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Dilemma

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  • Dilemma

    Okay. Here's the scenario. A good friend of mine who has no debt whatsoever, helped me achieve my goal of becoming debt free last year. He has always been good with money and I was amazed at how much he was able to help me considering he has never been in debt a day in his life. While I was drowning (in debt), I would think to myself, "what the heck does he know, he's never even walked one step in my shoes". He loaned me personal finance books, he helped me sell some of my stuff, he even got me some side work with his father which really helped knock my debts out. And at the end of it all, when I made my final debt payment, he said something about there being no greater reward than knowing you truly helped someone. And that was his reward in all of this.

    Recently, however, I really have to wonder whether or not he believes that. While he helped me, just a friend, get out of debt and stuck with me through it all, he takes a VERY different approach with his brother. His brother is in fact a dead beat. He has never once tried helping him the way he did me. In fact, it's like Jeckyll and Hyde. With me, it was "oh, don't settle for less than what you owe, do the RIGHT thing". With his brother, it's all "don't you worry about a thing, every time one of those collectors calls, I got your back, I tell them I've never heard of you, they can't prove a thing". He lies for his brother all the time and supports his running up of debts never paying them off. He also thinks that if he lies long enough and they don't find his brother, then time will run out and he will no longer be liable for anything. I'm just baffled at what a different view he takes when it comes to his brother. And the whole family just sits back and laughs about it. And I have had enough.

    I listened to one of the collections calls that my friend received at his house for his brother this past weekend. My friend played them and just laughed about how his dead beat brother got over on them and they're the stupid ones for trusting such a dead beat in the first place. Again, I was just at a loss at how the same person who helped me with practically the same situation has suddenly just tossed all his financial sense and good advice right out the window. So, the wheels started turning in my head. I would like to do something IF it is possible. I want to call one of the collectors and turn his brother in. His brother lives out of state, and for some reason, the collectors can't seem to locate him. They keep calling my friend and his other relatives instead. But, I can lead them right to him. The problem is, will the collectors accept anonymous information? And by anonymous, I mean I don't even want them to say "yeah, we found you because a guy called and told us where you were". Because then, my friend and his family would eventually piece it together, and that would be....well, not good for me. I don't want to ruin a 15 plus year friendship, but at the same time, they guy needs to be held responsible, regardless of how his family feels. How do collectors handle things like this? Would a collector be willing to trade complete anonymity for valuable information? Or would they be required by law to tell my friend's dead beat brother (when they do catch up to him) how they found him? Because he WILL ask. And then my friend and his family will play detective and try and figure out what happened if they say that they found him by way of an anonymous tip. I could do it. I could turn him in. I have no problem with that. It's just a matter of will it get traced back to me?

  • #2
    Uhm. Easy answer. Stay out of it.

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    • #3
      I agree- it's not your place to butt into the family and their issues. You're just asking for trouble.
      Rock climber, ultrarunner, and credit expert at Creditnet.com

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      • #4
        Hmmm....Well, what about doing the right thing and helping someone catch a dead beat debtor? What makes this guy so special that he doesn't have to pay what he owes? I mean can we say double standard? What about lying to law enforcement, which I've witnessed my friend and his family do more than once? Are those actions right? The guy needs to be caught. If you knew someone who has breaking the law, would you just say "oh I have to stay out of it"? If the right thing to do is to just keep quiet, then I would rather be wrong.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by JoshuaHeckathorn View Post
          I agree- it's not your place to butt into the family and their issues. You're just asking for trouble.

          I take that to mean that I could not turn him in anonymously?

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          • #6
            Personally, that sounds like a tough situation. Sometimes it is best to stay out of family matters like that!

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Frugal View Post
              Personally, that sounds like a tough situation. Sometimes it is best to stay out of family matters like that!
              It's just crazy. I mean, I guess my friend and his family see it different because it's just that, family. But to lie to law enforcement? To tell the sheriff's department (every time they show up with a summons for his brother) that the guy is dead? I asked my friend once if he thought lying to law enforcement was okay, and he said yes, and it's not a crime. I just wish there was a way to give up that dead beat anonymously, but from what I've heard, there is no such thing. The collectors MUST take down the name of the person who gave them the info and tell how they located the individual if asked. And his brother would definitely ask. Oh well. I guess karma will get him one day. Sigh....

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              • #8
                Actually, lying to law enforcement is a crime. It's obstructing justice. And if you are covering up someone's crime it's accessory after the fact, so you're friend could end up in his own legal mess of trouble. Lying to the debt collectors is not a crime, though.

                I'm not sure why you'd want to stir that hornet's nest. Have you examined your motives? Are you mad at your friend for being two-faced? Are you resentful of this person because you had to pay off your debts but he's getting away with it and just kidding yourself that you are taking the moral highground or are you genuinely so upset with this that you can't stand it? I think it would be an extremely tough situation to be in. You will risk losing a friend that means a lot to you, but if he's behaving in a manner you find morally reprehensible and that you know is illegal, then you have to do what you have to do, friendship or not.

                Personally, I would not want to be in your position. I would never lie to law enforcement. If they ask you, tell the truth.

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                • #9
                  Actually, I'm starting to see my friend in a different light. I just caught him in a lie regarding his never having been in debt. He actually has a good bit of debt right now. The difference between him and his dead beat brother is that he does make payments on his. I just wonder why for years, he felt he had to lie to me. I wouldn't have cared that he had debt. What's also strange is that he was able to really help me get out of debt, yet he is nowhere close to being out himself. Wouldn't someone want to get their own house in order first? Him and his family have really opened up a can of worms by telling the sheriff's department that his brother died. I don't know how they think that is going to work out for them. I suppose I'll just let the chips fall where they may. I just know that I could never be so cocky as to think that I could deceive law enforcement and suffer no consequences.

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                  • #10
                    Blood is thicker than water.

                    You will probably never understand why he treats you differently than his brother.

                    I would stay out of it. Accept the help that he gave you as a good gesture, ignore his brother, and move on with life.
                    Brian

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by bjl584 View Post
                      Blood is thicker than water.

                      You will probably never understand why he treats you differently than his brother.

                      I would stay out of it. Accept the help that he gave you as a good gesture, ignore his brother, and move on with life.
                      Good advice. The only one this situation is troubling is you.

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                      • #12
                        The collectors will likely catch up with him some day. My suggestion is to move on and not let it bother you so much.
                        Rock climber, ultrarunner, and credit expert at Creditnet.com

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          This doesn't sound like much of a "friend" both from his/her pov and yours.

                          You got out of debt. Good for you. Now keep your nose where it belongs, on your face.

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