(I'm not sure how much he owes on this it is debt from his previous marriage), his capital one 1255, my capital one 6447, kohls 287, bill me later 750.I am 30, he is 47. No savings, and very little retirement. I like to budget, plan, save...and he likes to spend what I save.

You have roughly $116K worth of debt.

You said you bring home $6300 a month, or $75K a year.

You can be totally out of debt in 5 years or less, but you said that your husband likes to spend what you save. That isn't good. I will restate what others and myself have said. You two need to get on the same page or you will never get out of debt, you will never have any savings, and you will never be able to retire in comfort.

I doubt that he will "come around" as you have said. He may, but what will motivate him to do so? If you lay out a budget and show him the math that says that you two will never get out of debt if he doesn't cut spending, and show him that you need to start saving for retirement or you will never be able to retire, will that make him come around?

Are you two not fighting about money because you two are truly not fighting about money, or are you two not fighting about money because you back off and give in so that a fight doesn't start?

[mc1127]

Well, this is all very encouraging. I'm still going to work my plan. I've written it out, told him about it and stuck it on the refrigerator for all to see. I'm starting with my paycheck on November 1st.

[mc1127]

Right now...words are not doing much. I'm hoping putting my plan into action and showing him we can pay this debt off reasonably quick will motivate him. He did cut up credit cards, and has agreed to doing the financial peace university classes if I can find one close to us (the closest I can find right now are 2 hours away). He starts to shut down when the word "budget" is mentioned. I can talk until I'm blue in the face...and at the end of the day it's just talk. No action. I need a plan and I need to follow through on it and show him what we can do. I was hoping to find some support and guidance. I didn't expect for my marriage to be so heavily ridiculed. You are all absolutely right...he does need to get on board, he needs to get serious about our future. We have 3 kids to put through college and he isn't far from retirement. It would be best for our family that we do this together, but if I keep badgering him about this it will only make it worse and cause resentment. I want to stay positive and make as big of an impact as I can. If I just throw my hands up and have the attitude that if he doesn't want to change why should I? then nothing gets done. As long as I'm doing my part at least something is getting done. Anyway, I've said my part...thanks to everyone who has responded.

You have roughly $116K worth of debt.

You said you bring home $6300 a month, or $75K a year.

You can be totally out of debt in 5 years or less, but you said that your husband likes to spend what you save. That isn't good. I will restate what others and myself have said. You two need to get on the same page or you will never get out of debt, you will never have any savings, and you will never be able to retire in comfort.

I doubt that he will "come around" as you have said. He may, but what will motivate him to do so? If you lay out a budget and show him the math that says that you two will never get out of debt if he doesn't cut spending, and show him that you need to start saving for retirement or you will never be able to retire, will that make him come around?

Are you two not fighting about money because you two are truly not fighting about money, or are you two not fighting about money because you back off and give in so that a fight doesn't start?

[hamchan]

I don't think your marriage has to be bad for some counseling sessions to be of help in getting on the same page. I don't think my marriage is bad either, but we are going through some really stressful stuff right now and counseling is helping. It can be hard to get your spouse to agree to it though, because people are so used to counseling being a last resort that they don't understand why you want it or need it. My husband was willing to do it, but for a while he believed that the fact I wanted counseling meant I was very unhappy, and that wasn't the case. I saw that we had something good, that outside circumstances were putting the screws to us, and I wanted to do whatever we needed to to stay strong.

My husband doesn't enjoy keeping track of expenses either, so I do it myself, and I let him know where we are and if we need to be careful with uneccesary spending for a little while, and it works for us.

[disneysteve]

I don't think your marriage has to be bad for some counseling sessions to be of help in getting on the same page.

Exactly what I was going to say.

I think a good analogy is a workman and a toolbox. If you are trying to do a certain job and don't have the right tools, the job is going to be difficult or impossible. Each of us brings certain "tools" into the relationship. If a job needs to be done and neither of us have the right tools, we're going to fail. If counseling can give us new "tools", it can help us succeed in our efforts.

Just to be clear, I think a financial class like Dave Ramsey's course would serve as appropriate counseling for this purpose. Counseling comes in many forms.

[hamchan]

That said, I don't think that both of you have to fall lock-step into the Ramsey plan for this to be successful. There is plenty of room for compromise to be had, and while that may mean not paying debts off quite as quickly as you would ideally like, you will still be heading in the right direction, and in a better place. Forcing ultimatums isn't usually the best way to go.

[mc1127]

He is agreeable to going to a Dave Ramsey class...when one comes around closer to us we will go.

Exactly what I was going to say.




I think a good analogy is a workman and a toolbox. If you are trying to do a certain job and don't have the right tools, the job is going to be difficult or impossible. Each of us brings certain "tools" into the relationship. If a job needs to be done and neither of us have the right tools, we're going to fail. If counseling can give us new "tools", it can help us succeed in our efforts.

Just to be clear, I think a financial class like Dave Ramsey's course would serve as appropriate counseling for this purpose. Counseling comes in many forms.