I need some help for my son and myself

**minnie1928** · 12-11-2009, 05:35 PM

If you can save $20,000 in 3 or 4 months, why can't you make minimum payments on the lower rate cards and dump the excess cash on the highest rate card? Ruining his credit, without his knowledge (or consent) is selfish. You need to pull out all the stops in order to fix this. Did you buy "things" with the credit cards? If so, sell them. Yes, you'll take a loss...but something to pay towards the debt is better than nothing. Get a second job, whatever you need to do...do it. Your son will need that credit score when he gets out of the military. Credit scores are now used for employment, apartment/mortgage applications, life insurance, car insurance, etc.. A credit score is used for more than just credit.

I'm sorry if I'm coming across as harsh...that is certainly not my intent. I wish you the best of luck, it won't be easy but I think this is something that you really need to do for both you and your son.

**happygirl** · 12-11-2009, 05:35 PM

Oh dear, this is one of the worst things I've ever read on here. It's good that you're done with making the situation worse and ready to take responsibility for what you've done.

Do you own a home? If I were in your shoes, I would consider selling my home to get my child out of this debt. Do you have a nice car you could sell and perhaps buy a beater car for less money? Do you have anything of value such as jewelry, a nice tv etc you could sell? Can you take out a personal loan to pay off the debt you've put on him? I would certainly get rid of cable, internet etc. to save money as well?

How many jobs do you work? Perhaps you could pick up additional hours.

Normally I would say you should tell him right away what you've done, but if he is overseas he may already be dealing with all the stress he can handle and I would think carefully about whether the additional stress of knowing about this could cause him to be distracted while doing a dangerous job.

Best of luck to you. It is brave to admit your situation and ask for input. I really hope this can be fixed.

**cptacek** · 12-11-2009, 05:48 PM

You need to post your budget so people can rip through it. And if you still have cable on that list, I will be very p'o'd.

Lunch should be rice and beans, with beans and rice for dinner, to coin a phrase. Are you wearing a sweater and long underwear at your house? If not, turn the heater down. No movies, no eating out, no shopping, period. Can you sell plasma? Do you have any hobbies that can be turned into more money coming in? Is there anything in your house that is not nailed down that could be sold?

I'm not normally this harsh on a new poster. But your SON is risking his LIFE overseas, not just for you, but for almost everyone who posts on this forum, and you can't sacrifice enough to stop using a credit card? He does not deserve to come back to a ruined financial life.

I hope you can turn this around.

**ktmarvels** · 12-11-2009, 05:58 PM

I agree that you may want to avoid placing an additional burden on your son while he is deployed. However, since he is deployed many credit card companies lower the interest rate during the deployment. I was able to do it for our credit cards when my husband was deployed, but I'm not entirely sure if 'authorized users' are able to do this. I have no idea what our rate was before, since we don't carry a balance, but they reduced it to 4% and said that any other company should lower it to at least 6%. By lowering the interest rate you should be able to pay off the debt faster.

Please do not stop paying on his credit cards. It will wreck his credit for years to come, eventually he'll want to get out of the military. You need to fix this. We want to help you, so please feel comfortable sharing. This will require a lot of work and sacrifice, but you can do it, just like the sacrifices your son is making while deployed.

**kork13** · 12-11-2009, 06:25 PM

first and foremost, you need to 'come clean' and be honest with your son. Regardless of what you may or may not be able to accomplish while he's still deployed, it's going to impact his financial situation. The next opportunity you have to talk to him, you need to explain the situation and discuss how you're going to fix it. I'm sure you'd like to keep this as a dirty little secret, but in the (admittedly probable) scenario that everything doesn't pan out as hoped, your son has the right to not be caught off-guard.

ktmarvels hits on an important point... You should call all of the credit card companies and request a rate reduction due to his deployed status. In most cases, they aren't required to do this, but if you ask for next-higher managers, you may be able to convince them. The country is still very supportive of military servicemembers, so you may very well have some success simply by asking.
Also -- He's only 20, so he obviously enlisted fairly recently. How much of the debt was there before he joined the military? If any, the CC companies are required to reduce the interest rate to no higher than 6% for that portion of the debt, in accordance with the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act of 2003, Section 207. You just need to request the rate reduction in writing.

Another option is to fish around for low-rate balance transfer offers. This has multiple benefits.... first, it could reduce the interest rates on the debt (you can often find offers between 0% to 4.99%). Additionally, if you apply for the new CC's and balance transfers in your name alone, then it would remove your son's finances from the picture entirely. Personally, I would strongly recommend this option.

Whatever you do, PLEASE don't totally stop paying altogether, that will wreck your son's credit, as will making/accepting a settlement on the debt. Pay the minimums on all of them, and funnel all of your extra cash into them all one at a time. It'll take longer this way, but it'll preserve your son's credit. I won't get into the ethical argument about settling willfully amassed credit card debts......

