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Originally posted by mlp09
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I've been reading for hours and all I find are copy/paste articles about big spending on things people never use. My problem is a little different, but still frustrating, keeping my family in debt. I can't figure out what to do. We'll be seeing a psychologist for couples therapy soon because the marriage councilor has helped with everything but this and one other issue.
The problem is my husbands spending. He would "forget" to pay bills and our utilities and internet access would be cut off. We lost his car. We almost lost my car. We lost our apartment. We didn't have enough to buy a crib for our son in time. I scraped and saved and juggled our budget over and over for a year just to pay off $1,000.00 to be able to use the credit card since we had no furniture. As soon as it was available, he spent 75% of it on clothes, trinkets, games, and snacks in one month. If I put money in savings, he withdraws it or overdraws the checking account. We haven't celebrated holidays or birthdays ever, because we never have money put away.
Today we were paid. I paid all the bills and hid all the cards. I don't know what else to do. He can spend $100.00 in one day on things he doesn't need, doesn't use, sometimes doesn't even want it. He buys food for me, knowing I don't eat processed food, so he eats it or lets it go to waste. If I mention a snack I'd like, he buys several versions of it in one week, knowing it won't be eaten. He will take recycling in, then spend all the money right then instead of holding on to it, even if he doesn't have any other money. He has stolen money from me, from work, from our son's piggy bank and from our savings account. He borrows money from people and never pays them back. He blames it on me when I'm not around.
He doesn't spend on big items and he spends most of is money at places we need to go, like the grocery store or gas station. If I give him all the bills to take care of, he gets overwhelmed and doesn't pay them. If I give him an allotted amount to spend in one week, he becomes combative, picks fights about money, then takes more from savings or elsewhere; yet he was the one who asks me to create the budget so he knows what to spend. Sometimes he returns items, selling electronics or other expensive items that we used to have. Using cash only has no effect on his habits. If anything, it's made them worse. He will repeatedly withdraw cash from the bank accounts, not watching his spending even when it's the last $20.00.
I'm not being controlling or uncompromising. We have sat down to discuss this many times, each time coming up with a plan that he can work with. Each time he follows it for a day or two, then it's right back to bad spending habits. I feel like there's nothing I can do to help him and it's putting tremendous strain on our relationship.
Does anyone have any better suggestions that what I've found online? He's been spending like this since he was a teenager, long before I met him. He won't go to addiction groups. Is there something we should mention in particular to the marriage councilor or psychologist?
If this isn't where I should be posting this, I apologize.
The problem is my husbands spending. He would "forget" to pay bills and our utilities and internet access would be cut off. We lost his car. We almost lost my car. We lost our apartment. We didn't have enough to buy a crib for our son in time. I scraped and saved and juggled our budget over and over for a year just to pay off $1,000.00 to be able to use the credit card since we had no furniture. As soon as it was available, he spent 75% of it on clothes, trinkets, games, and snacks in one month. If I put money in savings, he withdraws it or overdraws the checking account. We haven't celebrated holidays or birthdays ever, because we never have money put away.
Today we were paid. I paid all the bills and hid all the cards. I don't know what else to do. He can spend $100.00 in one day on things he doesn't need, doesn't use, sometimes doesn't even want it. He buys food for me, knowing I don't eat processed food, so he eats it or lets it go to waste. If I mention a snack I'd like, he buys several versions of it in one week, knowing it won't be eaten. He will take recycling in, then spend all the money right then instead of holding on to it, even if he doesn't have any other money. He has stolen money from me, from work, from our son's piggy bank and from our savings account. He borrows money from people and never pays them back. He blames it on me when I'm not around.
He doesn't spend on big items and he spends most of is money at places we need to go, like the grocery store or gas station. If I give him all the bills to take care of, he gets overwhelmed and doesn't pay them. If I give him an allotted amount to spend in one week, he becomes combative, picks fights about money, then takes more from savings or elsewhere; yet he was the one who asks me to create the budget so he knows what to spend. Sometimes he returns items, selling electronics or other expensive items that we used to have. Using cash only has no effect on his habits. If anything, it's made them worse. He will repeatedly withdraw cash from the bank accounts, not watching his spending even when it's the last $20.00.
I'm not being controlling or uncompromising. We have sat down to discuss this many times, each time coming up with a plan that he can work with. Each time he follows it for a day or two, then it's right back to bad spending habits. I feel like there's nothing I can do to help him and it's putting tremendous strain on our relationship.
Does anyone have any better suggestions that what I've found online? He's been spending like this since he was a teenager, long before I met him. He won't go to addiction groups. Is there something we should mention in particular to the marriage councilor or psychologist?
If this isn't where I should be posting this, I apologize.
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