Good luck -- I truly hope you're able to work through all of this without totally destroying your son's financial standing for the next several years. Once you get this taken care of, take yourself off of his cards and give him a chance to succeed.

**disneysteve** · 12-11-2009, 07:47 PM

Originally posted by minnie1928 View Post

If you can save $20,000 in 3 or 4 months, why can't you make minimum payments on the lower rate cards and dump the excess cash on the highest rate card?

I totally agree. That makes no sense at all. You are saying that you can save $5,000/month but can't afford to keep making payments on $40,000 of debt. At that rate, you should be able to have this debt totally gone in 8 months. I don't see the problem here.

**worriedsick** · 12-12-2009, 08:10 AM

I have talked to my son about all this and he is very supportive. He knows how difficult it has been for us these last 2 years. He isnt very concerned about his credit at this time and wants me to do whatever it takes to fix it.

The reason I was considering saving the money I get and paying off his credit in one lump sum is because I cant get ahead no matter how I tried while paying down his credit cards. I have tried to get a 2nd job and have not been able to even get any interviews.l Unemployment here where I live is over 10% and with my age, close to 60, no one will even interview me, nor hire me. I dont have a degree and no other skills other than the sales jobs I have done. I have cut everything out of my life. I live with my daughter, who pays all the household expenses. I dont have a car I can sell because the one I do drive is paid, and old, and I have to have it for my only job that brings me income. I currently am in real estate and the reason I think I can make $20,000 is because of my real estate sales. But as you may know of real estate, its a very bad time right now, and the checks dont come in in any kind of timely manner. I just never know when I will get my next one. Once I do get something. I pay it all to the debt, but usually then its gone because its been 6 weeks. I wont cut out the money I pay for life insurance, its the only thing I have to leave my kids if something happens to me and I have to pay medical, which are two other bills that I cant cut.

I want to pay this, I dont want to ruin my sons credit. I will keep paying if you think that is best, its just seems to never get any better. I was reading on here of folks that were able to settle with the companies and I thought maybe that would be best. at least they would be paid and maybe they would talk with me once I offered them up a settlement. I didnt get paid this month, and have tried to fin

I will call them all this week, but when I have called in the past they wouldnt talk with me because I am only the authorized user. Can I get them to put it all over to me? I want to but they dont seem to be willing to work with me on any payment plan just being the authorized user. My son can write letters, and he has, but he hasnt gotten any response. He is not good at dealing with folks on this, nor does he want to.

I dont mind that you have been harsh, trust me, I have been far harsher to myself. I have developed high blood pressure over this all and there are many many nights that I dont sleep. I want to make things better, I just feel trapped and depressed and nothing I try seems to help.

**sfalexi** · 12-12-2009, 09:05 AM

Rough situation.

I wish you the best of luck. I understand your son may not be worried about his credit, but at the very least, have you stopped using these cards and has he as well? No sense in making the situation worse.

I still think you should delay and pay the minimums until you can make a significant debt. Right now you're contemplating only ONE scenario...miss payments for a while until you can save up to try to settle for less. This will DEFINITELY hurt his credit. The scenario that I would rather have (if I were the son) would be for you to continue making minimum payments, and if things get so bad you have to miss them and settle, so be it. At least in the second scenario you are TRYING to save his credit. If it comes down to settling, it comes down to settling, but don't throw in the towel right away.

It's hard not to see a light at the end of the tunnel when you're up to ears and you're fed up and tired of getting rejected from interviews and things like that. Keep on trying. Just by sheer NUMBER of applications for jobs will eventually land you one. And this is no time to 'picky' - put your pride aside and accept ANYTHING. if you really hate it, you can search for another job, but at least you have a paycheck while you're searching.

And don't stop paying just because you think it'll come to that. If it does come to it, it does. But delay it as much as you can. Until there isn't another choice. But while you can, I'd rather know my father tried to make minimum payments and save my credit as long as he could.

If you own a few houses and are dealing with real estate, is there a chance you could get a loan or some cards and transfer some of the balance to your name? It might make it a little more complicated to write more checks out (not necessarily more money), but it'd help your conscience and make you feel better that, at the very least, your son won't be on the hook for as much.

I wish the best. The situation sucks. I'm not gonna beat you up about it. You're in it, do your best to get out of it, but don't give up until you have NO other option.

Alexi

**worriedsick** · 12-12-2009, 09:26 AM

Please understand, I dont own anything. I am a real estate agent, selling homes. I am doing OK with it, considering how bad the market is. I make more money selling real estate than working a full time job, and I need to keep at this so that in a year or so my business will be sustained and supportative. I have tried to find part time work, and your advice about keep on looking, I will do. I dont mind if I have to work 18 hours a day, so getting a part time job at night would help. I dont sleep anymore anyway. I will take your advice and keep trying to get something, but I also need to keep focused in this real estate, because it really can pay off once things turn around a little. Thats why I say I can maybe get $20,000 in the next four months, commission checks are usually around $5000 when I sell a house, so if I can just sell one a month, I am keeping things stable.

I claimed bankruptcy 1 year ago so my credit is horrible. I dont care about me. I have STOPPED using the cards and so has my son. I cant get any kind of loans, or I most definatly would. Its another whole long story of how I got here. But, the debt came from some very bad business decisions regarding real estate investments in 2006.

I think after reading all these posts, I will try calling the card company again and try to work out some sort of payment plan. I just dont have a single dollar in my checking account until maybe the end of next month,, do you think I should call them once I have the money to offer payment? I know they alway ask you to post date something, and until the houses close, I never know when the money will be there.

I know I sound like a big loser to everyone, but my intentions have always been to do the right thing, and I, like alot of people keep expecting that things will turn around. I still have hope in that and will continue to do what I can to work this out. I need support and I need to know that I can fix this.

**Fizgig** · 12-12-2009, 10:03 AM

If your son intends to stay in the military, bad credit will seriously hinder his career. It can keep him from obtaining security clearance.

**kork13** · 12-12-2009, 11:08 AM

Originally posted by Fizgig View Post

If your son intends to stay in the military, bad credit will seriously hinder his career. It can keep him from obtaining security clearance.

He's already in, and has been for a little while, so he probably already has the clearance he needs. It's hard to get a clearance, but once you have it, it's also hard to get it revoked (unless you actually do something to trigger an investigation). Simply having poor credit generally won't lose someone their clearance. To be seriously overdue on multiple bills (generally once they go to collections), or to declare bankruptcy... THEN it could become a serious possibility.

worriedsick -- this isn't financial in nature, but it seems that it may be important for you to consider... You say that you're extremely stressed, feeling depressed, aren't sleeping well, getting blood pressure problems, and so on. Do you exercise regularly? Going for a 30-45 minute walk around the neighborhood every day would significantly help all of these problems. Exercise relieves stress, improves your physical and mental health, gives you a chance to calm down and think things through, and will also help you sleep better at night. I don't know your overall level of health/fitness, but doing daily exercise of some sort (walking, jogging, swimming, etc.) seems like it would do a world of good for you personally. You can't deal with financial issues if you're falling apart yourself.

**terces** · 12-14-2009, 10:01 AM

Didn't your son do a power of attorney before deploying overseas? Most commands require this so a family member can handle your financial affairs while gone. That should give you the authority to deal with the credit card companies for him.

**jIM_Ohio** · 12-14-2009, 10:20 AM

Originally posted by worriedsick View Post

Hi Everyone,
I just found this site today and I am so glad. I HOPE you all can help me.

My son who is 20 and I have shared credit card debt since he was 18. He has 5 cards that have credit balances of over $40,000 on them because he put me on the cards as an authorized user, and I charged them all up. I have been able to pay on these for 2 years, but now I cant. My son is overseas serving in the military and doesnt know how much I charged up on these cards. I WANT to pay them off, but can never get ahead. I have decided to stop paying on them and start saving every dime I have ( I work in real estate) with the hopes that in 3 - 4 months, I will have about $20,000 saved so I can offer some sort of debt settlement to the companies. I know I am going to ruin his credit, but if I could only get 6 months under my belt, I know I could pay these off and hopefully, it will start to rebuild for him. I have closed these accounts, live on a very tight budget and am committed to fixing this mess. Please anyone, can you give me advice? Is this the best route I should take? I have no other family or savings to turn to, and my son has nothing to help me with,, besides, its my mess and I want to fix it.

Thank you all in advance,,

I would take steps to preserve his credit, because it will also preserve his trust in you as well.

I don't see enough information to give specific advice, but someone posted this-

if you can save 20k in 5 months, you are better off paying that 4k per month to the credit cards than ruining your son's credit for up to 7-10 years. He might want a house or car once he comes back state side- do not ruin any opportunities for him.

Here is what I would do for yourself:

1) create a budget. This is a list of expenses for you
2) know your income- list fixed income and variable income seperately.
3) if you can take on a second job to boost fixed income, that is a good idea. If you can net $100/ week, you can pay another $400-$500 per month to a single credit card and pay that balance off. This is doable on as little as 10-15 hours per week.
4) list the debts individually- each debt, with amount owed, interest rate, minimum payment
4a) for example if one of debts is only 1-2k, there are solutions available which are different than if all debts are 10k or higher. Knowing the detail of each debt can be a factor into getting them paid off efficiently.

Here is what I will look for in above- if you cannot pay 20% of gross income to debt, then I question how you value money or relationship with your son. If you gross 50k per year, I would expect 10k per year (20%) to be spent on debt repayment. Make this priority 1 in the budget so you are making an honest effort to repay the debt you incurred.

I need some help for my son and myself